LIVE, FROM THE INTERNETS IT'S THE 3RD ANNUAL GIMPY AWARDS, AND NOW WELCOME YOUR HOST...THE STICKMAN! *Cue Applause*
OH THANK YOU THANK YOU, WHAT WONDERFUL APPLAUSE YOU REALLY ARE A GOOD AUDIENCE. OKAY. STOP. STOP! FUCK.
Hello g1's, and welcome to the Gimpy Awards 2012! For the 3rd year in a row (4th if you include the Sticky Awards) here is my picks for the best and worst of Movies, TV and Games from the year just passed, and your picks from the People's Choice as well! Wonderful, hmm? As always we're going to start with TV, then Movies before getting to Video Games, and after that we'll have the traditional Biggest Cock/Cunt (Depending on if I want this featured by ScrewAttack) Award, followed by the all important Best Thing...then the People's Choice. It's a big ass blog, hope you're ready for some AWARDS, BITCHES.
Best TV Channel.
A strong contest between Channel 4 and BBC One was won out by 4 in the end due to its recent push for glossy, high quality dramas. It's blend of comedy, drama and a host of well handled premieres of great films means that, when I have access to a TV (Which isn't that often these days) it's generally on 4. The problem with BBC One is that, whilst great to watch as well, it lacks much in the way of daring drama/comedy, sticking mainly to long running series's. Channel 4 has had numerous big budget mini-series's all with high profile actors and often unique premises. They also provide funding and airspace for indendent short filmmaking which is something I can really dig. Throw in films such as Attack the Block and comedies such as 8 out of 10 Cats, as well as completely oddball and unique one-offs like the Channel 4 House Party (Which was an all night, uninterrupted live DJ mix) and you've got yourself one hell of a channel, with 2013 set to be even better for it.
2nd Place - BBC One.
3rd Place - Film4.
Funniest TV Show.
The Ricky Gervais Show.
I'll get this on the record right away, I don't find scripted Ricky Gervais shows funny at all, The Office, Extras and Life's Too Short really don't do it for me. That said, shows like An Idiot Abroad (Which failed to make the cut this year due to it's poorly concieved pairing of Karl and Warick Davis, PILKY DON'T NEED NO COMPANION) and The Ricky Gervais Show really do it for me, a lot, mainly because it's just a bunch of lads bantering about stuff, and funny stuff at that. Obviously the star of the show is Karl Pilkington who's...urr...unique views on life bounce perfectly off Gervais and Stephen Merchant (Who played Wheately in Portal 2) which, paired with the quirky retro animation, creates the perfect comedy show that always left me in hysterics. The 3rd season was no different, with Karl's second movie pitch and WW2 poet roleplaying being the highlight of a great set of episodes which, tragically bring the series come to an end. But we'll get to that in just a moment, all you need to know right now is that The Ricky Gervais Show is brilliant.
2nd Place - A Touch of Cloth.
3rd Place - The Big Fat Quiz of the Year 2012.
TV Show I'll miss the most.
The Ricky Gervais Show.
Alas, yes, once again the funniest show of the year for me is also the one I will miss the most. Although An Idiot Abroad was actually brought back for one fun, but disappointing mini-series late into 2012, I don't think we'll be seeing The Ricky Gervais Show again due to Gervais' seemingly unbreakable rule of "No more than 3 series' ". It's a damn shame he feels that way because the world needs more Karl Pilkington, and with this and Idiot Abroad over, and no more comedy shows starring everyone's favourite talking orange in sight...what's a guy supposed to do? Watch repeats I suppose, which I will most certainly be doing with this one. High quality animation, a great trio of comic personalties and some truly hillarious topics of dicussion, which even when serious/straight forward, manage to be twisted into something to leave you in hysterics by Karl. I'll miss this show, and I hope we get something similar from the gang in the near future.
2nd Place - Tron Uprising.
3rd Place - A Town Called Eureka.
As great as Rick Grimes is (Having won this award in a previous year), you really can't go wrong with Daryl Dixon, everyone's favourite redneck. He's been through a great deal of development from Seasons 1-3, starting out as somewhat of a lesser player before becoming second in command to Rick in his Ricktatorship (which is just going SO well right now) and resident badass for the group. He's a lover, he's a fighter, and he's even a great father-figure for Carl who, let's face it needs all the help he can get right now. He can also cook a mean Possum. He really is a man of many talents and very much deserving of the award.
2nd Place - Saul "The Bear" Berenson.
3rd Place - DC Anne Oldman.
Best Animated Show.
