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At the Screwvies: Episode 2

3/29/14 8:40pm
tl;dr

(Your At the Screwvies crew, with Flashpenny replaced by the old SA logo cause he has no avatar)

Hello guys, and welcome to the now award winning series (thanks G1 Spotlight), At the Screwvies, the show on G1 Features where we discuss the goings on in the movie world. Joining me once again are Stickman and Flashpenny

The Stickman: GODZILLA. There, now we're covered.

Flashpenny: That's what she said. Also, HI EVERYBODY!

The Stickman: We don't suck anymore, Flash, so be grateful. Also, HEY>

MadHero15: Today we'll do something special. We'll of course talk about the news, and preview the upcoming films. However, we're now doing our very first REVIEW! of none other than.......

The Stickman: Godzilla?

MadHero15: NOPE! THIS!

MadHero15: Before we get to that review (which will be Stickman and I), let's first discuss some of the most recent news that happened in the movie world.

The Stickman: Yes lets.

 

TRAILER FOR TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES DEBUTS

The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles have been a mainstay in popular culture ever since their late 80's animated series. They recently got somewhat of a resurgence thanks to the hit 2012 series, and now, after 7 years, TMNT is hitting the screens once again. People have been dreading this film ever since Michael Bay's (Transformers) name was attached as a producer, and now we finally got a glimpse of it with the first trailer. Its pretty short, and doesn't give much of an idea what the film will be about, but DAAAAAAAAAAAAAMN, those are some ugly ass Turtles. Let's hope that the movie is good, but with Jonathan Liebesman (Wrath of the Titans, Battle Los Angeles) as the director, I'm  having considerable doubt.

 

Stickman: To me, not being all that knowledable about the world of TMNT, this looks like nothing more than standard summer blockbuster fare, doomed to underwhelm, but not something I'm overly bothered about one way or the other. The main issue lies with the new, uber-realistic designs for the turtles, which look like Shrek if he was left dead at the bottom of a lake to bloat out and collect algae for 2 months before being dredged back out and cloned.

yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh...........

Flashpenny: OMIGOD THE TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURT- I stopped caring about them when I was 10. Still, these designs look awful.  They look what would sit at the bottom of my toilet if I ate nothing but green food coloring for several weeks.

MadHero15: The Turtles are of course a very big deal here in SA. I loved the 2003 series, but after that haven't felt much more for the turtles. My expectations were low, so I'm not all that bothered by it personally

Flashpenny: Although you are right that my expectations aren't all that high in the first place.

The Stickman: I don't think anyone's expecting this to be good, so the worst it can do is conform to people's expectations, really. After the new TMNT series  blew a lot of people away, I get the impression long term fans might not be the only ones let down by this big screen movie. There's a much liked version of that universe already running that this film has to compete with, and I'm not sure it's going to succeed. But you never know! Crazier things have happened.

Flashpenny: It's probably going to make enough money to make a sequel which will inevitably be worse.

MadHero15: We'll see. This movie is obviously targeting kids, people slightly younger than the Transformers crowd. I think it may get its money back, but I'm personally not feeling it. Who knows?

The Stickman: Alright then! Moving onto another big news story that landed last week!

 

PIXAR ANNOUNCES INCREDIBLES AND CARS SEQUELS

Over the last week or so, Disney have been talking extensively about their film productions in the pipeline for the near future (We're talking at least 5 years or so in the future, probably). Big news came from the Pixar side of things, in that, after 10 years, a sequel to one of their most beloved stand alone projects, The Incredibles is to get a sequel from the studio, presumably at some stage after Finding Dory lands in 2016. This got a lot of people very excited, not so much the announcement of Cars 3, which forms a trilogy out of perhaps the least popular Pixar franchise critically, but also the one that makes the most money in Disney's pocket, thanks to merch and the such. What do you guys think, ready for more Cars?

 

Flashpenny: I never watched Cars 2 and I will never do so. The fact that it warranted a sequel upsets me.

MadHero15: Never saw it either. Not really against watching it, but I don't care for it either. It does seem made to sell more merchandise, rather than have a good story to tell.

The Stickman: The Cars films don't bother me all that much, I actually thought the second was more entertaining than the first, but obviously they aren't up to par with the likes of Toy Story and Wall-E.

Flashpenny: To be honest, I don't know whether or not I should be angry at Pixar for all these sequels since some of the behind-the-scenes stories behind Monsters University makes it seem as though Disney is bullying them into making sequels against their will.

