g1 Spotlight: Jump 'n' Turtle
All the best g1 made content from the past week.
My name is Darkseid and this is a poor, half-hearted attempt to pay homage to Hard News! Okay, this is actually the g1 Spotlight, and I'm this week's writer, with forever emotionless hipster smoke108 as my research monkey and Woodyman as the host and creator of this here community continuation of that legendary series from V4 you new guys don't remember because you still were in your mama's belly.
Yes, that's how babies are made; food is digested inside of women and the food becomes babies. That's the only way to explain Octomom. Man, I sure am current!
My terrible comedy aside, let's get down to the spotlight and show the best of the best of ScrewAttack from this week!
Blake Robinson has posted a link to a new Chrono Triggger fan album. The DRM free, 40 minute collection can be found here. It's pretty sweet, just saying. If you're cheap, you can enjoy this here preview.
MegaSilverX1 decided to post some of his artwork here. It's okay, but my favorite part involved the NES title banners he has hanging around his room. They're neat.
The Flash and the Furious!
The Titanium Man of Flash Gaming contest #5 continues! Yours truly managed to avoid getting in last place again, because I got mad skill! Blinkey, Monderetro and my partner Craig are the guys to beat this time, while I desperately try not to suck at Neon! Exciting!
An offer you can't refuse *rummages through garbage*
Kwing, Youtube game reviewer extraordinaire, is giving away four copies of Animal Crossing New Leaf! Details are in the link, and hurry! You only have until August 30th!
Maniacal laugh, evil laugh, MUAHAHAHAHA!
Darkseid is reviving a v4 classic known as g1s of Villainy. This is a blog to discuss EVIL! Actually it's a blog to discuss villains, tropes, and much more. Join now!
Incest is not wincest
Something recently happened this anime season. Something...icky. I shared it with the other anime nerds on the forums, involving that show about a little sister who's really cute. People were actually surprised by what occurred.
Note from Woodyman: I'm a little bit scared to click that link.
Welcome to Hell, man!
The legendary Hellman made a return to the forums, only to leave a video and asking that we post it on My Little Pony forums. The video is about Arthur and it's...interesting. See for yourself.
Looks like Super Mario Bros. Z, the legendary crossover series that's been around since the web discovered the beauty of flash animation and sprite comics, will be getting ready for the final installments this month. Get ready for terrible fan fiction!
Mark Miller hates you
With Kick-Ass 2 now in theaters, we have a thread for it in the TV section. Maybe you could, I don't know, see the movie and then discuss it here. why not? I would hug you.
Xbox, go home!
Sony continues to knock it out of the park as we discuss here. Fox prepared a rough list of the indie support Sony has, and it's purty sweet. For those thinking of getting the Xboner, here's the old thread where we mocked and lost our collective shit for about sixty pages.
Console Stats for Console Nerds
XenoL, our local elitist computer nerd who really does know more than us on technology, has found a complete list of the titles announced for the Xboner and PS4. Fanboys, enjoy using this as ammo in your endless bickering.
ALSO HERE ARE SOME SIGS... or just one
On SideScrollers this week the crew discuss TERRIBLE movies, and getting your dick blown off. Nick shows off his racing skills that are as sweet as moonshine in the latest VGV for Nascar 99. My favorite this week was The Clip - Crap On Your Competition... just watch it.
Quick, Nagisa, thrust in the direction of the main part of the spotlight! We need to find it!
Thank you, Nagisa. I am forever in your debt.
The only good bug is a dead bug!
g1 Bygjuce looks at one of his favorite games, Galaga! He says that Galaga is America, and I have to agree. Do you know how many bees I have to shoot down on my way to work? I have to shoot all the bees, or else they shoot back with nuclear arms. Made of honey. And plutonium.
The okay, the amazing and the amazing
g1 Noble Team, who I imagine is actually thirteen samurai chipmunks sharing an account, reviewed AssCreed II, Super Mario Galaxy and System Shock 2. They are good reviews and you should watch them. The joke is that they're written and therefore you read them. Jokes.
Xbox, I'm going home, not you!
With the recent release of Gone Home, g1 strummerdood decided to take a look at the storytelling experiment. Is it worth your time, or just another Dear Esther? Well, you could read the review and find out, I guess...
JUMP AND SHOOT MAN
Wulfon wrote a little something on Megaman 7. What does he think of it? Is it retro JRPG enough for him and his love for retro JRPGs? This joke would make sense if you knew him. I am sorry.
