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Mario Party After Dark 2 Quotes

6/28/12 3:30pm
tl;dr

A list of memorable quotes from the second Mario Party after dark stream.

Welcome to the second part of Mario Party quotes! To read the first part, click HERE.

Unfortunately, the recorded stream only went on for 2 hours and was cut off just before the end of it, and I can't find the rest. So I apologize in advance... below is the link to the video on Twitch. Enjoy!

http://www.twitch.tv/screwattack/b/311196231

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(0:42)
Chad: We are gonna play some goddamn Mario Party. By the way, if you are offended by swearing, you should probably get the fuck out, right now.

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(04:07) *Jared rolls a 10 and will be the first person to go*

Jared: DAMN!... I hate that I am so good, that I always get first whenever we start... That's so annoying.

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(04:58) *Jared opens up the map to see which way to turn*

Chad: Oh, GOD!

Sam: *Incoherent trash talking in the background*

Jared: Oh, C'mon!

Chad: You are like that old lady: "Where do I gooo?"

Jared: It only took 2 seconds! It took 2 seconds!

Sam: Fuck you and your map looking, dude. You don't need none of that shit.

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(05:23) *Lauren reaches the first intersection*

Jared: Go up... It's your best bet.

Chad: Yeeaaaah, she-

*Lauren chooses to go up and everyone busts out laughing*

Chad: Oh my God!

Lauren: What?

Chad: He just dicked you over. Don't listen to him!

Jared: Why would you listen to me!?

Lauren: Alright, alright, alright...

Chad: You were here for the last game. You know that we are gonna-

Lauren: No, that's true... That's true, I should fucking know better.

Chad: You really should.

____________________________________________________________________

(05:53) *After Jared reminds the audience of who is playing each character in-game*

Chad: I like that Lauren picked a more masculine character than Nick.

____________________________________________________________________

(11:15) *Jared gets the first star*

Jared: What is this noise? Is this happening right now? Jared is getting the first star?

Chad: Yes, he got the first star.

Jared: All you all can suck a dick!

Chad: By the way, if you are just joining us, uh- Or if you haven't seen any of the other ones,

the person who gets the first star get fucked over the entire game by the other three players.

Jared: That doesn't matter jackshit, I have the first star and asfdgadskf motherfucker to win!

Chad: I didn't understand.. but-

Jared: And you two fuckers are gonna all your coins cuz Baby Bowser is there now.

Chad: But you know what? I'm just gonna translate that into: "we are all gonna fuck you over",ok?

Sam: Yeah, and Jared may have the first star, but he is also gonna be horse fed the first dick, hands down.

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(12:08) *Chad lands on a red space along with Jared*

Jared: Dude, I don't want you on my team, I really don't.

Sam: I wouldn't want no prehistoric bitch on my team, either.

Chad: You know, we are not starting this this early.

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(12:15) *Lauren finally reaches the first intersection again, and this time chooses to go left instead of up*

Jared: Lauren, you just went right past the star...

Lauren: .......... FUCK! That's so right...

Chad: Did she really!?

Jared: All you had to do was go up! But I kept my mouth shut.

Lauren: Well, all I could think off was, "I'm not fucking going up, I'm not fucking going up, there is no fucking way I'm going up"

Chad: Oh my God...

Jared: Look at it! You have 17 coins, you would of have landed on a blue spot space. And you would of have enough to afford it.

Lauren: I don't wanna talk about it anymore.

Chad: I see a lot of people that had blue names that have changed their color.

Lauren: I don't wanna talk about it- No, you shut up, you shut up.

Chad: Yeah, piss away more of your money... Where is the option for sandwich?

Sam: I've never seen anybody lose faith in a person for going down.

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(14:45) *Jared helps Chad and Sam win in a mini game against Lauren*

Jared: Because of my effort, I got all 3 of us coins, so.. You are welcome sir, you are welcome sir, and fuck you!... You know, you could've had a star by now if you weren't going around in a circle like an idiot.

Chad: No, the first time, she went around like an idiot. The second time she didn't like an idiot.

*Jared lands on a Boo and takes Chad's coins*

Chad: OH, REALLY!? Man, fuck you! Why me!?