Cartoon Network may not be what it used to be (According to 90's Kids) anymore, but it's safe to say it still has a home for great toons that are enjoyable for all ages. Regular Show, which had parts of 2 seasons spread across the year is a perfect example of this. On one level it's a zany comedy about some colourful cartoon animations who get into crazy situations every week. On the other hand it's about a bunch of stoners who drink booze, play games and cause shit for their bosses. Okay, so they may not be stoned, but it's quite clear to see what JQ Quintel, the creator of the show is trying to do here. Regular Show is about as close as CN gets before becoming Adult Swim, it gets away with a lot through innuendo and clever wordplay, which is great both because kids can watch and enjoy it, which they deserve to be able to do, and us nerdy teenagers/adults can enjoy it as well. Mordecai and Rigby are some of my all time favourite CN characters, I can relate to both of them in different way, but I'm definetely just as annoying and useless as Rigby. So yes, best animated series hands down. That Christmas Special was just the icing on an already delicious cake.
2nd Place - Tron Uprising.
3rd Place - South Park.
Best Show nobody watched.
Y'know what infurates me? When a show I simply don't like/understand the insane popularity for gets all the attention whilst a show like Tron Uprising goes completely under the radar, gets ignored by everyone despite being the finest and most mature piece of animated story-telling ever found on a channel as stupid as Disney XD and as such gets cancelled after only 19 episodes of increasingly brilliance. Like with Regular Show, Tron gets away with a lot due to the way it presents things, torture, execution, massacres, genocide and more are covered and accepted for kids TV on the basis that it's all about "Programmes" rather than people, and instead of blood you have cubes...lots of cubes...splashed all over the floor like...oh I don't know, BLOOD? Not only is it mature, smart programming, it also looks amazing thanks to its hyper-stylized visuals which take the sexyness of Tron Legacy and run with it. It's not perfect, it could have been better if it wasn't CGI, and it's rare actual attempts at comedy often fall flat but...c'mon guys, will you give this show a go? I feel like this poor thing is going to die without anyone noticing, let alone being as upset as I am. Turn off The fucking Hub and put on this. You'll thank me later.
2nd Place - A Touch of Cloth.
3rd Place - N/A.
Best TV Moment. *SPOILERS*
London 2012 Olympic Opening Ceremony.
Oh how they were all wrong. All the people who said we couldn't pull it off, we couldn't make an Opening Ceremony as memorable as Beijing's, they said it would be a disaster, an embarassment, as the countdown started on the day all people were wondering was how much of a let-down it was going to be and then...it actually happened, and everyone (Minus some Conservative Party dickwads) loved it. No, it didn't surpass Beijing in terms of a bigger army of abused and threatened performers (Who were all forced to wear nappies whilst practicing so they didn't have to take toilet breaks), but what it lacked in scale it gained in heart and soul. Danny Boyle is a brilliant director, and one of the countries best, he knew what he was doing when he put this all together, minus the snorefest that is the 2 hour flag procession...thing, the entirety of the Olympic Opening Ceremony was breathtaking and oddly patriotic, something we Brits aren't generally known for, and set the tone for what would be a great summer for the country indeed.
2nd Place - Regular Show Christmas Special - Ending.
3rd Place - The Walking Dead - Till death do we part. (You'll know what I mean if you've seen it)
Most Anticipated of 2013.
Luther Series 3.
God damn I missed Luther this year. With Idris Elba a big Hollywood player these days, what with starring roles in Prometheus and Pacific Rim under his belt to name but a couple, it's not surprise that everyone's favourite crazy London detective took a year off catching crims in his new "Serious and Serial" police unit. It's probably for the best though, on the basis that over the past year the show has grown tremendously in popularity thanks to BBC America and numerous award nominations and wins for the show and its star. 2013 is the year Luther returns though, hopefully in style, for what will apparently be the final series before making the (planned) jump to the big screen, almost assuring its win for the next "TV Show I'll Miss the Most" award before the year has even started. I don't feel many people I know on here have watched Luther over the 3 years since the first episodes aired. Now's the time to catch up folks, because he's back, and soon!
2nd Place - Black Mirror Series 2.
3rd Place - Homeland Series 3.
Worst TV Show.
You know you're in trouble when the show you're looking at has been billed as "Britain's answer to Family Guy", because god knows we needed another one of those, right? Somehow Full English, ironically a Channel 4 production (Who just won the Best Channel award) manages to be even worse than anything that Seth "Hitler jokes at the Oscars" Macfarlane has pulled out of his humongous ego/arse in the past. Let's see, we've got terrible animation, terrible voice acting, no sense of style or originality and...oh yes, it's not funny. For an animated comedy to fail at both being animated, and being comedic...yeah, that's not good guys. With highlights including the above exchange between a dead Princess and a TV personality who died of terminal cancer, and a montage of gay sex, both of which apparently supposed to be funny, Full English is by far the worst thing I've seen all year. Cancel this shit please Channel 4. Like, now.
2nd Place - N/A.
3rd Place- N/A.
Best TV Show.