The Stickman: Monsters University was rather good, I thought, but then I saw it at a time where its themes were relevant to me, so maybe I'm bias.

MadHero15: That said, MOTHERFUCKING INCREDIBLES 2!

The Stickman: I'm probably the only one in the world not all that excited about Incredibles 2. The original, whilst fun, didn't really blow my mind either.

Flashpenny: I liked it too, I'm just saying, they seem to be churning out sequels because Disney wants to make money; not because Pixar thinks that they're stories that are worth telling. I'll watch The Incredibles 2 but I'm not too hyped for it either (even though I do really like the first one).

The Stickman: Pixar is known for creating interesting worlds and characters, so for them to just make a superhero movie, even if it is a fun one, is kinda underwhelming for me.

MadHero15: Pixar turning into more of a sequel factory is a bit of a bummer, but they've proven in the past to make great sequels, and besides, we're getting 2 original works next year (Good Dinosaur and Inside Out), so its not too bad.

The Stickman: They do have a slew of original films coming out over the next couple years, but it does seem like Disney are becoming more involved with what gets greenlighted, sadly. Or maybe they've just done all their original good ideas which they planned before the studio was set up, and now they're struggling to move forwards with the same level of success.

MadHero15: Yeah, it sucks, but that's the price of their impossibly high standard over the past years. And hey, they're still better than Dreamworks

The Stickman: I still want to see Newt, but. then it's about lizard sex, so again, I'm bias.

Madhero15: That movie did come out. It was called Rio, right down to the color of the main characters

 

HERCULES MOVIE STARRING THE ROCK SHOWS OFF FIRST TRAILER

There's no real proper way to lead into this so I'm just going to come out and say it: this summer, there's going to be a movie about the Greek mythological hero, Hercules, and he is going to be played by The Rock. The Rock, while he isn't a bad actor, hasn't been known to choose the best movies over the years (though he has been in some good ones) and the movie is going to be directed by Brett Ratner who, on one hand, directed the Rush Hour movies but also helped make Movie 43 so who knows how good the movie will be? Regardless of how the movie turns out, my expectation is just hoping that The Rock manages to be a more engaging Greek hero than Sam Worthington as Perseus.

 

The Stickman: I guess you just can't smell what The Rock is cooking, Flashpenny. You know what it smells like to me? Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit.

MadHero15: I thought this movie already came out with that muscly guy from Twilight.

Flashpenny: It looks like it may be standard summer fare. I like The Rock well enough but, like I said above, the man doesn't always choose the best movies.

The Stickman: I wouldn't really consider "The Rock is in a shit film" news, personally. Even if he seems like a nice dude.

Flashpenny: The Internet seems to think so. Dare you question the almighty knowledge of the Internet, Stickman?

The Stickman: The internet is full of shit-nuggets. BOOM

MadHero15: He seems like an awesome guy, and I'd like to see him succeed. Who knows. At least it looks better than that other Hercules film.

Flashpenny: I don't think anyone would have ever questioned that.

The Stickman: The only Dwayne movie I've seen that I actually thought was good was 'Faster', even if Fast 5/6 were good fun, Faster was actually a good film, in my eyes. He's certainly come a long way since 'The Scorpion King', so who knows? Maybe it'll be good. I DOUUUBBT IT, but you never know.

Flashpenny: I think this movie might wind up around the same area of Clash of the Titans: not great but not exactly bad either.

MadHero15: Now that's your news. Now to talk about the thing you were waiting. Our exclusive review for Captain America: The Winter Soldier. Because it opened up early in the UK and Netherlands, Stickman and I got to see it earlier. So Stickman, are you ready?

The Stickman: EH SURE WHY NOT, LET'S GO. WORLD EXCLUSIVE.

 

REVIEW:
CAPTAIN AMERICA: THE WINTER SOLDIER

DIRECTORS: Jon and Anthony Russo (Community. Yes, that Community)
STARRING: Chris Evans, Scarlett Johanson, Samuel L. Jackson, Robert Redford

SYNOPSIS: Steve Rogers (Chris Evans) struggles to embrace his role in the modern world and battles a new threat from old history: the Soviet agent known as the Winter Soldier (Sebastian Stan).

 

MadHero15: Winter Soldier is the 9th Marvel Cinematic Universe film, and the thing still hasn't lost any steam. While Thor's sequel was only ok, Captain America raises the bar even more not just for that series, but the entire cinematic universe in general.