Jared: Look, there is a lot of coins, I gave you coins, they are rightfully mine. *ends up stealing all 10 of his coins*

Chad: What!? WHAT!?

Jared: Yeaaaaaah, yeeeeeeeaaaaaah!

Chad: All my coins- You fucking enjoy them, because I'm gonna take off your goddamn corpse!

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(17:25) *Lauren reaches another intersection*

Lauren: Hmmmm...

Chad: You know, you might as well go towards the Whomp for the decisions you've been making.

Sam: She knows her way around a kitchen much better than this board.

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(23:45) *Chad wins more coins in a mini-game than Sam*

Chad: Oh, God. I was doing so bad, remember? And you were talking shit, and now I have so many coins that they just make so much noise... I don't wanna hear your shit talking... Oh, you know what? I'll go up so I can land on an item space... What do I wanna buy with all my coins, Sam?... What should I buy?

Sam: You don't buy, you play, dumb ass.

Chad: Okay, Touche.

Sam: Wealthy fucker...

Chad: Oh, you are right! That way it is free!

Sam: Yeah, it is free...... You and all your damn coins... I'll watch you jingle your ass to hell, heavy pocketed bitch.

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(25:20) *Jared returns from messing with something and it is him vs everyone on the next Mini-game*

Chad: By the way, while you were gone...

Jared: Oh, What the fuck!? What the f-... No, I'm gonna fuck you guys, I don't even give a shit.
*Mini-game selected is "Lights Out"*

Jared: Know what this means? Fuck you!

Chad: What? You don't even know what the means

Jared: I don't know. No, I don't. What is this game?

*Jared reads the instructions*

Jared: Oh, you know what this means? I run at you with a fucking hammer, and you gotta fucking run the fuck away before I fuck you.

Chad: Okay, everybody run!

Lauren: Are you serious...?

Jared: Who do I hate the most?

Chad: Sacrifice Lauren!

*After Jared wins*

Jared: Fuck you guys! Give me those coins!... Oh, your coins, they taste so delicious on my skiiiin~

Chad: You can taste through your skin!?

____________________________________________________________________

(27:00) *Jared triggers "Bowser Revolution" and now everyone has the same amount of coins*

Chad: Good-bye, all my fucking coins.

Jared: See, Yoshi? Communism works!

Sam: Fucking dinosaurs don't know nothing about Communism.

____________________________________________________________________

(28:40) *Sam lands on a Boo and starts stealing Jared's coins*

Jared: Oh, shit...

Chad: Yeaaaah, Sam! Fuck him over! Fuck him over! Oh God, you may not take his star, but my God you can build one out of coins!

*Sam ends up stealing all of Jared's coins*

Everyone Yeaaaaahhh! Fuck yeah!

Jared: ALL MY COINS!? WHAT. THE. FUCK!?

Sam: -bitch ass all your coins, son! -you are poor!

Chad: Oh God, I think 23 is enough coins to make your own little bath that you can roll in!

*Without a break, it is another 3vs1 mini-game against Jared*

Chad: Oh! Hey, guess what? Now we are against Jared, let's fuck him over.

Jared: Crane Game! Crane Game, motherfucker!

Chad: Hey, Jared... It is Mario Party 2, Crane Game is impossible... Enjoy.

Jared: Bullshit, watch me!

Chad: I"d love to see you win this.

Jared: Fucking, watch me, alright? I'll get all their fuc- Motherfucker took all my fucking coins, I'm coming after you motherfucker.

Chad: I'd love to see it.

Jared: I'll fucking start with you, you cocky ass mother fucker.

Sam: He is gonna dump your dumb ass, dude.

*Jared drops Chad into the pipe*

Chad: He can dump me, he is not gonna win the game.

Jared: Hold on, I need to get 30 more seconds just to make sure I've got enough time to get all you motherfuckers.

Chad: You wont...

Jared: I know YOU say it's impossible, but I am sorry you are bad at video games, but watch how Jared fucking does it!

Chad: Whatever, you'll see what happens.

