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Guru Guru's Top 10 hardest unlockables in video games

4/2/12 8:00pm
tl;dr

Programmers have a lot of fun messing with our heads. So they give their games a challenge: put all of the coolest stuff in the hardest to reach places and weirdest situations. Here are my top 10 hardest unlockables in video games.

Hey g1s! Welcome to my list of the top 10 hardest unlockables in video game history!! Keep in mind, that I still have many games left to play, and made this on a whim, so if you'd like to recommend some games with harder challenges, leave a comment below. Also, while I have gotten most of these items, I haven't gotten all of them, although I've come very close.  Also, there may be spoilers, as I'll go into detail as to how to get these characters, levels, or items. Alright, here we go!

10. Brütal Legend-Light of Dawn

         

Now, this one isn't as hard as the others to get, but if you played through this game like I did, it was. A lot of people don't know how great Brutal Legend is, but it has a lot of hidden secrets, songs, and cameos by some high up rock stars (my favorite was either Ozzy Osbourne as The Guardian of Metal, or Kyle Gass as "Kage the Cannoneer"). But some of the well kept secrets are the songs.

In this game, all you want to do the first time around is action, but the second time I played (I had to beat it on "Brutal" setting), I did a lot more free roaming. And after exploring the wasteland full of enemies and giant blades known as the Dry Ice Mines, you find this riff atop of the mountain you have to drive FOREVER to get to. And what does it do when you play this song? It brings out the freaking sun, and disables all enemy advantages and your team's defects. Just in time to fight your crazy zombie-vampire girlfriend and her army.

9. Classic Sonic Series-Chaos Emeralds/Time Stones

 

Okay, now this was a bit more of a challenge. Alright, finish the stage with 50 rings.  No problem, except there are enemies there hiding in the walls, blending into scenery, jumping out wherever , shooting crap at you, hiding around every corner. One hit, you lose every one, and can only get back twenty. Okay, now that you've got them, jump into that giant ring, and go to the bonus stage! Now, the first two Sonic games and CD weren't that hard; if you finished a stage with 50 rings, you pretty much had it made. Sonic 3 was tough, though. I freaking hate getting all of those stupid blue balls. I HATE IT. It's so frustrating, especially when you hit one of the bumpers...ah well. I'll get over it, racing at super sonic speed.

8. Super Mario Bros.-Minus World

Ah, the Minus World. Now, I'm a huge nerd, don't get me wrong, and love to find a good glitch in a game every now and then, but whoever found the Minus World either had WAY too much time on their hands, or  did it by complete accident. You know, you do the special jump, walk through the pipe, and go into the next pipe without entering the next screen. Who needs that silly old warp zone? Instead, welcome to the Minus World! A never ending watery hell, where you must play for all eternity, or reset the game. Unfortunately, my cousin and I didn't know this when we were little, so we spent a long while swimming on and on and on trying to unlock some secret world, prize, or something. We weren't too bright. 

7. Super Smash Bros. Melee-Luigi

 

Okay, Luigi might not be the hardest character to unlock, but he is one of the absolute weirdest. For those of you who haven't played Melee (I find it highly unlikely you haven't played at least once), here is how you do it: Select Adventure mode in the One-Player mode, and beat the first level, the Mushroom Kingdom. But before crossing the finish line, wait until the number in the seconds digit of the timer is showing a 2 (Milliseconds do not matter). Cross the line. You will get a funny little cutscene of Luigi stepping on Mario's head, and kicking him out of the way on the intro to the next level. Proceed to beat adventure mode, and beat him in the most angering stage in the game, the SMB2 stage. It's not very hard, and it's much more of a gameplay challenge to fight either Giga Bowser or Crazy Hand, but it's just so weird how you do it. Luigi was the last character I unlocked (besides Game and Watch) in this game. I mean, how is a seven-year old kid now how to do that without Internet or guide books? It's just so weird.

