TODAY'S G1 INTERVIEWS
Bygjuce (Interviewer) Darkseid2 (Interviewee)
Bygjuce: All Rise! For the honorable and down-right fierce Duke of Badassery presides! His dudely-ness, BYGJUCE! *pauses for applause* With me tonight is the one and only Darkseid! Sir, how do you plead?
Darkseid2: I like femdom. Is that a plea?
Bygjuce: Depends on the rates and your ability to haggle.
Darkseid2: I plan on teaching kids new words, as this will be my key to getting a reality show on MTV.
Bygjuce: Don't sell yourself short, Darky. With some effort, you could probably be the next Duck Dynasty.
Darkseid2: Well, I am secretly racist, but I may be too bisexual to capture the beer bellies of America.
Bygjuce: You're halfway there! And you'll win the beer bellies soon enough. Even they need lovin'!
Darkseid2: Not slender enough. Or 2D enough.
Bygjuce: Well, we all have our standards. So how are you tonight?
Darkseid2: Sweaty because I'm overweight and live in Texas, which can't decide on hot or cold but can decide on humid.
Bygjuce: I was offered a teaching job in Texas a couple years back. I turned it down because another place offered me more money and the whole "I'm fat and it's hot down there" thing. So I can relate.
Darkseid2: It's a never ending struggle.
Bygjuce: PLEASANTRIES OVER! COMMENCE INTERVIEW!
Darkseid2: *seduces ice cream*
Bygjuce: Darkseid, who are you? Are you Darkseid or Darkseid2 or I'M SO CONFUSED RIGHT NOW!
Darkseid2: I was originally Darkseid, but I lost the way to my own account with the switch to V5, So I used the new account of "Darkseid2", but then I grew up and started calling myself "Dark Side" and never got around to having any of my SA usernames changed. I decided that if I was going to be posting my writing on the web, I might as well not use a copyrighted name.
I used my original username because I had just read Final Crisis and Darkseid was the shit. Changed it to Dark Side because I am unoriginal and wanted to keep the pun on my blog's title.
BTW, YOU SHOULD TOTALLY GO TO ON THE DARK SIDE OF THINGS! I PROMISE IT'S NOT TERRIBLE!
Bygjuce: A plug! Very nice! I'll make sure to check that out. But first, you gotta give me some warning. If I click that link, what will I find?
Darkseid2: Nerdy reviews about games, anime, manga, cartoons, etc. I have a few other buddies making content for the site, including metaking, the gang of Rule Thirds, and MisterBo
No porn reviews there, no sir. Shut down that blog because I ran out of innuendo and there was no way to top Sabber hailing Brittania.
Bygjuce: Moving on. How'd you hear about ScrewAttack?
Darkseid2: The Angry Video Game Nerd, like everyone ever. I binged watched all his episodes towards the end of V3, and then got curious about that bumper that appeared at the start of all his videos, checked out ScrewAttack, discovered people wrote things on there, had my sheltered mind blown and started writing terrible things for many years in never-ending bursts. Thus, I got the most g1 points in V4 and was somehow "famous," but it only gave me a giant ego, many bouts of internet drama were had, and everyone involved grew the fuck up about it, and here we are. Also, my writing is no longer shit!
The only person I don't regret giving shit was Wibbers, or as some of you know him as "Dr. Wondertainment" and other such names. He's my favorite nemesis, and I keep ending up being the guy who points him out~
I've lost count how many alts he's had, but he's a class A jerk to the core. *continues to ramble*
Bygjuce: Ladies and gentlemen, we'll be right back. Please enjoy this gif.
Bygjuce: Wow, you all watched that gif for a long time. It's been two hours! On the plus side, Darky just finished rambling. So you said your writing is no longer shit. What kind of non-shit do you write about?
Darkseid2: And that's how I made friends with a Swedish greaser. Oh, what? Writing? Well, back in V4, I'd just churn out articles at the speed of lightning, and they were all pretty terrible and thankfully lost to time. Nowadays, I write about whatever nerdy thing I want. I review manga, anime, video games, movies, and so on, to the point where I have a huge backlog. I use Caiminds to post my manga reviews first, use Teh Pwn Shop for my anime logs, where I follow an airing season and a select number of shows, and use my own site to post my anime reviews that aren't current.