*Jared drops Sam into the pipe as well*

Jared: Give me your fucking coins, Luigi! Give me your fucking coins, Luigi!

Chad: Wow, talk about luck!

Jared: Lauren, go fuck yourself too! Get the fuck out of here!

Chad: Oh God, Lauren! You could be pressing it twice as fast!

*Jared wins the game*

Chad: No way!

Jared: Fuck all you all! "Oh God this game is impossible! I'm Chad James!" You suck at Mario Party, dude. Why are you even here? Why are you even here? Give me your fucking coins.

Chad: Oh yeah? Enjoy your slight little bit of charity coins.

Jared: TEN!?

Chad: Enjoy your ten.

Jared: Well, that was.... that was a lot of work for very little.

Chad: You just got so fuckin-

Jared: No, I don't care! I am proud, because I proved your dumb ass wrong!

____________________________________________________________________

(31:30) *Playing a mini-game named "Face Lift", where Yoshi's face is stretched*

Sam: Oh, what a surprise, it looks like Yoshi's got nuts in his mouth.

Jared: If I wasn't so determined on winning, I'd make you look like a complete dumb ass.

____________________________________________________________________

(32:40) *Lauren goes past the bank, but she has 0 coins*

Jared: You are so poor, you can't even make a deposit to the bank. That's straight embarrassing, if you watching all that shit they'd make you get out.

Lauren: Shut your damn mouth.

Jared: They would close the doors and lock it behind you, because they thought you were a homeless person.

Lauren: Shut. The. Fuck. up..

____________________________________________________________________

(37:20) *"Skateboard Scamper" is chosen as the mini-game*

Chad: Alright, it's time to bust out the inner Denver!

*Lauren presses the wrong button and loses at the start*

Lauren: WHAT THE FUCK!?

Jared: Did you press the wrong button?

Lauren: No, I didn't I fucking pressed B!

Sam: She mad.

Jared: Why you even playing?

Lauren: UUUUUUGGGGGGGGHHH!!!!

Jared: You might as well offer up the controller.

Lauren: I hope you all fucking bite it... I hope you all just taste that god damn carpet.

*Jared and Sam lose while Chad is still skate boarding*

Chad: Oh God! GOD! It's like I'm a skateboarding fucking dinosaur! Like I'm a fucking cartoon show or some shit! Get fucked, everyone of you! Oh I also got all the coins in my lane.

Lauren, Sam, Jared: .............

Chad: Hear that? That silence? That's the sound of me fucking owning.

Jared: I mean, I think to myself, "No matter how poorly I did, there is no way I could ever do any worse than Lauren".

Lauren: You know what? Did you win, though? Did you win, though? That is what I wanna know.

Jared: I fucking got further than your dumb ass!

Lauren: Until you've won-

Jared: You can't contrast! You went absolutely nowhere! Not once did your foot hit the ground to even propel yourself forward!

Lauren: You still didn't fucking win, Jared.

Jared: I got 3 god damn coins, you got zero!

Lauren: I don't wanna hear your uneven ass.

Sam: Let me ask you something, did you win?

Lauren: No, I didn't win.

Sam: Exactly.

Lauren: I don't wanna hear his ass, and I don't wanna hear your ass.

Chad: But I won...

*Everyone starts singing the Denver song*

____________________________________________________________________

(39:20) *Lauren hits Bowser's Chance Time*

Chad: Remember, Jared got the first star.

Jared: I hope you suck on Bowser's barbed penis.

Chad: Oh! Please, please get Jared now. He is the only one that is red.

Jared: Look at how fast that is, you can't handle that.

*Lauren picks that Jared gives Bowser 30 coins*

Chad: OH! I'm sorry, Jared! Did I help her out by talking: red, red, red?... Oh God, yeah Lauren! That was fucking awesome! God! Get fucked so hard!

Sam: So, Jared. Let me ask you a question. Does it like hurt your cheeks when you have such a jacked Bowser cock in your mouth?

Chad: I don't know, his face might already be a little burnt from falling off that skateboard.

