Top 10 Generator: Much Ado About Nothing

Posted on June 24, 2012 - 1:00pm by bigjoe91


 Most people count stuff and things, but I want to be different! After all, our worlds are filled with emptiness. Space is basically nothing, deserts fill the world. Nothing deserves to be celebrated!

Editor's Note: What an awesome idea for a list, even with the lack of Shakespeare. Great work as always joe! 

This Top 10 requires an intro, so here it is. As I reached 25 subscribers, I wanted to give them the choice of a top 10 subject and I received one response (thanks Ferret!). That response actually gave me an idea for a future blog series I will start working on when I reach 50 subs. Let's not dig into that right now.

So, in the end, I was left with no subjects; Zero, nothing, an absence of suggestions and an empty feeling. I could’ve given up, I could’ve said: “F*** it. I’m just gonna talk about Majora’s Mask!” Fortunately for you, that’s not my style, and I think enough people talked about that game.

I decided to make a top 10 out of the suggestions I didn’t get. So here goes, the Top 10 of nothingness, absence, emptiness and “zerotiveness”. Yes that is a word! I will put a mask over my disappointment and, since I already made an ass of myself, I might as well moon all of my subscribers! See what I did there! Enough chitchat. Here goes nothing! Keep your hands over the table before you get too excited: the Top 10 Generator starts now!


10. LousyTactician: The Empty Feeling of Fan Service

I didn’t get any suggestions when I launched the idea, but I did get a request from g1 LousyTactician to be in the top 10. I couldn’t just include him without any valid reason! Fortunately, with a couple of blogs and his SIDETRACKED appearance, I managed to study him better. As some of you might know, Lousy is a fan of trench coats, so much in fact that it kind of creeps me out. So this is how I imagine him now:

Ha! He's staring at me! I think...

Yep. In my mind he’s a floating trench coat with nothing inside. Here’s your link to the “nothing” theme.


9. Empty Rooms: Going out of your Way for Naught...

I’m pretty sure a fair amount of g1s are playing Diablo 3 these days. You know what I like about dungeon crawlers? Exploring and collecting stuff. When you play games of that genre, it defeats the purpose to just plow through the game. You try to go to every deep end of all dungeons. At every intersection, you wonder of which way the “wrong way” is. So you can imagine how pissed off I am when I’ve been running around for 20 minutes to find only empty dead ends without any treasures! I hate empty round rooms at the end of long corridors.

Although it is a good torture instrument.


8. Game Over: After life, there is Nothing.

Reincarnation does not exist in most games. When you die, there is nothing, only sad music and a “game over” image. Then eternal nothingness for about a couple of seconds, then the game starts up again. But still, you get nothing for a while...

Even the score is zero


7. Bottomless Pits: The Spartans have Spoken

They've been around from the beginning of gaming. No one really sees the end of these. When you do it's usually a bad sign (see E.T. for Atari 2600). They're your worst enemy in every game where they are present . They are probably the most prominent threat to any hero or foe. Even when your character recovers, try to think about it, would you rather die or fall down an eternal abyss of nothingness.

Link... You cruel bastard


6. Deserts, Wastelands, Oceans: An Epic Game Padding

We all have our opinions on these kinds of levels. Whether you think they are good or bad, you can’t deny that there’s not a whole lot going on in these. You might find some treasures once in a while but the backdrops will still be bland and vast. That’s not even counting the levels in which you have random directions that bring you back to the beginning. Just look at games like Windwaker, Fallout or FFX and you’ll see that you have to travel through a long part of nothing to get somewhere that may or may not be interesting.

All that's missing is a ball of hay


5. Food and Beverages: Empty Stomach, Empty Bag

When I think of empty and gaming, I think of the bag of chips and the Coke that was full minutes before I started playing. Same thing happens when you have a bunch of friends over and you fill up a bowl of chips, in my case, even cookies and pizza boxes. As with anything else that requires your attention, food disappears twice as fast when you are gaming.

Look! A star! It must mean something!


4. Blanking out: The Convenient Plot Twist

Overused is a word that fits very well in here. How many characters, especially in JRPGs, have completely lost their memory? I’m not saying they never get it back, but blanking out and not remembering anything is pretty frequent in these games. Of course, by having a blank memory canvas to work with you can build the hero any way you want, but he remains a blank canvas in the beginning. When a character blanks out, losing his memory is not the only possible outcome. The character can be kidnapped, enter a trance or allow a transition to another plot point. It's really a quick and easy method to advance the plot. 

Losing you memory atop a mountain: Convenient!


3. Empty Chest: The Blue Balls of the Adventurer

AAAAAARGH! Again, it's a treasure chest! There's supposed to be treasures in it! Whether it's strolling through the Pheonix Cave in FF6 or hearing that creaking sound in Diablo without anything falling out, stumbling on an empty box is just painful.Especially in most RPGs where they feel the need to give you a message each and every time just to rub it in your face.It defeats the idea of rewarding the player for going out of his way. It could be higher on the list, but in the end, I still like falling on an empty chest better than those annoying mimics.



2. Ineffective hits: This attack does nothing

BigJoe91 launches “introduction”. Readers guard! BigJoe91 uses “argument”. MISS! Special attack: Bad joke! Reader is immune. BigJoe91 calls pity! It doesn’t have any effect on viewers. BigJoe91 is loafing around! Bigjoe91 ignores conclusion and uses Splash instead! Nothing happened.

Yeah... sure...


1. Zero: What? It counts...

I said a list about nothing, emptiness and zero... Well, it’s my list anyway so deal with it. If you’re not happy you can leave. NO WAIT! DON’T!

Anyway, let me tell you about Zero. He could be considered Mega Man's older brother. Back when I played Mega Man for the first time, I did think he was way cooler and stronger. Also I thought he was a girl... Yes! Zero was my Poison. How could I think that? Well, I do come from a slightly conservative family; so long blond hair had always been associated with girls. Either way, I still love the character and would still use him anytime over “Mega-Plagiarizer-Man”.

How could I have known? Oh, shut up!


So I’m moving soon and I won’t post much until I get installed properly into my gaming cave. When will I post anything back? Who knows? Well you can know first if you subscribe to me!

» Comments: 16

g1 Discussions

Use a Facebook account to add a comment, subject to Facebook's Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. Your Facebook name, photo & other personal information you make public on Facebook will appear with your comment, and may be used on ScrewAttack's media platforms.

Around The Web