I have a problem and it all relates to achievements. See, I let achievements get the best of me. Throughout the course of my ownership of an Xbox 360, I was a slave to the achievement system. I spent countless hours driving myself insane to acquire some ridiculous feats that most people don’t even give a shit about.

But obviously that can’t be the guilt I’m admitting to. Most people would be proud to say they earned some difficult and rare achievement. Yeah, I would be a part of that club if I didn’t resort to cheating.

I hate to have to type that, but I actually became an achievement hacker around two years ago. I learned of a few programs that allowed me to manipulate my gamerscore and I went on a rampage. While I wasn’t completely stupid about the process, obviously I didn’t cover my tracks well enough.

While I should have been dismayed to learn that my account has been branded with the “cheater” label and had all the achievements removed, I’m actually relieved a bit. For a long time, I’ve been trying to get myself away from the whole achievement game. I’ve ruined some good experiences this generation simply because I needed to do “everything” in a title.

When I played the first Assassin’s Creed, I should have given up on it after a few hours. I was bored, angry and I couldn’t stand the combat. I kept going, though, just because I knew I would be able to get the full 1,000 gamerscore. It was the first game I achieved everything in.

Next would be Call of Duty 4, and that leads me to yet another sad discovery. I honestly cannot brag about some of the truly hard achievements I’ve earned. Who the hell is going to believe me, now?

That is when the realization of the gaming community turning its back to my gamertag struck me. I fucked up my connection to all of you guys. I let a stupid point system come between my connection with games and the people who play them.

How can I ever dream to become a gaming journalist if I can’t even play games? Why would anyone want to take my word on titles if I’d rather just cheat my damn way through the game? Why did I do something so stupid?

Well, the main reason I cheated the system was because of my own poor self-image. I couldn’t live with the fact that I wasn’t able to complete a game. I’m not even talking about finishing a campaign mode, because I don’t even give a shit about that. I just mean the stupid achievements!

To think that these pointless merits stopped me from enjoying games for myself boggles my mind. On PS3 and PC, I’m perfectly fine with just playing a title and putting it to rest. Hell, my favorite system is the Wii and that doesn’t even have an achievement system!

Another reason was because I simply wanted to see how far I could take this. Microsoft has been constantly disappointing me with their insistence on becoming an “entertainment” company instead of a game developer. The start of this generation had them focusing on pure games and I was in bliss.

Still, that is a sad excuse for what is ultimately all my fault. If I had better self-control or any sense of respect for myself, I wouldn’t have given into temptation so easily. There is no justification for the actions I did and I am truly regretful.

I’m not filled with remorse over the loss of my achievements, though. I’m sad because I will never be able to voice myself to you guys again. My opinions are null and void when all I would rather do is boost my gamerscore.

If you guys can find it in your hearts to forgive me, I’d be grateful, but I don’t see how that will change anything. I’m a rotten cheater and all of my previous gaming accomplishments mean nothing. I can beast a Call of Duty game on Veteran, but why should anyone believe me?