____________________________________________________________________

(49:10) *Sam and Jared lost while playing a 3 vs 1 mini-game against Lauren, leaving only Chad against her*

Jared: Chad, 20 seconds! Look, I've always told you that you are my favorite person in the office, so you need to survive as long as possib-

*Chad loses*

Jared: Oooooh, I hate you so goddamn- You are the worst Mario Party player in the goddamn world.

Chad: Oh, really? Because I'm pretty sure I was like two times better than both of you.

Jared: Any time you come up to me and say: "Hey, what do you want for lunch?" I'm gonna tell you to fuck right off, because you have never disappointed me more than you have right now!

____________________________________________________________________

(55:00) *Chad chooses to duel against Lauren and messes up*

Chad: What did I just hit?.. Ooooh, I fucking could have gambled more!

Jared: What are you, retarded?

Sam: I think so, dude. Dinosaurs, they died out pretty dumb.

Jared: The goddamn meteor come and they are like: "Oh, we should hide!". They didn't think that, they opened their mouth and started to swallow it, like they do dicks!

____________________________________________________________________

(56:12)

Jared: how does it feel, being impotent.

Chad: I still perform... Don't bring your shit into this.

____________________________________________________________________

(1:03:15) *2 vs 2 mini-game, "Bobsled Run"*

Jared: Chad, we are on a team... Don't be stupid.

Chad: I'm not. I'm not Nick.

____________________________________________________________________

(1:05:00) *Sam uses a warp to get a star*

Sam: Doing it good, son!

Chad: That was smart. That was a really smart idea. I didn't think about that.

Jared: I would be pissed off as hell, but that was a brilliant play.

Sam: I know, rolling a ten, being a baws is tough.
____________________________________________________________________

(1:06:30) *Mini-game chosen is "Shy Guy Says"

Jared: This one is great, because people who are super retarded cannot win at this game.

____________________________________________________________________

(1:12:00) *Lauren lands on Boo and starts taking Jared's coins*

Jared: YOU WHORE!

Sam: Yeaaaaaaah, Lauren~

Jared: Chad's got 116 fucking coins! And you are taking mine!? This is the biggest bullshit in the fucking world! NO! WHY!? There is no reason! You took mine!? What are you, retarded!? There is no fucking reason!

Chad: I know, right? It's almost like you are bad at video games.

Sam: I would have shit on him too.

Jared: Fuck this game... Fuck you guys... I hope you wanted a ride home, because you are fucking walking.

____________________________________________________________________

(1:13:05) *2 vs 2 mini-game "Sky Pilots"

Jared: Who is on my team?

Chad: Lauren.

Jared: God! Why the fuck asdfdgsdasdasf she just took my fucking coins! I'd rather lose on fucking purpose... Look- Look Lauren, you stup- Flap my wings so I can win.

Lauren: Fuck you.

Jared: Don't you fucking dare hold me back.

Lauren: mm-hmm

Jared: FLAP!

Lauren: I AM!

Jared: Up and down! Why would you flap your wings left and right?

Lauren: Like this?

Jared: No, don't spin them!

Lauren: I am, you asshole!

Jared: How many times have you seen a fucking bird flap their wings like Duuuuh-thiiiiiis?... It doesn't even fucking matter anymore, we are so far behind...

Lauren: You have to fucking steer, dude!

Jared: It doesn't goddamn matter, you already put us so far behind, it's like you hate coins.

Lauren: I thought you had 2 stars, I thought you were good.

Jared: I'm sorry, I thought you weren't a stupid whore, who stole all my fucking coins... Trying to sabotage me from the inside.

Sam: He has sex with people for money, Lauren. That is what he implied.

Jared: You can't even flap your wings.

Lauren: You weren't even fucking steering!

Jared: I didn't have to, because we had zero fucking velocity!

Lauren: Whatever, I'm still about to win the next star.

Chad: It's funny because Jared is still at zero coins.

*Jared lands on a star with no coins to buy it with*Jared: This is the worst fucking bullshit in the world.

____________________________________________________________________

(1:19:15)
Jared: Jared will triumph, everyone else can choke on a million dicks.

____________________________________________________________________

(1:20:42) *Sam lands on Boo*

Jared: Motherfucker (Chad) got 143 coins.