Mmm, oh yes. Homeland. Both Seasons 1 and 2 of this highly acclaimed US drama aired in the UK in 2012, one stupidly late in comparison to the States, the other about a week apart, meaning that I have 24 episodes of this brilliant CIA based thriller series...wait...24 episodes of an amazing show about terrorism? Hmm...now what does that remind me of...oh yes, 24. Homeland is basically my new 24, which means that I love it, and lots. The Walking Dead oh so very nearly beat it to the post with the first half of Season 3 being a considerable improvement over the already great second half of Season 2 that also aired in 2012, but it was Homeland that won out in the end. It has a host of likeable characters portrayed by incredible actors and actresses. It's smart, sophisticated, looks great, and also feels very real at the same time. With the Season 2 finale containing a shocking, heartbreaking twist, I seriously can't wait to see where the show will go in 2013. It's going to be along wait until September....a long long wait indeed.
2nd Place - The Walking Dead.
3rd Place - The Ricky Gervais Show.
The Dark Knight Rises - CRASHING THIS PLAANE.
You'll be hard pressed to find a Christopher Nolan film that doesn't have a badass opening, and with The Dark Knight sporting one of the greatest opening sequences in cinema history Rises had a lot to live up to. And whilst it doesn't quite top the Joker's chilling introduction in terms of sheer brilliance it still manages to deliver the best opening of the year by some considerable distance. Basically, it's Bane on a Plane and y'know what? HE'S INSANE. Escalating rather quickly from a CIA torture trip with a view to a plane that's missing the front and back, and is also upside-down. Oh and everyone's dead. If this doesn't paint Bane as a force not to be fucked with, I don't know what will. A film like TDKR needed to have an epic opening, and it sure delivered that with added DESHI DESHI BASARA BASARA DESHI DESHI DESHI BASARA BASARA.
2nd Place - Prometheus.
3rd Place - The Avengers.
Best Dumb Movie.
As much as we all love a film to blow us away with an amazing script or powerful messages, sometimes we just want to have some dumb fun, right? Right. Sadly though those films are often, nay always overlooked for awards come the end of the year. NOT THE CASE HERE! Last year Fast 5 won the award for best dumb movie, this year it's Indonesian kung-fu action...film, The Raid. Picture if you will, a towerblock run by an evil crime-lord and his army of crime-minions, then picture an army of SWAT peeps breaking into said towerblock. Then imagine they all fight for an hour and a half. That's basically The Raid...AND IT'S GLORIOUS. It's a movie comprised of nothing but pure karate-carnage and ultraviolent gun and knife fights. If that's the kind of thing you're into then I implore you to check this film out. It's wonderful.
2nd Place - N/A.
3rd Place - N/A.
Best Animated Movie.
Last year I struggled to come up with an animated film that i'd seen...let alone one worthy of an award. This year? I'VE GOT TOO MANY. How does one choose between the gloriously goofy antics of The PIrates, the classy black and white visuals of Frankenweenie and the sheer brilliance of Para-oh wait, there we go. It's Paranorman. Before you get mad at me for not including Wreck-it-Ralph, I should point out the film doesn't come out here in the UK until mid-February, therefore not able to be considered for a 2012 Gimpy Award. Paranorman on the other hand is very much welcome to it. Featuring stunning stop-motion animation with a truly unique visual style, a story with real soul and a cast of likeable, memorable characters coming from all sides of the "Hero/Villain" spectrum. I'm a somewhat vocal supporter of all things stop-motion, particularly that of the geniuses at Aardman, so it wasn't an easy decision backing a different horse for this award, but Paranorman is just one of those special films that excels all others in its genre. Maybe next year Aardman...scratch that, maybe in 5 years time when your next film is finally finished. Stop-Motion, right? Who would do it?
2nd Place - Frankenweenie.
3rd Place - The Pirates : In An Adventure with Scientists.
Best Film nobody saw.
Berberian Sound Studio.
Okay, so this film definetely isn't for everyone. It's basically just an hour and a half of unsettling noises and colours. It's also an independent British film so it's not exactly easy to come by, so don't worry, I'm not going to go apeshit like I did with Tron Uprising. Basically, this is a horror film about the making of a horror film where you never actually see the horror film being made. You instead see the always brilliant Toby Jones as Gilderoy, a foley (sound) artist who's been flown over to Italy to work on a "giallo" film called The Equestrian Vortex, and no that isn't a new name for reading Youtube comments on any video about games, TV or film. You don't see a thing, but you hear every horrific sound in graphic detail and see the horrors that the cast themselves have to go through. You watch as the mild-mannered Brit slowly descends into madness, with the last act of the film becoming somewhat of a mindfuck. It's weird as hell, but also very enjoyable for anyone into arty, but not pretentious films. Maybe worth a look should it ever pop up on the ol'Netflix.
2nd Place - Jack Reacher.
3rd Place - N/A.
Norman - Paranorman.
