The g1 Worst Ever: Glitchy Games
Hello, g1s. Welcome to a new g1 Worst Ever. We've all been there: a game is doing just fine, and then all of a sudden it completely falls apart thanks to glitches. Whether there wasn't enough time to make them or the designers were lazy, these are the games where the experience was ruined thanks to that no good Game Glitch Gremlin. Without further ado, here's
There are a lot of glitchy games out there -- some glitchier than others. But when it comes to choosing the absolute worst glitchy game, it's best to choose a game whose glitchiness not only renders the game nearly unplayable, but it does so on top of already being a bastard. Of course the unfair, hard-as-balls Ghosts 'n Goblins for the NES was also a gliched up pile of shit! That game would do anything to make prepubescent suicides rate increase -- because it hates you!
Ghosts 'n Goblins is notorious for being a difficult game. It has stiff controls, unfair enemy placement, and the "shitty weapon nobody wants because it's slow and is just all around terrible" (I'm looking at you, fire weapon). But then, in addition to all that abuse, you have the glitchesome of which are so infamous that they've actually been given names.
The first I want to talk about is the "Poison Ladder." This glitch falls under the category "Invisible Damage." And, yes, damage for no reason is so common that it gets its own category. Hurray. Anyway, the Poison Ladder is on the sixth level, and it happens when you go up a particular ladder.
Going up that ladder will not only give you damage, but it'll also summon an invisible Red Arremer AKA that red devil son of a bitch that's always too high and too fast to hit. If you happen to survive the Poison Ladder thanks to your armor, you can look forward to fighting the worst enemy in the game in your underwear.
There's also another Invisible Damage spot right before you reach the third level's boss. What kind of bullshit is that!? That's so freaking unfair! Not only is the third level the hardest in the game with like five Red Arremers, but now you have to fight the level's boss (which is a big-ass Chinese Dragon, by the way) in your underwear! Capcom sure does seem to have a recurring fetish going on here...
Not all of the glitches will increase your blood pressure and result in your television exploding due to controller-throwing related incidences. There's a pretty helpful glitch that will make those asshole Red Arremers disappear so you don't have to worry about them! Simply get them on the edge of the screen, chuck a weapon at their face, and then run like hell in the opposite direction when the projectile lands. And I mean run for a good five to 10 seconds. When you return, he'll be gone. It's the game's only saving grace.
But, with anything good we get from Capcom, of course they have to balance out the universe with something evil. Enter the game breaking bug... I don't know what the hell it's called. Basically, you just keep walking through walls. It's kind of creepy...yet hilarious!
Because its glitchiness compounds its already unfair difficulty, Ghost n' Goblins is the worst glitchy game ever! I still love it, though.
There are few games that make me quit out of frustration. Usually, I put a game on the backburner, or just drop it when I know I'm simply not good enough to beat it. I'm a really, really busy guy, so I don't really spend as much time trying to get better at many games beyond stuff like DMC3 and GOD HAND. For a game to make me quit due to frustration, it needs to not only be difficult, but be unfairly difficult. The Incredible Hulk: Ultimate Destruction is one of those games.
To clarify, I have the PlayStation 2 version, which is probably a large part of the problem because it is a buggy, little port. We're talking about glitchy games, and my first paragraph was all about unfair difficulty. You probably figured out where this is going. A lot of the challenge of the game comes from the laziest of design, that being just throwing more enemies at you or ones that take more damage instead of interesting enemies with new patterns or moves that require different tactics, and a lot of it also comes from how clunky controlling the Hulk is. That part makes sense and I don't mind as much (like Hulk would control as smooth as Spider-Man), but the crap with the enemies is unforgivable, ESPECIALLY on the PS2 version.
The PS2 hardware is weaker than the rest of its generation, meaning most its ports suffered from slowdown and occasional choppiness. Sometimes, it also meant there would be weird bugs at the worst possible moments. But what it means overall is in a game that's already heavily flawed and can only be played with fun intact on Easy mode is that things get much, much worse. There is this one moment that broke me and had me slamming my controller on my desk. I mean this literally, as in what the word literally means, not what people think it means. There are still dents. I've played GOD HAND on hard, people. This was the game that broke me.
There's a part towards the final chapters where you have to gather sciency things because the plot said so, and so you run around the desert to do so. The last item you need for that mission is actually a trap, as multiple generators appear and put up a force field, while multiple hulkbusters appear to wreck your shit -- about seven or eight. The goal is to throw whatever you brought with you or the hulkbusters at the four generators until they blow up, because they're all on the outside of the force field and take a ridiculous amount of damage. This is already difficult because the lock-on system is ass when there's a ton of targets to cycle through. It's also worse on the PS2.
Because of the sheer amount of things going on, the slowdown hits new levels of horrible and the screen becomes a choppy mess. Making things worse is the habit of hulkbusters to stand right in the way of the thing you're trying to destroy, along with their fucking grab attack that deals an insane amount of damage. It’s nearly impossible to avoid in close combat when the game starts chugging along like a wagon on a flat road with a pile of boulders as cargo, AND HAS YET ANOTHER BUG. The free action rule, where flashy cinematic attacks cannot be affected by anything else occurring while they’re in play, does not exist here. Hulkbusters can still attack you while you're in an overly long grab animation, meaning you're completely defenseless for about three seconds. This doesn't sound too bad EXCEPT THE HULK CAN BARELY TAKE ANY FUCKING DAMAGE, THERE'S NO HEALTH PRESENT WITHOUT DESTROYING HULKBUSTERS AND KEEPING THEIR BODIES INSIDE THE FORCE FIELD, AND ALL THE HULKBUSTERS ARE OVERLY AGGRESSIVE AND ARE ALMOST ALWAYS ATTACKING TOGETHER WHEN THEY DO ATTACK.