Along with all that, I work as the editor on my site and TPS, work on some TPS' originals like a series on Bargain Bin items and Objection, where we either defend something hated or flame something loved. People on SA know my various articles on anime where I try explaining what a series is about instead of simply review it, and I also have my Arcana Files series which I hope to bring back soon for my site. In it, I pick a random fictional character and connect them to an arcana from a tarot deck to explain their personality and role in their given series. Also, I've been working on a Bleach retrospective over the entire anime and manga and posted a 10000+ word, 100 images first part back in October, and I've been working in small bits to get the second part done one day. Expect it, at this rate, oh ...about 2021.
Bygjuce: Holy crap! You sure are busy! How the hell do you find time to actually watch the anime you write about?
Darkseid2: Well, I don't do all that at the same time. The trick is focusing on just one thing, getting it done and moving on. The one flaw in this plan is that I can't make proper time for that Bleach retrospective, but that's going to change soon as I finally have a game review backlog to work with for a few weeks.
Different articles take different amounts of time. Anime reviews are long, indie game reviews don't need too much said.
I hope to one day get a job writing articles, so I need as much practice as I can get. This isn't simply making content for me. I've been learning not only with my writing, but with how I criticize. I look beyond the surface of something or my initial reaction to try and form a more thought-out opinion someone could possibly take something from, while understanding why certain things are in a medium. Atmosphere, gameplay mechanics, panel layout, etc. I have to have an eye for this stuff.
Bygjuce: Good for you! Understanding your weaknesses and continuously improving oneself is the way to get what you want. You have any tips for other aspiring writers/reviewers out there?
Darkseid2: Take basic composition classes. They help, a lot. It's really important if you ever plan on doing any editing of work from others. Also, keep trying, no matter how much something sucks.
We evolve beyond the person we were a minute before. Little by little, we advance a bit further with each turn. That's how a drill works. And that totally wasn't plagiarized.
Bygjuce: My English Teacher Senses are tingling -_-
Darkseid2: Shh, let the people who don't watch anime think I'm cool!
Bygjuce: Well, considering Anime is Japanese and not English, I suppose it is out of my jurisdiction.
Darkseid2: Yeah. I totally have a big penis now.
Bygjuce: As opposed to moments ago? Whatever you're taking, I want it!
Darkseid2: It's called being awesome. I run on 24-hour cool fuel. 80s catchphrases. Disco suit. Sunglasses.
Bygjuce: Hmm... disco suit? I suppose I'll just stick with my current penis size.
Well, this is the part where I typically ask some personal questions, but since our penises were already discussed, I feel we've tapped that well dry. At any rate, what kind of things do you do for fun outside of anime and writing?
Darkseid2: I go to college, hang out with my two dogs, stuff like that. I live a pretty simple life right now when I'm not helping out around the house. No real complaints, but my hunt for a job that doesn't require a car to get to will never end. Our family got hit hard by the financial crash a few years back, and it directly impacted my chances at getting my driving license, so I'm stuck applying to places I can walk to.
Bygjuce: That's rough, man. Hang in there; you'll all be fine. What are you going to school for?
Darkseid2: To get a Computer Science degree and a writing minor. The job market is tough for a guy with only a bit of experience on a contractor part-time job, so I figure education is my best shot at this point.
Bygjuce: Very nice! For what it's worth, if you need an extra pair of eyes to look over a paper you've written, I'd be more than happy to help.
Darkseid2: Nah, I'm good. Writing term papers is one of the few things I can do well with almost no effort. The lowest grade I've gotten on one was an 85.
Bygjuce: Excellent! Less work for me! Now let's talk about video games! What kind of games do you like?
Darkseid2: Everything but sports games because I never got into them as a kid and don't like something so mundane in video game form when I can easily make Casshern and Frank West fight each other on my Wii. My favorite genres are action, JRPG, and despite being terrible at them, fighting. I fucking like Tekken and Capcom Vs. games. Blah blah blah, favorite game is Persona 4, blah blah blah. Favorite game series is Sonic, but it may be Shin Megami Tensei one day if I ever get the time to play them all. The rest of my favorites list is secret because I'm trying to write a list for my blog. I will say that if there's a game on my Steam that has twenty or more hours on it, it is now a favorite.
Bygjuce: SMT is amazing. I just finished IV. Highly recommended. You should try the Devil Survivor series as well as everything else. Oops, I'm fanboying out again *dumps ice cold water down pants* GOD, WHY DO I DO THAT! IT NEVER HELPS!
Darkseid2: I have Strange Journey and Nocturn myself.
Bygjuce: PLAY THEM! PLAY THEM NOW!