In a year full of Batmen and Hulks, why is it that a troubled, socially reclused horror fan managed to engage me the most? Probably because I can relate to Norman of Paranorman quite a lot. Sure, I can't see dead people, nor am I made of 3D printing powder, but as someone who had a somewhat traumatic schooling period of my life and just got on with things anyway, it's refreshing to see a character in that situation who does the same. He's picked on almost every day, finds it hard to make friends and spends most of his time watching horror films, but he just goes with it, I mean why let it bog you down? And in the end he is a hero and everyone loves him, and rightfully so, because he's a great character and my favourite of 2012.
2nd Place - Tony Stark - The Avengers.
3rd Place - Bruce Wayne - The Dark Knight Rises.
The Dark Knight Rises.
Hans Zimmer is, and always will be the greatest film composer in the universe for me. Every time I see his name mentioned about a film before seeing it, I know my ears are generally in for a treat. The Dark Knight Trilogy is some of his finest work, so it's only inevitable that Rises would provide yet another showcase of his immense talent. Sporting the now iconic Bane chant, as well both thunderously loud epic scores balanced with more somber tunes that make every scene 10 times more emotional than it should be. Nolan and Zimmer go together like Pringles and Vodka, AKA very well indeed. The end of the trilogy is sad for two reasons, firstly it's the end of the Nolan era of Bat-films, secondly it's most likely the end of the Zimmer era of Bat-scores. I'm sure whoever replaces him in the inevitable reboot will do a damn fine job, I mean you'd be hard pressed to find a Batman film, series or game that doesn't have an epic soundtrack these days, but will it be as good as Zimmer? No, probably not. I salute you, crazily named composer of my dreams!
2nd Place - Indie Game : The Movie.
3rd Place - Skyfall.
Best Movie Moment.*SPOILERS*
BLOODY LIFTS - Cabin in the Woods.
A controversial choice here, considering both The Avengers and The Dark Knight Rises delivered some truly epic fights and sequences which are well and truly worthy of a Best Moment award, but the horror fan within me just couldn't resist giving this phenomenally gory and spectacular sequence from The Cabin in the Woods the award in the end. Basically, the final act fo the film sees the surviving cast members descending into a strange facility where there are hundreds of elevators filled with horror icons from nearly every film ever made, all ready to be sent up to the cabin above. But in a rather stupid move by the engineers, what goes up can also come down, and sure enough just as the SWAT team arrive to take out the goodies, the elevator doors open and...carnage basically. Zombies, Werewolves, Pinhead, Tentacles, Rape-Trees (Nice little nod to The Evil Dead there), Vampires and even Unicorns obliterate the facility in a matter of moments. It's glorious, and as epic a crossover as The Avengers, even if it isn't actually a legitimate crossover. GLORIOUS. YES.
2nd Place - Batman Vs Bane : Round 1.
3rd Place - New York Fly-Around - The Avengers.
Worst Movie Moment.*SPOILERS*
SPIDEY NEEDS OUR HERP, AMERICUH - The Amazing Spider-Man.
Now, I think the Amazing Spider-Man is a better film than most people do, but there is simply no forgiving the cornyness in this particular scene which I sadly failed to find in its entirety on Youtube. Basically, Spidey's in trouble, he's wounded and Gwen is about to become Lizard chow...oh yes, and the whole of New York is about to be Lizard-a-fied (Which I can't see a problem with myself). Who will come to his aid? Only the fucking construction guy who's son he saved about an hour ago! OH HURRAH, THERE'S A GIANT AMERICAN FLAG EMBLAZONED IN THE BACKGROUND. OH LOOK, ALL THE CRANES IN NEW YORK JUST HAPPEN TO BE IN A STRAIGHT LINE DOWN ONE FUCKING ROAD IN A DIRECT PATH TO OSCORP, GREAT. OH LOOK, A CRANE SOMEHOW MANAGES TO RISE UP FROM THE GROUND JUST IN THE NICK OF TIME TO SAVE SPIDEY AND...OH GOODY, IT'S THE FUCKING FATHER JUST BY SOME RANDOM FUCKING COINCIDENCE. WONDERFUL. Oh wait, not wonderful, TERRIBLE.
2nd Place - Ending - The Bourne Legacy.
3rd Place - Ending - Red Lights.
Most Anticipated of 2013.
Good god does Neil Blomkamp like to make people wait! It's been 4 years since District 9 graced out presense and walked away with my first and only ever "Sticky Award" for Best Film. If he was that good with a tiny budget and unknown cast, just imagine what he could be like with oodles of moneys and some AAA talent! Yeah...you imagine that...and wait...wait for a long fucking time. Originally scheduled for release in March this very year, before Sony cruelly pushed it all the way back to August, presumably trying to get some post-summer blockbuster season momentum going. I'll keep on waiting...and I am oh so very excited to see what sounds like another smash hit from the rising star that is Blomkamp. Let's just hope it actually gets released this year and turns out a gooden, hmm?
2nd Place - Monsters University.
3rd Place - Pacific Rim.