You know that one guy you just want to punch in the nose? Kazman certainly does and listed his favorite videogame baddies to murder horribly. Remember, you can't spell 'happiness' without 'murder everything.'
Moe does not exist in the three-dimensional form!
So I did a list of the ten best female characters this Summer anime season. Count this as my one moment of self promotion. I am a dirty whore and shall restore my honor by killing myself with a pen. Made of acid.
Note from Woodyman: Hmm...
You got FUCKED
Mazer (who is not a taser) made a list of terrible games that are actually really awesome. He even wrote a book on why they're so great by Duke Nukem. jokes and jokes and jokes and jokes and jokes yuk yuk yuk
The Heavy Metal Gamer has just posted a teaser video for his next video review! This time, it's Ghost & Goblins. May god help that man, because he's going to need it.
g1 perrydactyl made a video on the characters he wants to see in the next Super Smash Bros. Who made number one? No, it wasn't Master Chief. Or Goku. Please leave.
That shitty game!?
Zero Master did a re-edit of one of his old reviews of Megaman 7. That Bass guy seems pretty fishy, if you ask me. Wait, does that count as a pun or not? Also, Megaman 7 is popular this week, the first time it has ever been popular ever.
I'd wrote a title here, but I took an arrow to the... OH GOD STOP THROWING ROCKS AT ME
g1 Mcgunn found a terrible indie game about archery. Stupid things abound. Legolas this cat is not. Hell, he's not even Gimli with that aim.
I'm I rotting UGUU~
Paradise and Faries made a list of the anime deaths that hit him hardest. There is no Dragonball Z on this list. I have decided that this guy has taste solely on this fact and I want to shake his hand.
Might as well jump!
Jordan Underneath takes a look at SCP-087-B. There may be more to the title, but it has nothing to do with spooky skeletons, and that makes me sad. I wanted shivers down my spine.
Madhog decided to go deep in the anime vault for the little known Ribbon Knight. Does this aged animu stand up to the waifu factories of today? Why not find out?
Which is sexier?
Agents of the Valley have a new show known as The Meta Game! This episode; they discuss which is more attractive, sims or Russian blocks? I'm putting money on the Russian blocks.
CYGNUSDESTROYER20XX REVIEWS AMERICAN GLADIATORS ON THE NES WHILE SCREAMING BECAUSE AMERICA HIS HEAD REMINDS ME OF A SKULL THAT IS SCREAMING THAT'S FUCKING KAWAII
Too many turtles!
PortsCenter looks at the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles videogame on Amiga. And then looks at Teenage Mutant Hero Turtles on the Amiga. Oh Europe, you and your odd renaming and nazism and eel pie and windmills and cheeses and fancy wines and classical pianos.
Left, Right, Green lol hurr hurr
g1 JohnnyCrimson2000 continues with his Hidden Gaming Gems series with Silhouette Mirage. Is this Treasure made title a hidden gem? Ha, I took the high road! No puns for you, moe pigs!
Raziment's dog recently passed away, so he made a list of beloved companions in videogames. Also, he cusses a lot. I don't mind this. But he insulted Epona, my horse waifu. No, not really, I don't have a horse waifu, that'd be dumb.
It's coming RIGHT AT US! ALL CAPS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!ONEONEONE
Gamin Tank has a little issue with classical games on the 3DS. Why don't they make more use of the 3D tech or bring in things like leaderboards? AND WHERE ARE THE EXCLUSIVE ACHIEVEMENTS!?!?!?
Slave labor not sexual. jokes
Zoiney looks at one of his favorite games from his childhood, Harvest Moon 64. It is a game with a slave but it is not about slavery. No, if you want a game about slavery...well, a certain kind of slavery, I know a few places...
Bring me poems of Spider-Man!
Bygjuce, working with Literary Luminary's blog, did a piece on poetry and what exactly it is. He also has a challenge for you all to take part in, as I plan to. Remember, poetry doesn't make you gay, it just makes you, as history has informed me, poor and alcoholic.
Turtles love flies and pizza
The On The Rocks guys looks at TMNT: Turtles in Time this week, along with the modern remake and drink their own form of the Ooze. The lack of pizza is shameful. Otherwise, good stuff.
nerds talking about videogames
Ryan and Tyler of Dapper Gaming discuss videogames in a podcast they have. Videogames. This week's subjects are Counter Strike: Global Offensive, PayDay 2 and The Witcher 3. The Witcher is a game where you have sex with a lot of women and that is the extent of my knowledge.