The only possible way I could have beat this was when the game glitched out again and the generators popped out without the force field appearing. The hulkbusters still caught me off guard, drained nearly all my health, and most of the remaining mission was me trying to find health orbs in the town to no avail. Also, I still had to destroy all the generators, even though it was no longer necessary because the game wasn't aware of the glitch and didn't skip me to taking the target item and delivering it somewhere else.
So yeah, fuck The Incredible Hulk: Ultimate Destruction.
Skateboarding games have always been a genre whose attraction I never really understood. I know riding on a skateboard is harder than it looks, and being able to do so virtually sounds fun as far a dream fulfillment goes. Personally though, I've never been into skating at all, so it never applied to me.
In fact, skateboarding games in particular have become more and more embarrassing as more and more are released. The Tony Hawk games have essentially become a joke ever since they attempted their skateboard peripheral and drastically failed. Any other skateboarding game has either been a useless franchise cash-in or just some generic skateboarding game trying to jump on the Tony Hawk train.
However, if one stood out in the fray, it was the Skate series. Why? Because it was so damn hilarious that it was impossible to put down. But how could a skateboarding game become so hilarious? Well, glitches help.
I'll be the first to admit that Skate 3, the installment I'd like to focus on, is actually not a terrible game by any stretch of the imagination. It's decent, at least in my opinion, and provides good open world gameplay. Hell, I've gone an hour or two at times with barely any glitches to be seen. But when it glitches... oh boy, does it glitch.
Usually, glitches are insanely annoying and impede upon the experience of playing the game. Games like Sonic 06 fall into this category. However, Skate 3's glitches are so random, so incredibly awkward, and so hilarious, I actually think it enhanced my experience. I'm not saying it's a good thing that Skate 3 is loaded with glitches left and right at times, but I do think that it offers up some pretty great laughs and makes the game twice as fun. There are some moments in the game where there's a boring rough patch, but a nice healthy glitch is there to cheer you up. I love them every time.
I do see some repeat a tad too often, but overall, it's a hilarious mix of glitches, wall-breaking, disembodied limbs, spastic dancing, and just utter disappearance. It's simply fantastic, and anyone looking for a good, funny time should try Skate 3 out. Sure, play it for the solid, open world skating it gives you, but just go into it expecting some hilariously fun glitches.
This is a horse that has been beaten long after its death. Sonic ’06 is the worst glitch filled game there is. The series took another FOUR years to actually recover from this and start making playable Sonic games again.
It wouldn’t even be so bad if it was just a one off mistake just trying out new stuff, but many of the glitches that haunted Sonic ’06 were prevalent as far back as the first Sonic Adventure and continued all the way up to Sonic Unleashed. It’s no wonder the Sonic name became one that many gamers can no longer take seriously, no matter how good later installments could be.
Let’s start with probably the most famous broken section of the game: the fight with Silver. Do you know why the loading time is so horrible here? It’s because rather than loading the area of the town where you fight Silver, the game decides to load the ENTIRE CITY despite the fact that it isn’t needed at all! During the fight itself, if you are thrown against a wall, you can get stuck in an infinite loop of Silver attacking you, but you can’t die because your last ring keeps flying back into you. Meanwhile Silver keeps on shouting ‘It’s no use!’ Thanks, we get it. The camera likes to put itself in the worst positions possible and regularly will kill you within seconds of stepping into a level or changing characters. Sadly, this tends to be a regular occurrence in Sonic games, but it is emphasized beyond any kind of reason here. There are major clipping issues and general issues with touching solid objects. Boxes, cars and buildings will fly off in random directions or just behave strangely. Walking through buildings and falling into pits that just aren’t there are considered normal for this game.
Character controls barely work. You can barely control Sonic in the HUB level and will regularly die or, if not, defy physics in strange and sometimes hilarious ways. Hey, look! Sonic is standing on the sidewalk diagonally! The physics just wasn’t even close to being completed. Sonic sometimes disappears entirely when he takes damage. Maybe a graphic wasn’t put in to the final game?
Whichever character you have following you has horrible AI to the point where they will constantly fall (sometimes not even jump) into bottomless pits repeatedly, screaming as they fall to their doom. Sometimes they will even fall to the ground and die in the hub worlds with no explanation and just creepily lie there.
The water in this game is barely functional, and sand is even worse. If you so much as touch the water in the first level, you don't just drown. The entire level can vanish into the void as you become one with the deep. If the character is more than knee deep in either sand or water, they will drown. Problem is, there are several levels where you have to walk across sand, which looks exactly like the dangerous quicksand, except when you step in it, it splashes like water.
Unfortunately, the Sonic series has suffered enormously from this game. So many former fans just stopped caring, and despite new games that are coming out that are actually good (or at least playable), all they can see is Sonic ’06 again and again. There are no excuses that can possibly be given to Sega for rushing out a beta game that is only barely playable and probably wasn’t a good idea to begin with. Despite all this, the levels had some good ideas. If the developers put some care into it, it COULD have worked well enough. But they chose not to, and that is why Sonic ’06 is the worst glitchy, and maybe even the worst overall, game ever.