When you're billing yourself as "Die-Hard in Space" you've got to get your shit together and make a great film. Sadly, the makers of Lockout didn't get that memo and instead decided to make a god-awful action film with not a single likeable character, terrible special effects and a plot so stupid it makes my eyes bleed. So, Guy Pearce plays a former government agent who is called upon by "THE PRESIDENT" to save his daughter, who's on a space-prison that's been hijacked by a bunch of Scottish people with no hair. Including the guy from Misfits....okay then. What proceeds is a dull, irritating little romp through space that has no entertainment value whatsoever. You don't root for the main character because he's a massive douche who can't finish a sentence without some sarcastic, mean-spirited quip, you don't root for the bad guys because you can't even understand what they're saying. What the hell do you do? You don't watch this film, that's what you do. In Space, noone can understand your thick Scottish accent.
2nd Place - The Artist.
3rd Place - Safe House.
The Dark Knight Rises.
It was a close one this year, with a host of great, long-anticipated films coming out across 2012. Prometheus, whilst not liked by a large majority of people, was very much enjoyed by me (Although not in the running for this award), The Avengers was a hugely entertaining, memorable film that can be watched over and over again. Skyfall had that perfect balance of new and old Bond, whilst also paying fitting tribute to the franchise on its 50th Birthday. On the other side of the spectrum Looper and Paranorman delivered unexpected hits that matched, if not surpassed some of the more highly anticipated offerings the year had for us. But in the end, it was old Batbrain's showstopping trilogy closer that took the coveted award. Joining Inception and Drive in the Gimpy Award Hall of Fame is The Dark Knight Rises, the epic, emotional climax (Just like me in bed last night, SWISH) to one of the greatest film trilogies of all time. Nolan had a lot to deliver on coming off of Dark Knight and Inception, and it's fair to say that he delivered, big time. Some people found flaws in the twists and turns along the way, some people didn't like Bane, some people just didn't like the film at all. But I did, a lot, hence why it recieves the award for Best Film of 2012.
2nd Place - Looper.
3rd Place - The Avengers.
Okay, so it's not quite as amazing as the playable opening to Arkham City last year, but this CGI opening to the new Halo trilogy is pretty fucking awesome. Seriously, I'm not sure I've ever seen CGI cut-scenes this good looking in a game. The graphics look great in game, but obviously they simply cannot compare to the stellar opening sequence which sets the story and tone of the game, not to mention getting you pumped for what will (hopefully) be an amazing experience (but it actually isn't all that great). YEAH. To be honest, this was the only gaming opening that stood out for me massively this year. That's not to say there weren't good openings or anything, just none that were as good as what was on offer last year. Oh well! Nevermind, next year, hmm?
2nd Place - The Walking Dead.
3rd Place - Lego Lord of the Rings.
Once again I've gone for art over realism. Sure, this year we had some games that really pushed the graphical envelope, like Halo 4 and Max Payne 3 but I find that it's the games which try to be creative rather than realistic that leave a lasting impression in my mind, although Halo 4 looked damn fine and had some moments of visual creativity, I'm afraid the award goes to the pixelly charms of Fez. Although techincally a 3D world, for the most part when looking at Fez you're seeing 2D sprites and locations, and very pretty ones at that. The whole game feels very modern and clean despite being retro styled, and the bright, cartoony colours and scenery really are a breath of fresh air in a medium so desperate to be brown and shiny. Each world has its own unique style, and the secret rooms that are homages to some of gamings greatest retro consoles look great as well. All in all, it's one sexy package.
2nd Place - Halo 4.
3rd Place - Max Payne 3.
Max Payne 3 may have had a unique, grungey soundtrack that fitted the tone of the game perfectly but it didn't half give me a headache sometimes. Fez on the other hand? Fez has got some relaxing-ass music. Serene at times, sinister at others, epic on occasion, all within the world of bloopy-de-bloop chippy tunes, it's all very nice indeed with the highlights of the soundtrack to me being in two of the secret levels, one of which can be heard above, the other can be found on the internet somewhere...probably. Once again, games like Max Payne and Halo 4 have these grand, unique scores that are great, but it's nice to tone it all down sometimes and just....relax....y'know? MELLOW OOOOUT MAN.
2nd Place - Max Payne 3.
3rd Place - Resident Evil 6.
Best Mobile Game.
Angry Birds Star Wars.
DUN DUUUUN DUUUN DUN DUNUUNN DUN DUNNUUUNNN! Oh no! It's the sound of something that's popular, therefore unpopular winning an award! I like Angry Birds, so fucking deal with it. Especially since it's free on Android now, you can't really go wrong with that. I don't play a whole lot of mobile games these days due to battery concerns on my phone and the fact that my 2G iPod Touch can't play shit anymore, but I did indeed download the rather odd crossover of Angry Birds and Star Wars and I can indeed confirm that it is the best Angry Birds ever made. Why? Because the levels are varied and interesting and the birds have cool power-ups that change over the course of the game! It's the same basic but no less winning formula from past Angry Birds games but refined and combined into what I would consider to be the best of all the different games merged into the perfect title in the series. You can WAH WAH about it all you want, it's fun, so that's a shame for you.
