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Fighting game quotes are awesome!

12/13/13 4:50pm

My skill at them is about as high as Ben's chances of defeating Craig in 1-on-1 basketball, but fighters remain a favorite video game genre of mine.  These games have come a long way in terms of personality and narrative, with the new Killer Instinct hopefully benefiting from such advances.

Of course, for many years, fighting games didn't have that kind of technological muscle available to them.  So if you wanted to inject a little brio into your fictional combatants, you made do with quotes!

Eben Selker's Bison II WinQuote is a massive and ever-growing collection of quote screens from fighting games.  Some of them are deadly.  A great many others are just hilarious or odd.  I consider this among the very best gaming blogs on Tumblr and it deserves a billion followers.  Yes: one billion.  A meager 999,999,999 would constitute nothing less than a slap in the face.

As a sample of what you've been missing, bask in the glory of several gems I picked out (you won't regret it.)  Captions link to the original posts at bison2winquote.tumblr.com.


- Temjin to Eiji Kisaragi pre-fight, The Art of Fighting 2 (SNK)

You see, when rage is expressed in solid and well-defined muscle, it's not that scary.  Not really.  The hostility kinda sits there, in a bicep or pectoral, the tension producing only slight quivers.

Now blubber, on the other hand, provides a far more disturbing and unsettling conduit through which rage may manifest.  In blubber, rage jiggles.  It heaves and oozes.  It undulates.

To be fair, you could seduce a whale and get the same terrifying effect.  I draw the line at cows.  Decency must prevail.

If you or someone close to you is a whale and you're offended by my remark, quit judging!  Bovine maidens are my personal choice!  We live in the nonjudgmental modern world.  You're not allowed to judge!


- Dark Man, Dragon Master (Unico)

There's nothing cool or funny about leaping on dark men.  Don't do it.  Just don't.  It's rude; they won't appreciate it; and you'll probably violate the Civil Rights Act.  Gloria should've known better than to try this, especially on someone named "Dark Man."  Noob Saibot would've made a preferable target for God's sake!

I might be wrong, though.


- Shadow form Dio Brando, JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure HD ver. (Capcom)

Yeah.  Sure, Dio.  I feel awful for causing you so much pain.  How inconsiderate of me.

I mean, you are clearly suffering right now.  Unbelievable, how selfish I am, preoccupied with my dozens of bone fractures and cerebral hemorrhaging as I lie here in a pool of blood.  What a jerk I can be sometimes!  This physical agony is no excuse for my failure to ease your mild discomfort!  PLEASE!  PLEASE FORGIVE ME DIO!

Huh?  Me?  I didn't say anything important, sir.  I was simply admiring your nice back.


- Sie Kensou, The King of Fighters 1999 [NeoGeo] (SNK)

Well, talk about pioneering!  Behold a fighting game character boasting of his own insanity 13 years before Mr. Scratch ran with the idea in Alan Wake's American Nightmare.

SNK: 1  Remedy Entertainment: 0

Gag on it Remedy!  Silly Swedish people.

Eh?  They're Finnish?  Is that, like, different or something?

Bah!  Tomayto/Tomahto.


- Oni vs Stingray pre-fight, Saturday Night SlamMasters (Capcom)

Ouch.  Seriously.  Any attempt at a retort will seem lame and compound the embarrassment.

You're in no condition to wrestle, Oni.  Get yourself treated at a top-notch facility immediately.


- Golden Done, Galaxy Fight: Universal Warriors [NeoGeo] (SunSoft)

Urban America has spoken.  Yo tools R garbage son!

I can almost feel the property values declining around me with every amusing moment I spend staring at G. Done and his extremely loud jacket.  Better call in the hipster gentrification brigade.

What?  What do you mean my rent is being tripled?!



- Kisarah Westfield, Aggressors of Dark Kombat (ADK)

Oh dear . . .


- Tiger, Martial Masters (IGS)

F-U-C-K Y-E-S.  Repent before Jesus you filth!

No, not that Jesus.  Not the puritanical, nauseatingly sympathetic Jesus of recent centuries.  To the abyss with him!

I want you to repent before the Jesus of the Early Middle Ages: the feasting, drinking, badass warlord who plants a bearded testicle into each of Death's empty orbits and issues the heartiest guffaw as his last seconds on Earth tick away.  How much shame can there possibly be in repenting to this dude?  It's a no-brainer!

The sword pointed to your throat may be able to help with any confusion or doubts, but that's just a formality.


- Erick the Viking, World Heroes 2 Jet (ADK/ SNK)

Rhyming Norsemen win.  Always and without exception.

Even if you don't think Erick here is a particularly good rapper, we should at least concede his obvious superiority to Immortal Technique.

And now you've heard of Immortal Technique.

I am sorry.


- Cyborg T-8P, Battle K-Road (Psikyo)

Indeed!  Men cannot seriously expect triumph in violent confrontations--or in life at all--unless their legs are clad in the most amazing pants obtainable, as these two randomly selected examples illustrate.

Did you know the legendary Freddie Mercury achieved a bar fight record of 69-1 thanks to his array of breathtaking pants?  That sole loss was against Albert Ingram Dixon-Solsbury.

. . .  . .

Too soon?


- Kain R. Heinlein in a pre-fight cutscene, Garou: Mark of the Wolves (SNK)

Who doesn't fancy a bit of genocide!

Okay, perhaps the folks at the receiving end of the extermination might resent the inconvenience but whatever.  Yay genocide!

Despite what Kain's creators were apparently going for with the namesake and his views on how to run a civilization, Robert Heinlein himself was not a social Darwinist.  Were he resurrected, Mr. Heinlein would likely deem Kain a misfit before noticing the girly, narcissistic tripe that passes for science fiction today.

I blame every single woman in existence.  Stop requiring love!



- Kazuma to the rest of the cast pre-fight, Galaxy Fight: Universal Warriors [NeoGeo] (SunSoft)

Comment is superfluous.




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