So yeah, Marvel fans, if you wanna stay up to date, you NEED to see to this, otherwise you're completely lost. Luckily, its all worth it, because Winter Soldier may be on of the best Marvel films yet!

Flashpenny: I really didn’t like the first Captain America, why should I see this?

The Stickman: Yeah, this is definitely one for the fans to see ASAP, because it's going to have tons of consequences for the future of the TV Series, and any future Marvel films (except maybe Guardians of the Galaxy). This is also probably the darkest chapter in the Marvel Cinematic Universe to date, although there is still the trademark sense of self-aware humour, the stakes are far higher and the themes are a lot more serious in tone, which is a nice change of pace from the previous Phase 2 films which felt more like comedies than action films.

MadHero15: Pretty much. If you didn't like the 1st one like Flash over here, Winter Soldier is a completely different film, almost in the vein of a political thriller. There's a big issue of trust in SHIELD and Cap is finding it all very hard to accept, especially considering he's still a man out of time (though they don't make a huge deal out of that part). It’s a ton of fun, and has some amazing action sequences (DAT HIGHWAY BATTLE).

The Stickman: The action, bar the finale is a lot more grounded and practically achieved than previous Marvel films as well, there are some spectacular sequences involving stunts, hand to hand combat, car chases and more. But at the same time this is very much a film based around themes rather than set-pieces. The violence is a lot less comic, to boot. Gone are the days of Hulk punching Thor across the room, it seems.

Flashpenny: That does not sound like a good thing.

The Stickman: It may not sound like a good thing, but it really works with the style of film this is.

MadHero15: It makes the stakes much higher. Cap may be the peak of human phsique, but he's still human, and that makes everything far more tense and interesting. The SHIELD guys also get to do more, even Nick Fury gets to finally do some cool shit.

The Stickman: You get plenty of Nick Fury for your money in this film, for sure. It also makes sense, because the majority of these characters aren't superpowered so they can't shoot lasers or fly around the place with rocket boosters.

MadHero15: Also, The Winter Soldier is a complete badass. It’s pretty obvious who he is, but he's easily the best Marvel villain since Loki, and that's not just because they've set kind of a low bar villain wise, he's a genuine threat who seems nearly unstoppable.

The Stickman: Winter Soldier is the full package, he's a cool looking character, who's also a badass, but at the same time has plenty of depth to him, including the worst kept secret in comic book movie history. It certainly isn't a perfect film, but it's as good as a Marvel film has got since The Avengers, for sure.

MadHero15: It does have flaws. Mainly that in the middle, things start getting super confusing and it took a while for me at least to understand what was going on, but for the most part, this is an excellent thriller that you need to see, but if you're a Marvel fan, you've already decided if you'll see it.

The Stickman: I think its main flaw is that most of the twists and turns are rather predictable, there's no majorly shocking moment in the film once you get past the first 20 minutes or so, which feature a few rather devastating sequences for longterm fans

Flashpenny: As much as I want to buy into the hype of this movie, a lot of what you guys are saying sounds a lot like what people were saying about the first Captain America 3 years ago and, as previously established, that movie did nothing but disappoint me so I hope you'll understand why I have difficulty getting excited about this film.

The Stickman: Flash, this is a hugely superior film to the first Captain America, that said I don't think it's a film that relies overly on the big screen experience, so if you're not all that bothered you can probably wait until the DVD/Blu Ray release if you're willing to have the big spoilers ruined for you, especially if you watch Agents of S.H.I.T.

Flashpenny: Don't worry, I don't. I probably will just DVD it though. Unless a date wants me to take her in which case who knows? Maybe it'll blow me away.

 

MadHero’s Score: 9 Boomerang Shields out of 10

The Stickman’s Verdict: I don't give scores in my reviews, so I'll just say this is the first must-see Marvel film of Phase 2, and possibly the best standalone MCU film since the original Iron Man, so if you're a fan? Get your ass to the Cinema and watch it ASAP. It's some good shit.

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MadHero15: And that's our Review of The Winter Soldier. However, that's not the only thing coming to the theaters. We'll now discuss some of the other releases that will be on the silver screen.

 

NOAH

DIRECTOR: Darren Aronofsky (Black Swan, Requiem for a Dream)
STARRING: Russell Crowe, Emma Watson, Jennifer Connolly, Anthony Hopkins

SYNOPSIS: Noah (Russell Crowe) is chosen by The Creator to undertake a momentous mission of rescue before an apocalyptic flood destroys the world.

 

Flashpenny: Oh boy, this movie.