6. Twisted Metal 2: World Tour-Sweet Tooth

 

When I first played this game, I looked around for my favorite demented clown. But he was nowhere in sight on the character select list. But guess what? Jaffe was messing with your head. While TM2 has a couple of great in-game stuff that I'll talk about another day, to play as Sweet Tooth, you have to find the code hidden in lights on the New York skyline in the New York stage. But unless you die by falling off of the building in that exact spot, you have no way of knowing this. So, if you're actually good at the game, you have no idea of knowing this. But, I may have died once or twice...okay, a LOT of times(Especially during the Dark Tooth stage. That was super tough, man), and found this code. Now I roam the streets in my favorite polka-dotted ice cream truck.

 5. LoZ: Majora's Mask: Fierce Deity Mask

 

 Oh yeah, now this is my all-time favorite power-up. After painstakingly going through the game and collecting every single mask (I screwed up and had to do the Anju-Kafe sidequest TWICE) , you play games with the mystical masked children inside the moon, and give them every single mask you worked so hard to get! Oh, man, it was painful. But the last kid, now, he actually gives you a gift. A gift of awesomeness. The Fierce-Freaking-Deity mask, not just a gift from god, the power of a god. And it makes you look awesome. It makes the last boss of the game look like a joke. And let me tell you, my friends, it is SOOOO worth the hard work. Especially if you can glitch your cartridge to let you play as him everywhere.

4. Super Mario Bros. 3: Warp Whistles

Okay, I won't lie: I've never seen The Wizard. So I never knew about these awesome whistles of warp until I saw them in a few videos across the interwebs a while back. "What? You stand on that block and hold down for like 30 seconds? Who'd know that?" "How in the heck did he know to fly up there? HOW!?!?!?!" so, not so much of a secret to the world, but to me, this was hard.

3. Super Smash Bros. Melee- Yoshi's Island Stage N64

  Okay, I have never done this, and every time I try to do it, I fail. Miserably. However, looking this up, I just so happened to find a certain revealing video on YouTube, and may be heading for my good old Wii after finishing this. It's simple. In the Home Run Contest, select Yoshi. Then, hit the bag over 1,350 feet. Simple right? Yeah, it's simple. Except, pardon my French, it's harder than f*ck.

2. LoZ: Ocarina of Time- Ice Arrows

 Okay, if you have gotten these in  Ocarina of time, let me shake you hand and give you a medal, good sir or lady. You have done the near impossible. You have completed the Gerudo Training Ground, obtained every key, and knew every freaking secret door and passage to unlock. This is the only item on this list I have never ONCE at least been within grasp of. I've gotten every one up to the last one,  and been very close to that and numero uno. This one...holy moly. It's so complicated. And it's only a novelty. Nintendo originally wanted to have a purpose for the Ice Arrows, but couldn't find one in time for the game to get out. They had one by their next game, but decided to leave the arrows in anyway, as an in-game extra. Except they are amazingly hard to get. And I'm talking Predator hard (I saw Screwin' Around today...some of the best 2 hours 45 minutes of my life). Alright, so what we've all been waiting for, it's time for number one!

1. Sonic 3 and Knuckles- Super Emeralds

 

Okay. You thought the last one was hard? Well, you are correct sir, for they are all hard. But this is just incredihard. That's right, I just made a new word for it. First, do all of the hard bonus stages in Sonic 3 that I mentioned back in entry nine. Then, plug that cartridge into the Sonic and Knuckles cartridge and...do more blue sphere stages. It is so frustrating. I absolutely despise it. But guess what? It's hard for a reason my friends. For once you do this, you unlock one of the most sought after and coolest power-ups in video game history: Hyper Sonic (as well as Hyper Knuckles, and Super Tails).

   

It's just...epic.  You have so many powers and abilities, it's enough to make Keith Apicary cry. I'm currently working on doing this: Blue spheres have got me down. I'm gonna get it though! Just so I can see Sonic run so much faster, blow up enemies all over the screen, and flash seven different colors.

Well, that's my list. Thanks for reading, and if you have something more challenging for me, leave a comment below. Now if you excuse me, me and a little green dinosaur are gonna go unlock a certain stage that's been giving me grief for a LOOOOONNNNG time. 

Until next time, Excelsior! 

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