Press X to nuclear physics
Its another episode of the Press the Action Button Podcast! They named this one "Cleveland Fuckbucklers" and that alone is worth at least a listen. The podcast is in Quicktime, so heads up if you have a slow computer.
Scores, Nostalgia and Automobiles
g1 Stickman weighs in on the recent DuckTales review shit storm. Also, he brings up our overreactions to reviews. Is he right or wrong? You decide. But I think he's wrong because Cheetahmen 2 totally deserved at least a 8.5 out of 10 from every reviewer.
Needs more chaos
Lady Mrarkon did not like Dishonored, and she rants on why she did not like it. Is her opinion right or wrong? Let's let the internet decide! Surely that can only end with intelligent discussion.
That's just nutty
In a bizarre showing, Nathan Diyorio decided to talk about Goombas. Also, the question of why Nintendo hates white Goombas was raised. What did the whites ever do you you, Nintendo? What did they do?
P is for cockfighting
g1 bigjoe91 has been counting down his favorite game series in a series on his gaming ABCs for awhile now, and it looks like he went with the obvious 'P' choice. So, what makes Pokemon so special to that cat? Get it? Cause his avatar is of a cat. Cats have barbed penises.
Now that's what I call a sticky situation
EmeraldSonic101 found his old Game Boy Printer and decided to talk about it. See, the Game Boy Printer was useful when making counterfeit money that you could stick on your Trapper Keeper.
If I may stop making terrible references and get personal for a moment, one of the people who inspired me to start blogging was Elmo3000, partly because I was impressed with just how much that guy could write. I doubt I would be doing what I'm doing without him, so I figured he deserved some recognition this week. Instead of posting that Room 101 he did with me (where I got the name of one of my favorite characters wrong the entire time), I decided to bring up Elmo's look at nightmare fuel in kid's games. Yes, The Legend of Zelda is mentioned, unsurprisingly.
Haven't you always wanted to be a game review and get all the money, power and whatever you want to have sex with that comes with it? So did KingSigy. Then he played The Curse of the Nordic Cave. This was the game that stopped him from ever wanting to be a game reviewer for as long as he lived, the game that completely defeated him through the sheer terrible design of it. Is it really that bad? Yes. Go read why and learn something from this cautionary tale.
go read my anime blogs heres a funny image with no context
THEY'RE THE FOOD AND WE'RE THE HUNTERS!
NO ONE REMEMBERS THE NAMES OF TRAMPLED FLOWERS
FALLEN BIRDS AWAIT THE NEXT WIND BEFORE THEY TRY AGAIN
PRAYERS WON'T SAVE US
ONLY THE WILL TO FIGHT CAN CHANGE OUR WORLD
OUR COMPLACENCE AS LIVESTOCK STRENGTHENS THIS FALSE REALITY
WE'RE AS FREE AS STARVING WOLVES!
CHANNEL THE HUMILIATION OF IMPRISONMENT INTO YOUR FISTS AND FIGHT THE OPPRESSION
FAR BEYOND THE CONFINING WALLS
YOU'LL SLAY YOUR PREY!
AS YOUR BODY BURNS WITH AN OVERFLOWING URGE
PICK UP YOUR BURNING BOW AND GASH THROUGH THE TWILIGHT!
Also you guys are cool, okay bye.
NEVER! I have standards, dangit! I'm a g1 through and through. It's ScrewAttack or nothing, and I've been caught in the nothing for too long.
Whose lipstick is that on your collar? Is that...Dorkly? Or is it that hussy VG24/7? GASP! You haven't been with that new tramp in town Hidden Block have you?!
I know, right? There's a lot of truth in that, and the truth hurts.
I like my barbed longshot. Nice spotlight sir. A bit scary, but nice.
One day you will have to stop with these endless hiatuses.
Good to see the g1's going as strong as ever. Nice to see you again Darkseid, Smoke, Woody.
With luck, I can get two seconds of time for myself to post a loooong overdue Top 10.
Featured twice in one spotlight? My mom is so proud!
Thanks, guys! And to everyone reading this, try my poetry challenge! :)
lots of content on this g1spotlight... and incest in anime...seriously japan wtf
Entertaining as always Darkseid. Well done.
Big hand for that ending.
You kept my conclusion and tag <3