The Stickman: OHHH NOOAAHH

MadHero15: Darren Aranofsky is one of my favorite directors out there, and it's great to see he finally gets to make a big budget film. Noah is of course a story we're all familiar with, and this film is looking pretty epic. At first I wasn't sure, but I've come around on it. The positive reviews have definitely helped.

Flashpenny: It has been marketed to look like one of the worst movies ever but it's being directed by genuinely excellent director Darren Aranofsky AND it's been getting positive reviews. I haven't got the slightest clue of what to make of it.

The Stickman: Yeah, those positive reviews surprised me, actually. This had all the makings of a hugely expensive bomb of a film, and whilst it may still bomb in the Box Office, the positive reviews have stopped it from being a complete failure.

Flashpenny: The thing that kills me is that the trailer really looks like crap. The whole grainy, rainy thing with a large warlord's army is something that we've seen in every big movie of the past five years. Also, Russell Crowe is a really hit-and-miss actor for me and he's not nearly enough to sell me on a movie.

The Stickman: I can't say it appeals to me personally, even with its reviews being fairly positive. 

MadHero15: It looks like a big epic. There's currently a big debate going on whether the film is Christian enough or Christian propaganda. I don't fall on either side. I just hope its a movie I will enjoy, because I want to support Aranofsky and all of his future ventures if he gets to make more stuff like this.

The Stickman: I'm not big on the whole blockbuster bible movie thing, I know it's a hugely important book to some people, but in my eyes it's a book of stories that don't translate well to the big screen without some serious alterations, at which point you're endangering your film because you're altering religious texts...so...

Flashpenny: Well, The Ten Commandments is one of the greatest movies ever made so it's not like it's a source material that is incapable of making something good. Granted, aside from that and The Prince of Egypt (which were based on the same part of the Bible), I can't think of any other great Bible-based movies but, hey, maybe this is it.

The Stickman: I think if you're interested in seeing it, the reviews mean it warrants a look, but I don't personally plan to see it at any point.

Flashpenny: I may see it. Perhaps. Next movie.

 

THE RAID 2: BERANDAL

DIRECTOR: Gareth Evans (The Raid)
STARRING: Iko Uwais, A bunch of people you’ve likely never heard of cause its Indonesian

Synopsis: Only a short time after the first raid, Rama (Iko Uwais) goes undercover with the thugs of Jakarta and plans to bring down the syndicate and uncover the corruption within his police.

 

The Stickman: AWWWWWWW YEAH

MadHero15: OOOO, AAAAAH, EEEEEEE, that's the sounds you'll be making when watching The Raid 2.

Flashpenny: What is The Raid 2 and why should I be excited about it?

MadHero15: Did you see Dredd? The original Raid is like that, except it came out first and HOLY SHIT THIS MOVIE IS EVEN BLOODIER AND DAAAAAAAAAAAAAMN!

The Stickman: The Raid 2 is the sequel to The Raid, which was a film with only one thing on its mind, kickass, brutal fight sequences and insane choreography. The Stickman: This is basically a modern kung fu film.

Flashpenny: Hmmm, I feel like I should watch the first film to decide whether or not I might want to see the sequel. I suppose.

The Stickman: The first one was a cult smash and surprisingly popular with critics, but the sequel has all but smashed expectations, with some calling it 'The Dark Knight of Action Movies', which is big praise. What that means I do not know, but the trailers so far have had me grinning from ear to ear, not that I have ears, being a lizard.

Flashpenny: Wouldn't The Dark Knight of Action Movies be The Dark Knight?

The Stickman: You'd think so, but apparently not.

MadHero15: I'm very excited for it, but be warned, this thing is bloody, and I mean really bloody. Some people may enjoy that like myself, but it does get pretty nasty.

The Stickman: The first was an 18 (R in America) for a reason, it's basically an hour and a half of tension followed by extended sequences of knife-play, gun fights and MANY MANY MANY hand to hand combat scenes. If The Raid 2 takes what the first one did so well and expands on it, which is what it sounds like it's done? It's probably going to be the best pure action movie of the year. It is subtitled though, so...this also counts as watching World Cinema...CULTURE.

MadHero15: We shall see. Yes, it’s Indonesian, so you'll have to read subtitles, but SO WHAT! You come for the action, and that's exactly what you'll get. Go see it as soon as possible.

The Stickman: I'm just pissed that it's not out here for another 2 weeks, why does AMERICA get it first!? ARGH.