2nd Place - N/A.
3rd Place - N/A.
Lee - The Walking Dead.
Now here's a game that's been getting a lot of awards this year, and deservedly so. Whilst the gameplay is a bit limited and the graphics are....mixed at best it's the story that makes The Walking Dead game so engaging, and y'know what makes a story great? Good characters, and what makes leading character Lee a great character is because it's up to you just how he acts. He's your character basically, there's an already interesting backstory to him, but once the game starts? You're in control of what he says, what he does and who he leaves on the side of the road. Like in Silent Hill 2, the game challenges your perception of right and wrong, when you start out the game Lee is in the back of a police car, clearly having done some sort of crime (Of which I won't spoil), yet you can't help but like and empathize with him, making dealing with his dark past all the more difficult. It's hard to talk about real strong points of the character without spoiling the game for people which I refuse to do but, rest assured Lee is a great character. In a year of moany mcguffins (Max Payne) and DUDEBRO douchebags (Far Cry 3), Lee feels like a real person, and one you're in control of. Spooky.
2nd Place - Connor Kenway - Assassin's Creed 3.
3rd Place - Cortana - Halo 4.
Most Underated Game.
Resident Evil 6.
I don't know about you guys, but I do get tired of people hating on a franchise because it's not either not the same as it used to be (Yes, I know "Ohh you're a hypocrite because you hatin on Dead Space 3!" SHUSH) or because it's popular, or both. Resident Evil is one of those franchies that gets hate no matter where it goes or what it does, sometimes justifiably so. The problem is that when a game comes out like Resident Evil 6 which...whilst not perfect by any means (Show me a RE game that is) manages to provide a lengthy, entertaining campaign with great bosses, fun gameplay and high presentation values. Yet it gets all the hate because it's not pure horror...something I don't think RE ever really was anyway personally. If you've played through the game and don't like it, fine, but if you haven't then you might be missing out on a ton of fun. The first half of Leon's campaign is some of the best RE I've ever played, and whilst Chris, Jake and....*Shudder* Ada's campaigns never quite reach that same level, I enjoyed the hell out of each of them all the same...cept maybe Ada's. Throw in the best Mercs mode in series history and what have you got? A great game, one that's been overlooked by a lot of people.
2nd Place - Max Payne 3.
3rd Place - Assassin's Creed 3.
Best WHAT THE FUCK moment. *SPOILERS*
Rising from the Dead - Far Cry 3.
I haven't finished Far Cry 3 yet (Amazing as it is) but I simply couldn't leave this moment out of the running for the award because it's just simply so...WHAT THE FUCK!? Basically, after a rather intense/awesome sequence involving you trying to track down a certain crazy mohawk guy (Did I ever tell you...the definition...of insanity?) you get shot and wake up at the bottom of....oh, what's this? A mass grave. Yes. You, the player, in first person, must claw your way through the bloodied and swollen bodies of dozens of dead allies to the surface. ...UBISOFT...WE GOTTA TALK...WHAT IS THIS? They're all decomposey and squelchy and gassy and...EWWW...WHAT THE FUCK...but at the same time...it's awesome...in a "I'LL NEVER BE CLEAN" kind of way.
2nd Place - OH MY GOD ZOMBIE OSTRICH MEN - Resident Evil 6.
3rd Place - The "Welp...that happened" twist in the opening. - Assassin's Creed 3.
Ending - The Walking Dead.
Seriously guys...this is the very pinnacle of spoilers, DO NOT READ THIS IF YOU HAVEN'T PLAYED THE WALKING DEAD AND WANT TO...right...they all gone? Good, so! The ending of The Walking Dead...oh....jeez...the feels man, THE FUCKING FEELS. In a game full of stressful decisions about who lives and dies, who gets to eat etc...I think it was the closing moments of the game where Lee, slowly succombing to either a bite, or blood loss must not only give Clementine, the girl you've been protecting throughout the entire game your final words of wisdom that she will carry with her for the rest of her life...but you also have to choose whether she leaves you to die and possibly turn, or shoots you in the face and puts you out of your misery...TELLTALE...HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME? I...THE...HOW DO I? THE GAME...HOW...NO...anyway, it's amazing and probably the saddest moment in gaming history. If your heart doesn't break just a little bit when Lee says "I'll miss you" after all the shit you've been through...well then you might just be a bastard. FOR CLEMENTIME.
2nd Place - Kill Screen - Fez.
3rd Place - Airport Shootout - Max Payne 3.
Losing my 100% Save - Fez.