After the interview of course.
Darkseid2: After I finish Platinum Games' Infinite Space, which I'm thankfully on the last chapter of.
Bygjuce: I wish you good luck with that, sir. For now, let's get to the meat of the interview: The TESTOSTER-VIEW!
Here at ScrewAttack, I'm THE authority on all things Manly and Badass! So I'm going to throw out some scenarios and questions to test how Manly and Badass you are. ARE YOU A BAD ENOUGH DUDE TO SURVIVE THE TESTOSTER-VIEW!
Darkseid2: Probably not but I'll try.
Bygjuce: I'm sorry. I can't hear you.
Bygjuce: That's more like it!
Bygjuce: Question 1: If you had to go on a car chase with somebody, who would you go on that chase with, and why?
Darkseid2: Tom Cruise, because he is out of his damn mind and probably believes he really can chase someone down in a car. He gets shit done while screaming at people, and that's the most important factor.
Bygjuce: SCREAMING IS VERY IMPORTANT! PASS!
Bygjuce: Question 2: From Fairy Tail, who's hotter: Lucy Heartfilia or Natsu Dragneel?
Darkseid2: The one in this gif some guy I know uses.
Bygjuce: The fact that you were able to send me that gif so quickly is all the answer I need. PASS!
Bygjuce: Question 3: You're fighting somebody and they're charging up their chi for the next attack. What would you do?
Darkseid2: Zombie in a shopping cart.
Bygjuce: My god... that's the exact answer I have on my sheet! PASS!
Darkseid2: Frank has taught me well.
Bygjuce: Question 4: You're fighting a humanoid robot - a cybernetic organism, living tissue over a metal endoskeleton. You're about to get in the killing blow. What's your epic quip?
Darkseid2: "I guess I had this election ...IN THE BAG" and then I use the "Big Ass Gun" to murder him. Also, I'm the president and it's a re-election year.
Bygjuce: *consults with judges* Was the robot in some way hindering your re-election beyond trying to murder you?
Darkseid2: It was a cyborg Ronald Reagan. His approval numbers were far too high to ignore.
Bygjuce: PASS! And might I add, that was the best answer to ever grace the Testoster-View! Well done!
Bygjuce: Question 5: Without looking it up, answer this question: "Conan, what is best in life?"
Darkseid2: Killing, victory and sex with hot women because I'm totally not gay, just look at my big muscles, totally hetero.
Bygjuce: I'm convinced! PASS!
Bygjuce: Conglatruations! YOU ARE A MAN! You will be entered into Bygjuce's TESTOSTER-VIEW Certified Badass Wall of Fame! Well done!
Darkseid2: Does liking magical girl shows count as manly?
Bygjuce: Dude, I grew up with Sailor Moon. So yes. But if Sailor Moon doesn't count as a Magical Girl show or my dad is reading this, then I retract my last statement.
Darkseid2: Hear about that new anime coming out in July? The art directors on it are masters of art doctorate level visual porn.
Bygjuce: That's a thing!? Why am I just now hearing about this!? My degrees are worthless!
Darkseid2: Mononoke is porn for people who study art for a living. It's awesome artsy stuff. Also, the art directors did Gatchaman Crowds, so that's already a massive plus. Expect much glowing and colors contrasting in large amounts. And hopefully those lesbian scouts, they're awesome.
Bygjuce: Sir, you are a man among men! You have my eternal thanks.
Darkseid2: Hitler did nothing wrong, delicious soda drink for the youth.
Bygjuce: I... can't brain after that statement.
Anyway, Dark Side (Darkseid? Darkseid2?), I want to thank you for the interview and for introducing me to my next educational endeavor.
Buy war bonds. Don't trust the white man. Burn books. 9/11 was an inside job. Drink your Oviltene.
Also, if any of you think about touching my Rukia, I have a knife.
Bygjuce: No probs there. I'll stick with Orihime.
I'm afraid to ask, but is there anything else you'd like to say before we sign off?
Darkseid2: You'd be surprised to learn that BDSM enthusiasts are the nicest people you'll ever meet. Just find one of their threads on /d/ one night and be amazed at all the politeness and dirty talk.
Bygjuce: You know, I'd edit that out if it weren't so damn true. Until next time g1s! Stay Badass!
For more G1 Interviews, subscribe to G1 Features. Follow Darkseid's (Side?) on Screwattack, Caiminds, Teh Pwn Shop, or On the Dark Side of Things
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