Hey g1s, last time we talked, we got a little naughty with all theses fetishes. Everybody got their kink on and it might’ve felt weird for some of you. But it’s all right, we’re gamers, but we are like normal people: We have needs, we have the same urges as other people do, even if we are on the rebound from a bad game.
It happens to the best of us. We just got out of a relationship with a game and we’re looking for something else. Maybe we had high hopes and all the hype died down after the repetitive sections came in; Maybe everything was going well, but it just ended horribly; Maybe we lent the game to a friend and the traitor never gave it back. GIVE ME BACK MY GAME PHIL! I miss it so much! We spent our together! We had something special! You can’t even find the secret levels in it! *sobs*
Where was I? Oh yes, so you don’t want to experience that again, not right now at least. This is where games with benefits come in. When you’re not ready for another commitment, they’ll be here for you. Did you need a little spice in your life? You’re at the right place, let’s get this Top 10 Generator going!
Maybe you could try an older game. It’s a game you heard about a while back. It was pretty hot in its days, but judging from the screenshots you’ve seen; the graphics aged pretty well. It still looks pretty darn good. Plus, you know it’s good, it passed the test of time and numerous people who have played the game enjoyed it. Sure it might be harder to find, but once you do, it’s probably easier on your budget than a brand new game. Come on, you know you want it! Maybe that older game can even teach you a thing or two you’ll be able to use on newer games.
So away with commitment? Great, time to give in to your guilty pleasure! That hard game you’ve never beaten before. It’s so hard, of course you haven’t finished it yet. It is meant to be hard, it’s supposed to give you beating after beating, but you love it! You love being humiliated! You love being hardly able to move before the game spanks you back to your place! Oh that pain you feel, it makes you scream out loud at your tv screen, but you don’t want it to stop. Even when you take it real slow, after some progression, all you get is a tease.
Maybe you shouldn’t get on with another game just yet. Just go watch some trailers and some news and wait for the next consoles. Oh man! Have you seen that latest trailer? It’s so impressive! The things they do in that tech demo! Sure you’ll never be able to recreate all this, it’s probably staged anyways. Amateur player my ass! But darn it looks good! It’s exciting stuff! Look at the size of that thing! Will that even fit in your room or in your budget? See those specs? That’s going to suck the juice right out of the plug. But it’s so pretty to look at! And what it does is so good! You can almost imagine yourself playing it right now.
Why are you in a game store again? You know you’re not going to find anything. Sure there are one or two really interesting games, but you can’t afford them. They’re too high class for you, too expensive. You don’t stand a chance. You should just leave. Unless. Well, there’s this game here. The cover doesn’t look too good. You never heard of it, probably because it doesn’t stand out too much. Why are you looking at this game? You’re not that desperate! But after so much browsing the game just seems more attractive than it should. Maybe you should give a try, maybe you’ll have some fun with it. So you bring it back home and it’s FUN! It’s not that deep, or that funny, but you’re having real genuine fun! You’re not going to admit it, you deny it and laugh about it with your friends when they talk about the game, but you know the truth. You’ll probably sell back the game after you finish and never play it again, but deep down, that game deserved better. You’re a monster!
There’s also that online game your friends have been talking about. It’s not for everyone, but most of them seem to be hooked and committed for the long run. Maybe you should give it a try. Of course, you have to take your time building a character and a profile. People won’t know if the information is true, but you want to have something that represents you, something you can feel proud of. Who knows, if you really commit to it, maybe you’ll find someone to play with. Then you will grind every night!
It’s obvious that you’re starting to miss gaming a lot. Nothing seems to turn you on anymore. Even your friends are seeing it. That’s why they’ve been trying to suggest that game to you. Why not give it a shot? Your friends should know you and your tastes in gaming. What’s the worst that can happen? You try it one night and if you don’t like it, you take it back to the store and tell the cashier that the game just didn’t click for you. You lose some money, but just about a dinner’s worth. Thinking about it, you decide to try it out. Disappointment strikes... How bad do your friends know you anyway? This is horrible. You spend the whole night feeling a weird combination of boredom and awkwardness as well as some genuine disappointment for your friends’ judgement.You just want to forget this horrible night. In fact, how did you manage to go that far in that game before giving up. It was so easy, you almost went all the way with it. Ugh... the shame...
Maybe finishing that long game was a good thing for you. You have other priorities: College, work, relationship, kids. You don’t have time for these kind of games. Good riddance! It’s just too bad you still want to play games once in awhile. That urge, that need is still lingering. That’s why you download games on your phone, or play flash games online. It’s nothing serious, you made that clear. When you have a need, you just pick up your phone and hit it up for a quick ride. 30 minutes - 1 hour max, it’s all about your satisfaction anyways. Who cares if you don’t accomplish anything in the game?
Oh! You should do that thing with all of your friends! Come on, man! It’s N64 time! You’re going to have so much wicked fun! You’ll be at least a couple of people since there are so many games with 4 controllers possible. Sure some of your friends who have never done this will not know where to put their hands. It’s confusing at first but once they have a firm hand on the analog stick, they’ll be enjoying it! And so will you! You’ll be able to go in free-for-all brawl, fight for the golden gun, go in from the other side in Toad’s Turnpike and even swing that stick around until your palm hurts in Mario Party. It’s going to be a fun time!
So you don’t have any game in the pipeline anymore. Maybe it’s time to try something different. Of course, you’ve always been Nintendo. There’s no doubting that. But it might be time to try the Genesis. You have a friend that only has a Genesis and he’s pretty cool, even though some kids laugh at him. I mean, since you learned that he had one, your relationship didn’t change that much. Although you do notice that he seems pretty close to that other Sega kid. They talk about Blast Processing a lot, but they seem to think it’s fun. You’re definitely curious. Maybe if you tried it just once. Just trying it won’t make you a fanboy. will it?
You know what? Maybe you should get your favorite game in there. You know, that game you used to play all the time in high school. Just good old memories. You did always keep in touch with it when you weren’t caught up with another game. The game doesn’t surprise you anymore, you know it by heart. So much that you know exactly which buttons to press and when, but it’s still enjoyable. It’s satisfying. Sure you have to put a little effort into it and take the console out, plug it in, maybe blow it a bit. With that game, it’s not just about quick cheap fun, it’s not just about you. It’s about memories and good times.
How about a little challenge before we leave? Can you name all of the relationship/sex cliches that inspired this blog?
» Comments: 23