OH FEZ...HOW COULD YOU. Okay, so I played Fez all the way back in April, loved it to bits, played through it all again, attempted for 100%...may have had to cheat at certain points (Hell, I didn't have a QR code reader at the time!) but in the end, I did it! 100% on a game like Fez? Man I was proud, got all the achievments and then, there it was 100% on the title screen! JAWESOME. Oh...but what's this? A patch to fix all the bugs in the game? Great, maybe I'll play through it again....oh....oh what's this? Oh that patch corrupts save files? OH GOOD IT ONLY EFFECTS 100% COMPLETE SAVES...wait...that's me! FUUUUCK! And sure enough, months after the patch came out, I bit the bullet and started up the game again and....gone. So long 100% save file! FUUUUUUUUCK! The worst part is this is never going to be fixed! Does it do it every time you 100%, or is it just for people like me who completed it before the patch? It sucks either way, and gave me the worst moment of the year in terms of gamelyness. THANKS PHIL FISH, THANKS MICROSOFT. WOOO.
2nd Place - Oh...that was the last level? - Halo 4.
3rd Place - PLEASE STAND CLOSE TO THE MICROPHONE AT ALL TIMES - Resident Evil 6.
Best Game I haven't finished yet.
Far Cry 3.
Whilst still techically in the running for my overall Best Game of the year, it's fair to say that Far Cry 3 doesn't stand much chance of winning giving that I haven't finished it yet. That said, I felt the need to salute this truly wonderful game with it's own special award. This is actually my first Far Cry game, I've avoided them in the past because the ones I've had access to have been deemed shit by most people. This time around? The game looked great, and the moment it got great reviews to match I knew I needed it in my hands. And whaddya know, it's grrrrrreat! Feeling a bit like Just Cause 2 crossing over a game with a decent single player campaign, Far Cry 3 sets you on a huge tropical island full of stuff to see, things to do, people and animals to kill, and a host of brutally powerful weaponry to get it all done with. My personal favourite is the flamethrower, mainly because the game has something I've never seen before, which is realistic fire spreading. Set fire to a bush? You damn well better run, because the whole fucking forest will be up in smoke soon! It's great fun just to do it randomly, but to use it as a distraction and a means of killing enemies? MWAH. Perfect. It's a hard game which punishes you severely for dicking around but when dicking around is so much fun, you really do find yourself dying a lot. Not to mention, the campaign (Which I haven't finshed yet so SHUUUSH) is one of the best I've played this year as well. EXQUISITE.
2nd Place - Lego Lord of the Rings.
3rd Place - N/A.
Biggest Disappointment (In lieu of worst game).
Halo 4 (Campaign).
You can see I've rephrased the Award this year, that's entirely because as much as I was disappointed by the campaign, Halo 4 is most certainly not a bad game, it's just not a very creative one. Visually? Stunning. Artistically? Amazing. Fun to play? Sure. But is it unique in any way? Does it stand out from Halo's past? No, no it doesn't, which is a huge let-down for the birth a new trilogy by a new developer who should be wanting to leave their mark on one of gamings most influential franchises. Halo Reach had more or less the same gameplay as past titles, but it made up for that with an incredible story, amazing graphics and sound that made you feel like you were playing something oh so different from any Halo game prior. Whilst 4 looks very pretty and has some moments of kickass audio, to be honest, the story was a bit lackluster. Bar the strong Cortana/Chief relationship going on there I would go as far as to say it was bad. Halo 4's a great game, the multiplayer is kickass and the campaign has its moments but it was just...a let down, enough so for me to award it as my Biggest Disappointment of the year. Sorry Chief, you'll have to try harder next time.
2nd Place - Max Payne 3.
3rd Place - N/A.
It got some late last minute competition from Far Cry 3 and The Walking Dead, but in the end it was Gomez and his truly memorable platforming adventure that stole my heart from the moment I played it. It kinda goes to show that, despite my love of strong narrative and cinematic presentation that has made past winners like Dead Space 2 and Halo Reach win out overall, sometimes all it takes is a charming, simple yet deeply enjoyable downloadble game to better the multi-million dollar budgets of Halo 4 and Resident Evil 6. This game just has it all really, it looks gorgeous, sounds amazing, plays like a dream, has some truly unique puzzles and renews that past sensation of childish joy we used to get from games when we were younger. I love this game, it's not without it's flaws...mainly in the glitching department (Unintentional glitching I mean) and to be honest, I don't think anybody has a clue what any of it means. It just all feels so great and looks so pretty it just doesn't matter. Breaking the four year convention of me awarding bid budget sequels the coveted title for Best Game, it's the little guy, the underdog if you will that own out in 2012. Time to step your game up, big-shots, the indies are coming and they're out for blood!
2nd Place - Far Cry 3.
3rd Place - The Walking Dead.
Biggest Cunt of 2012.
