The right and wrong ways to troll gamers.

Posted on April 17, 2012 - 11:10am by Jawbreaker Alumni


It's all fun and games until someone feels uncomfortable.

BWAHAHAHA! It is I, Super Troll! Today, I am going to teach you all the right ways and the wrong ways to troll video gamers. Trolls get a very bad reputation because, 1. Those who troll are 12 year olds who don't know how to troll and 2. Those who troll act completely childish. NO! To be a successful troll, you have to really fuck with somebody and get them when they least expect it. As someone who loves to watch gamers fail over and over, here are some ways to troll the right way and the wrong way.



                                                               The Right Ways


1. Taking power ups or items: The Spreader, the pizza box, the Super Mushroom, these are items that we use to help us in our quest to defeat the bad guys. Taking the Spreader when you already have it, or taking the pizza box when you have full health is a great way to be a good troll.


2. Giving wrong directions: This is mostly watching your friend play a game by his or herself that they have not played yet. For example, you could tell them that by going down a certain pit, they will find a secret, they take your advice, and die instead. Or, you can screw them over by telling them that a certain enemy can or can't be killed. They won't know what to think and just charge towards the enemy and get killed.


3. Distracting the player: This would probably work best with a single player game. Just find and make  any distraction you can to screw the player up. Make funny faces, play shitty music, or better yet, blow a air horn near them!


4. Earning their trust, then crush them: Now this really works in games like Mario Party. I'm shocked that no one has done this yet on After Dark, but it's so simple! Say Jared and Chad were teamed up against Sam and Nick. Jared needs to win the minigame to steal Sam's star, the minigame is handcar havoc and Jared trust Chad to help him win. Chad could easliy make them lose on purpose and prevent Jared from stealing any stars and gets to look at Jared's face when he realises what happened! It's so simple, yet when executed, you feel like an evil mastermind!


5. Making someone lose or die: This is basically the result of giving the player wrong directions. The difference is that you are doing it yourself. Example: Beating up your partner in a beat-em-up or a fighter and killing them, or doing what Craig did to Nick when Nick tried to beat SMB3 for the first time, taking the controller and killing the player yourself.


6. Taking all the credit: This is pretty basic and hilarious. Just let your allies do all the hard work and let them get killed. You however, can stay away from the battle and wait until the other players get killed and then kill the enemy or boss and take all of the points.


7. Piss the other players off: This works best in a multiplayer game. Work together with your team, and then at the last minute, screw them all over! Perfect example, getting to the flagpole in New Super Mario Bros Wii. and then going into the bubble before you touch the flagpole!


8. Reset the game: Ok, now this can be a huge dick move if timed right. When the player is at a certain part of the game, whether they are on the final boss or at a part they can't get through, get near the console and press the reset button! If executed well, the result can be hilarious but will probably result in getting punched in the face. Like Craig resetting Megaman X on Jared.


9. Use the game to your advantage: Mainly multiplayer games fit this. Use the tracks in Mario Kart to know when and where to screw your opponents over, use maps in Halo to hide in places no one will find you, turn the battle maps in Mario Kart 64 into a cage where there is no way out for your enemies.


10. Being good at a game someone sucks at: Every gamer has a certain game that they are not good at. You could dominate at fighters and suck at platformers. Perfect example: a friend of mine had The Simpsons: Hit and Run for the Gamecube for a few years and he could never beat it. He gives it to me as a birthday gift. Two days later, I see him and tell him I beat it. And the look on his face was fucking priceless! This can really get under a gamer's skin but it's so worth it as telling your friend that you destroyed a game they couldn't beat just makes them feel like shit as you troll the shit out of them and can't stop laughing at them.



                                                              The Wrong Ways

1. Insulting somesone: When you blurt out insults at the person playing, it doesn't do anything but make you look stupid. Its one thing to laugh and say they suck when they die at a specific part for a while, but just saying insults just makes the player completely uncomfortable.


2. Name calling and harassment: Calling someone a noob or a fanboy is completely ignorant and childish. When you start to verbally abuse someone playing games, you're not trolling, you're harassing that person and that is unaccecptable no matter what.


3. Being childish: Laughing at someone when they fail is funny, watching someone's face when you betray them is funny, throwing down the controller and saying you don't want to play anymore isn't. Don't have a fit everytime you get trolled and then acting like the kid who didn't like getting hit and took his ball and walked home. Think about what you're doing before you do it!


4. Bashing a game or console: Bashing a game just because you don't like it for whatever reason does not make you a troll. If you hate a game because it has colors or because it's too hard, you need to look in the fucking mirror and take a good look at yourself.


5. Hacking a game: Now hacking a game to find some funny and cool glitches are fine, hacking a game to troll everyone and just cheat is complete bullshit. You just ruin everyone's fun and eventually, everyone leaves leaving you alone. So that we are clear, hacking in something like Skyrim can be freaking hilarious, HACKING IN MARIO KART IS NOT FUN! IT'S BULLSHIT! AND SEEING SOMEONE HACK AND WIN A RACE INSTANTLY IS FUCKING ANNOYING!



And there you have it g1's. I'm sure there are more ways to troll the right and wrong ways but hopefully, with this, you can be a successful troll without being an asshole (Okay that last part is an oxymoron, but you get the point).

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