Sam: Yeah, but I know he ain't gonna steal no stars from me, right?

*Sam takes all 15 of Jared's coins*

Jared: WHAT!? What the fuck!?

Chad: Yeah! That's right! Sam knows how to do it, because I am not now!... Get fucked so hard for all your shit talk! You know, if you were better at this game than pressing A, you'd probably have a coin.

Jared: Sam, you are a dirty ass motherfucker, you are a piece of shit and I hope you fucking die!

____________________________________________________________________

(1:32:10) *Chad loses a 3vs1 mini-game*

Jared: Once again, all your coins is because you fucking steal it from everybody else instead of getting them yourself.

Chad: Yes, that is exactly is.

Jared: You have earned nothing. You are getting your goddamn paychecks from daddy and mommy instead of getting a goddamn job to earn it.

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(1:32:40) *Jared checks the chat and quotes someone*

Jared: "Just believe in yourself and you can do it!" No, you stupid ass. It all fucking depends on skill, you idiot.

____________________________________________________________________

(1:34:18) *Sam gets a 4th star*

Jared: Wait, he just got himself a star!?

Chad: He did... He fucking made it, in one roll.

Jared: Oh shit. This just got real.

Sam: That's how I am, son. I'm real as fuck, motherfucker.

____________________________________________________________________

(1:41:35) *Lauren lands on Boo and steals all 16 of Jared's coins*

Jared: WHAT THE FUCK LAUREN!? WHAT DID I DO TO YOU!? WHAT DID I DO TO YOU!?

Chad: I don't know, but I think it cost 16 coins worth of fucking pain!

Sam: Shit yeah! Good play, Lauren!

Jared: I have the least amount of coins, with the least amount of star, and you fuckin-

Lauren: Yeah? And you are talking the most smack.

Chad: Ooooh, shit!

Sam: So, Jared. What does it feel like to just have an immense amount of fecal matter dumped right on you?

*Chad checks the chat*

Chad: Oh God! You know what I love the best? Is I see all the people with red chanting my name. So enjoy that!

Jared: I've never been so fucking insulted in my life.

____________________________________________________________________

(1:45:15)

Chad: That's what Yoshi does. He carries Mario cuz he can't fucking beat levels on his own.

____________________________________________________________________

(1:48:40) *Playing "Skateboard Scamper", Sam loses right away*

Jared: Oh, Sam. Were you hungry? Cuz I didn't expect you to eat shit that hard.

Sam: I don't know what happened there. I just started with the wrong button.. Oh dude, is Chad gonna eat a dick too?

Chad: No, I'm gonna come back!

*Lauren and Jared lose, and Chad ends up winning*

Chad: Oh God! Remember when he said I was gonna eat a dick, and I came back when I said I would? I won another fucking skateboard game!

Jared: I went for the coin, that was my mistake.

Chad: You can go for a lot, but I went for the win. So, suck it!

*Jared and Chad start singing the Denver songs again, while Sam facepalms*

Chad: Suck my dinosaur balls.

Sam: And Dinosaurs had internal testicles, you dumb ass.

Chad: You would know, you the one that fellates them.

Sam: Fellates? That is a butchering term, you retard. Fucking Quad.

Chad: No, that's filet.

Sam: Shut the fuck up.

____________________________________________________________________

(1:50:20) *Chad grabs his 4th star and is now in 1st place while Jared is in 4th*

Chad: OH my God!Guys, what happened!? I was in last place and everyone was making fun of me, and now it's like the number 4 like, lost the first half of it- it looks like a 1. Is that a one? Cuz it kinda says first, right?... Really, cuz You said I was bad at this game, but mine says one and yours says four, Jared...

Jared: ..........

Chad: So, how does that work? Does that mean that I am back and not bad but you are? Cuz I am just trying to figure this out.

Jared: .................

Chad: Okay, I think that's what it is. He is not saying anything so I assume that means-

Jared: Dude, I am so boned...

Chad: Really? Cuz I was earlier, but you just kept telling me that it's because I was bad at the game, so...

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Unfortunately, the recorded stream ends just before the end of the game, but Sam ends up winning.

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