Nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan- *is shot, multiple times, in the face*

How can a Tanooki tail propel itself in the air?

 A Zero 2 Hero: I think you are referring to the raccoon tail that causes flight. Don’t feel too embarrassed to not keep your gamer card though. Failure to distinguish between the two is a common mistake amateurs make. Once you’ve seen one tail, you’ve seen them all (Am I right ladies?). A tanooki on the other hand, can only glide through the air by swishing across it at a rapid pace. Along with the power to shape-shift to fool humans, these special little raccoon-dogs have a very intriguing anatomy, including a big tail that provides steadiness and strength until success is achieved. Simply put, as long as your goal is clear, the tanooki tail just uses its divine-given strength to paddle against gravity and keep at a steady descent toward your desired destination, either across a gap, or on top of foes.

Just be fortunate that Mario doesn’t gain another large body part familiar with the tanooki, otherwise those games would have had been rated M (for Mario :3). Though I do wonder if those things would also let Mario fly just by swinging across the wind. Either way, they’d give Mario financial luck… not that he needs that considering he has almost as many gold coins as Scrooge McDuck’s vault. (Which leads me to a question that could be answered in another Ask the Experts: What do the Mario Bros. do with all those gold coins?) It’ll also give a whole new meaning to the word ‘killstreak’.

SpoonMan Abrams X: What you don't know is a regular Tanooki tail will “flatten” out when it is spun really fast, propelling the wearer as if they were attached to something like a helicopter blade or plane propeller. However the REAL question you should be asking is how the Mario Bros. ACQUIRE such an object... and let me tell you it isn't pretty...

What's under Meta-Knight's mask?

A Zero 2 Hero: It’s funny how masks work. They help hide your identity, but they also help you in showing who you really are. Look, we all know that his adorably plush blue body is a straight giveaway that Meta Knight is a fellow star warrior like Kirby. But unlike Kirby, Meta Knight is too honor-bound, and refuses to become a ravaging hungry puff ball like the rest of his race. Only a barbaric monster would devour their opponent alive whole. That mask/helmet of his isn’t just a mask. It’s a restraint; a restraint that not only helps him rebel against his instincts via restricting him from resorting to his black hole mouth to engage his enemies, but of a reminder of his mission to rid the galaxy of his kind before they swallow the galaxy whole, ending with Kirby (who has mistakenly been presumed as a hero of Dream Land), giving him a fair fight before ending his..her..its life by his blade.

So please remember folks: Don’t take off his Meta-Knight’s mask. I think one star warrior wreaking cute havoc is enough to answer your question. It’s as they say: Curiosity killed the cat... in this case it swallowed the cat whole and absorbed its powers to become Nyan Kirby.

SpoonMan Abrams X: A face not even a mother could love!

KILL IT! KILL IT WITH FIRE!

Why are musical instruments trying to attack Wayne and Garth?

A Zero 2 Hero: The musical instruments are attacking Wayne and Garth because they are afraid of the musical revolution that those two will bring forth. Duh! Even Elvis deems he’s not worthy to be in their presence. Of course, the only way to even contain the duo’s art would be a gelatinous cube.

SpoonMan Abrams X: Because they entered into a drug induced haze in a music store, and the entire game is an elaborate hallucination as they attempt to make their way around the store. In fact, the entire game(s) take place in their various drug-induced endeavors.

Why can't Marty stop walking?

A Zero 2 Hero: Going straight back in time using forward momentum of 88 mph has its consequences. The space time continuum is trying to kick Marty out of that timeline by taking advantage of that forward momentum. Either the inability to stop will cause certain doom to Mr. McFly, or if he somehow is able to dodge all the pedestrians, vehicles, and bees in his path, he’ll eventually be running at approximately 88 mph and be stricken by a lightning bolt to send him back to 1985.

SpoonMan Abrams X: If he slows down, the deterioration effect of him disappearing from the timeline would increase, duh. Also,

Where can you apply for a position in hijacking fiction?

A Zero 2 Hero: I answer a lot of silly question here on Answer the Amateurs. But this is one question I refuse to answer out of fear of what they’ll do with the information. I’m a true patriot of imagination, and I will do whatever it takes to protect it from reality. If someone were to do such a thing as ‘hijack fiction’, not only would it be devastating for the state of imagination, but it would unconsciously leave an impact on our world as well. Where would Walt Disney be if he couldn’t adapt most of the classic fairy tales into motion-pictures? Where would J.K. Rowling be today if Hogwarts were to suddenly just be attacked not by Voldemort? Where would people lean their faith on if there was no Bible? Okay, the last one may be a bit controversial for consideration here, but the point is fictional people are people too. They have just as much of an effect on us as we do on them.

I’m going to be the good soul here, and let this one slide. Take advantage of this amnesty again though, and you can bet my imaginary girlfriend that I will turn you as an imaginary terrorist faster than you can say Blu!

SpoonMan Abrams X: Well first, you may want to change your name to something like Ganon, 'cause you know you will need a good name in order to do it. Then, you're going to want to search out someone like the Joker or Deadpool and take fourth wall breaking lessons from them. Once you have completed your training, then you (Yes, you, the one who is reading this) can ask me about where to apply. Until then, I AM WATCHING YOU!

R.I.P.

Dallinag

1827 - 2013

Mediocre host, mediocre person, somehow lived over 180 years

Died of being annoying on the internet

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pinshadow, A Zero 2 Hero, SpoonMan Abrams X

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