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MadHero15: Alright, let's move on to our final section:

Pick of the Week, where we pick either a movie or DVD that came out this week and try to recommend it to you. Stickman, why don't you start, since I think both Flash and I have the same movie.

Flashpenny: Or maybe we don't! It's a mystery!

The Stickman: Are you sure? Don't you want to get your 'ME AND FLASHPENNY CHOOSE A SHITTY FILM AND I DON'T LIKE IT' segment out of the way first?!

Flashpenny: No, shut up and do your thing.

The Stickman: GARRGHH, fine. My pick of the week this week is Frozen, coming out on the DVDs and Blu Rays this Monday here in the UK.

I may not have liked it as much as other people, who've taken the whole thing a bit too far, but there's no denying that this is the best Disney Animation Studio film for a long time. Even if I hate musicals.

Flashpenny: While I will admit that I don't Frozen is quite "the next Beauty and the Beast" that people are calling it, it is indeed a wonderful film. I still don't understand how Let It Go won the Oscar. The movie's great though.

MadHero15: Frozen is one of the best Disney films in a while. I'm not in love with it as so many people are it’s still an excellent movie that hits all the right notes.

The Stickman: I like how the film forgets it's a musical in the last 20 minutes and focuses on the interesting setting, characters and story.

Flashpenny: Yeah, it really is weird. At first it's sort of like The Nightmare Before Christmas where the songs are like 2 minutes apart but they eventually drop that in the last third.

The Stickman: That's my kind of musical.

MadHero15: I for one liked all of the songs, but I'm a sucker for Disney musicals.

The Stickman: It's a good date movie, because me and Mads are always finishing each others….. each others..... -each...others....: *Sniff*

MadHero15: sentences?

The Stickman: IT'S TOO LATE, WE SHOULD MOVE ON BEFORE I CRY.

Flashpenny: My pick of the week is Martin Scorsese's latest masterpiece, The Wolf of Wall Street!

MadHero15: I KNEW IT! That’s my Pick of the Week as well

The Stickman: FUCKING WOLF STREET.

Flashpenny: Starring Leonardo DiCaprio as the debauched Jordan Belfort, it's one of the raunchiest, sickest, craziest movies ever made and I loved every second of it and you should too. Out of curiosity, have you seen it yet, Stickman?

The Stickman: No! And I really don't want to, the only reason I would do so is because then we could talk about it on this here Movie Blawg.

MadHero15: Its pretty crazy what they get away with, and its a riot. I think its a little too long honestly (at some point you feel it), but its great, and hey, if you're bored by some part, you can always fast forward to some crazy shit they're doing.

Flashpenny: I don't know, Stickman. It seems like something you might like.

The Stickman: I don't see "3 HOURS OF OBSCENITY" as the makings of a great film. Contrary to my internet image, I'm not actually all that big of a fan of overly sexual films/TV shows. It's why I don't like ANIIIMEE. OOOHH DAMMMN.

MadHero15: Well, it’s about much more than that, but you need to SEE THE MOVIE!

Flashpenny: Well, it isn't just sexual. There's also a lot of drugs too.

The Stickman: OH GOOD, DRUGS.

Flashpenny: Also, it really is played up for laughs and really a cautionary tale at just how horrible of a human being this dude is.

The Stickman: Where does it rank in vulgarity compared to say...Trainspotting?

Flashpenny: Actually, I think Trainspotting may be worse.

The Stickman: Oh really? Well I've already seen that, so maybe it's not as bad as you've all made it out to be. What do you think, readers? Should I finally watch The Wolf of Wall Street? LIKE COMMENT AND SUBSCRIBE IF YOU THINK SO.

MadHero15: VOTE YES!

The Stickman: VOTE NO!

Flashpenny: If you can get over the vulgarity in Trainspotting and still love the story, you'll probably like the Wolf of Wall Street just fine.

The Stickman: I actually think Trainspotting is my least favourite Danny Boyle film, but that's an argument for another day.

The Stickman: Your picks for the week, for clarification, are a Disney Musical, and a 3 hour orgy of violence, sex and drugs. HAPPY WATCHING.

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MadHero15: In any case, I think we're done over here?

Flashpenny: I do believe that we are. Good-bye everybody!

The Stickman: SEE YOU NEXT TIME FOR MORE ARGUMENTS ABOUT WOLVES.

MadHero15: WELL THEN! This has been another episode of At the Screwvies. Boy we sure covered a lot of subjects today. I hope you enjoyed this schizophrenic episode and shall tune in next time.

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