Oh boy...do I have a bone to pick with these assholes. Now, the thing with Konami is there's only really a couple of their franchies that I really do give a shit about, and that's Castlevania and Silent Hill. Castlevania was more or less completely absent from actual releases this year (Although back with a vengence hopefully in 2013), but Silent Hill? Oh, Silent Hill was around...and boy do I wish it hadn't been. Basically, what Konami have managed to do, in one year, through the means of 3 awful, broken games and 1 terrible film is to completely destory one of gamings greatest franchises. We'll get to HD Collection in a moment, but first...Book of Memories? Really? Basically being a game that has nothing to do with the franchise except for the name stapled onto the box, BoM was a pointless, if not inoffensive kick in the nuts from Konami. Downpour? Well now, what Konami did with this is take the franchise out of the hands of the only developer since Team Silent to actually get how to make a game in the franchise good (Climax) and give it to someone who's only ever made a poorly recieved downloadble platformer. Great, and what do you know? The game doesn't turn out very good, in fact it's glitched up the wazoo and the gameplay stinks. Awful...but...almost forgiveable since the story is supposed to be quite good. Now...now what I REALLY can't forgive, is taking 2 games that are beloved by all, including Silent Hill 2, one of my all time favourite games, and butchering it completely. Konami apparently no longer have the original version of SH2, so instead thought it'd be a great idea to release a completely broken version with terrible new voice acting (Because they can't be arsed to pay the original actors) and graphics which actually manage to be WORSE than the original, package it together with a similarly butchered Silent Hill 3 (But not Silent Hill 1, making it an entirely pointless boxset) release it in stores fully aware it's broken and then try and make money off of the unsuspecting people who thought "How can you fuck up Silent Hill 2?". Now, they've acknowledged the game is broken, they've offered exchanges for people who bought it...yet...it's still on the fucking shelves! The game is fucking broken but they're still selling it full price! Toss in Silent Hill Revelation 3D, which is one of the worst reviewed films of 2012 and what do you get? A franchise in ruin, one we'll probably never see again, and a company who are completely useless at everything they do and are 100% entitled to be called the BIGGEST CUNTS OF 2012! Huuhh...hooho....I need a nap.
2nd Place - Zynga.
3rd Place - EA.
Best Thing of 2012.
...I mean, what can I say? This summer, the Olympics and Paralympics came to London, and as an extension, England. And whilst the Olympics are always a moment of great pride for all the nations taking part regardless of how far away the actual event is from their homes, this time? This time was special for the UK...oh so very special indeed. We all thought it was going to be a mess, we all thought something terrible was going to happen, after we almost got nuked by North Korea for messing up the football teams in the first event of the games we all thought this was just the start of a terrible summer...but then the Opening Ceremony happened...and then we got 2 weeks of pure joy and pride and countless moments that we'll remember forever. For one summer...this miserable little rock was united with pride and joy as we watched our greatest sporting team ever defy the odds and bring home medal after medal after medal. Then we got the Paralympics which filled us with both that same pride as well as a renewed appreciation for disabled athletes, and the disabled community in general. London 2012 was incredible for the UK, and whilst it may not have been quite as amazing to all you in the US, or Europe or Australia or whatever...for me? It was easily the highlight of 2012. I still get chills thinking about it.
2nd Place - The Dark Knight Rises.
3rd Place - Fez.
Aight! So, there are my choices, let me know what you think in the comments below, time for yours! Now...the great thing about the People's Choice is that it is never anything like mine because I'm weird and I don't like the same things 99% of other people do...anyway, ENJOY!
Best TV Show.
1st Place - Breaking Bad : 3 Votes.
2nd Place - Person of Interest & Parks and Recreation : 2 Votes.
3rd Place - Everything Else - 1 vote.
Worst TV Show.
1st Place - Brickleberry : 5 Votes.
2nd Place - Everything Else : 1 Vote.
3rd Place - N/A.
1st Place - The Avengers : 8 Votes.
2nd Place - Argo & Skyfall : 3 Votes.
3rd Place - Everything Else : 1 Vote.
1st Place - Brave, Abraham Lincoln : Vampire Hunter & Twilight Breaking Dawn Prt 2. : 2 Votes.
1st Place - SGC 2013 Funded & The Rise of Indie Gaming : 3 Votes.
2nd Place - Rise of the Kickstarter & Xenoblade Chronicles : 2 Votes.
3rd Place - Everything Else : 1 Vote.
Well now, those are some interesting winners...it's just a shame we didn't really get enough votes this year to paint a true picture of the g1's choices, maybe we'll do better for the 2013 Gimpy Awards...
WELP...we've reached the end! Both of 2012 and the 3rd Annual Gimpy Awards! I hope you enjoyed reading this blog, I enjoyed writing it, let me know what you think of the winners, losers and snubs in the comments below. Please do bare in mind though that this is all my opinion, I'm not trying to say this is the definitive best and worst of 2012, I'm merely providing my unique thoughts on what we got. So, remember that, leave me a comment, spread the blog about via the interwebs and hey....thanks for coming!
Later Gators and see you next year for the 4th Annual Gimpy Awards! ...maybe.