Ask the Experts: Super Balls

Posted on February 3, 2013 - 4:40pm by g1 Features


Creator, question writer:




Today's Experts:







  1. Volunteer to be an expert on the winter schedule page.
  2. Write a question you want asked on the show in the comments below or on my (Dallinag's) wall.

Hello and welcome to Ask the Experts, the only show where ignorance is encouraged. Now, I know all of you are laughing at that titile. You find it to be hilarious, I know. Well, YOU SHOULDN'T BE LAUGHING!!! Super Balls are a very serious subject in this day and age! There are wars breaking out over them, multiple debates over the ethicallity of Super Balls! Heck, our United States government is thinking of passing Super Ball control legislation- HAHAHAHA! I'm sorry! I just can't keep a straight face! Super Balls! Super- HAHAHAHA! ... All right, all right. I'm done. ... HAHAHAHA! Okay, that's enough! Now then. while I regain composure, be sure to enjoy this week's Ask the Experts, courtesy of BenNiGeLing and CrazyDuck. Enjoy.


How can Mario throw fireballs underwater?

BenNiGeLing: They're not really fireballs, of course. If you've ever thrown a fireball you may have noticed that it did not bounce. Since fire is lighter than air, it's not even going to touch the ground. Neither would it be a viable attack underwater. Actually, Mario has always been and will always be throwing the Super Balls made popular in the pinnacle of handheld platforming that is Super Mario Land. However, ever since Nintendo lost a patent lawsuit against an undisclosed porn site they decided to change the ball sprite back to the fireball we know today, but the balls' bouncy pattern has already become too iconic to be changed. Some say the fact that there can only be two balls on the screen at any given time was a reference to- CENSORED!!!

CrazyDark: The laws of physics just work differently in Mario's universe. How else can he breathe in space & underwater? So, he can throw fireballs underwater because water does not influence fire at all in Mario's universe. Needless to say all the inhabitants in the Mario universe pray that their house or castle don't catch on fire because they don't have anything to put out fire's with... which also explains why Bowser is such a big tyrant. A fire breathing giant turtle is bad enough, but when you can't put out the fire's he starts? Fire... don't play with it in Mario's universe!


Is a Rabbid a mutated bunny, or is it a separate species entirely?

BenNiGeLing: The Caniculus Fremidus Vulgaris, better known as the common Rabbid is a truly astonishing creature, that while often mistaken for a bunny is actually the once missing link between man and Steve Buscemi.

CrazyDark: Rabbids are the result of a mad science experiment on normal rabbits. Rabbits are kinda a plague in a lot of countries. So I think that somebody somewhere tried genetically altering rabbits so that they would stop eating all the plants. What they created was the Rabbids. They no longer eat all the plants where they are. Instead, they consume human souls & flesh. ... Those eyes, those horrible horrible eyes. Rabbids will consume you whole. Avoid them at all costs!


How can SEGA characters from different universes race each other?

BenNiGeLing: I take you haven't found the secret ending yet? The following will contain spoilers, so if you want to avoid them, just scroll down to the pictures of Chemistry Cat.

Are they gone? Good. Don't you just hate people like that? I mean, it's a racing game, who cares about spoilers?

First, you'll need to beat the Expert ghost on Roulette Road without(!) drifting. Do this three more times to unlock the Bikini-Outfits for Pudding, Amy and B.D. Joe. Then use any one of them to beat the Classic GP, but again, don't drift on Roulette Road. If you've done everything correctly, a cutscene will show ten Japanese business men playing with Hot Wheels, on all of which there's a SEGA character's name written. Fantasy is the most powerful graphics card and the best game designer there is. Which also explains why the game is so fantasy...-tic!

CrazyDark: I like to think there is a SEGA overlord or something, a Master of Blast Processing if you will, and he has summoned all the SEGA characters to a death race. They must race each other or suffer the horrible consequences. If they refuse to race, their worlds will be deleted by the Sega Overlord. So they race and fire fireworks at each other for the entertainment of the Master of Blast Processing. They suffer for our entertainment.


Shouldn't the insane Street Fighter moves kill the competitors?

BenNiGeLing: Yes.

When will people learn NOT to ask polar questions?

Now I have nothing left to talk about, because I've already given the answer, I might as well write something completely different here. Like how you can send me a friend request if you have a Wii U. But don't follow me, that's creepy. Also, I don't really have anything interesting to say most of the time, but I guess you figured that out just by reading my writing this far. You should find me under the name BenNiGeLing, but if you don't, try Bennn (that's with a triple n). I haven't really quite figured out which name you have to search people by. What's up with that, anyways? I mean, they finally ditch the friend codes, hooray n' everything, but at least those codes worked. Also, am I the only one having trouble with the matchmaking in Sonic Racing yadayada? Wait, no, I shouldn't be asking questions. I'm an Expert, with a capital E, because capital is Latin and refers to things related to heads, and my head is...never mind.

Hey Dally Boy (I can call you Dally Boy, right?), if you're leaving the nonsensical padding I just wrote out, I'm totally cool with it, but if you're not, mad props to you, for...some reason. And if you're leaving it in, keep this part too, so everyone can see what a cool guy are.

CrazyDark: All the Street Fighters are actually Terminators. That's why they just can keep on fighting even after taking such huge beatings. Blanka got his electrical skill from eating electric eels? Naaaaaa, just some lose wiring! Hadoken is a martial art skilled trained to perfection? Nope, just some flamethrowers in their hands.


Why would the U.S. government allow soldiers to wander around a nuclear test site?

BenNiGeLing: Viewing figures.

CrazyDark: One simple reason. Mutants. Who is going to mess with an army that has Wolverine or the Juggernaut in their ranks? Nobody, that's who! Trouble with Somalian pirates? Navy Seal Storm is on the scene. Secret mission in the woods? Special Ops Wolverine is your man. Need some intel? Spy Dr. Xavier is already infiltrating your mind. Mutants: the ultimate weapons!


Well, that's our show. Now if you excuse me, I have to go attend a rally for equal rights to all Super Ball- HAHAHAHA! ... I really hate myself. Anyways, good night and remember, we're always looking for expertise (or lack thereof).



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Be sure to check out this week's contributor:

BenNiGeLing, CrazyDuck


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