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Top 15 Dumbest Video Game Villains

3/16/12 8:42pm

 (Spoiler alert!) For my 5 Articles for my birthday, It was suggested that I make a list of dumbest video game villians. But I wanted to make this special, so it's a top 15. Now what makes a villian stupid? I call it anything. They're oblivious, they suck as villians, They're plans suck, They have ways to kill the hero but they don't, or they're just actually an idiot. Like, Big the Cat stupid.

                                                        When did I get 5 fingers?!

But then what's make a villian? A villian in my book, is the main character that stands in your way of the end of the game. With all that of the way, Let's get started.

Number 15: Metal Sonic

The only reason he's so low on the list is because he get's alot of style points. Well, I've never actually beaten Sonic CD (Or gotten far enough to see Metal Sonic), So this entry is based on his blunder in Sonic Heroes. So in Sonic Heroes, Metal Sonic is actually the main villian instead of Dr. RoboEggman. So as the villian, you see him absorb other characters abilities and moves, Like Emerl from Sonic Battle (who remember's that game?), but instead of actually using this, and killing off Sonic and the rest of those teams (really, he didn't kill Big the Cat?) he waits until Sonic has all seven Chaos Emeralds. Why? He had so many times to get them, In like 15 cutscenes he's not even noticed. Also, he is shown in everyone's story, so he could have gotten rd of all of them.  Also, Don't tell me, "Well SEGA Didn't want anybody to get hurt, It's a kid's game." I'm calling bullshit on that one. The killed the best Character in Sonic Adventure; E-102 Gamma. He has a sad realization, figuring out that the bird in him is related to Amy's Bird. The he get's two-timed, then explodes. Then the saddest music ever starts playing So you can't tell me that SEGA isn't cool with cause it's a kid's game.

Also, why didn't this guy just try to get Sonic at the end? Sonic just runs off? He could have so Mephile's his ass. Also, why'd he leave Eggman? He just ends up working with him again in Sonic Rivals. But, to give him credit, EggRoboMan sucked in this game too. These blunders aren't as great as some of the ones other villians make on this list, So that's why he just cracks the list.

Number 14: Tom Nook

This bastard. Why is he dumb as a villian, or even a villian? Well he's a villian with one thing; his prices. One way he's a great villian, He has a clone army. He's in every town. Pooptown, Shitville, (And now i'm scared this might get banned If say anymore of my town names.) and he tells them to all own the same exact store, an sell items for outrageous prices. In Animal Crossing, he gives ypu a house, you can't pay for it, sp yu get a part time job at his store. You do alot of chores, and he only knocks off about 1000 bells, out of 10,000. But how is dumb as a villian? I'm surpirsed his prices aren't higher/ He's the only store, so unless I want to live in the woods, you have to go to his shop, unless.... (I'd put Crazy Redd, but I'm only doing main villians.) Also, if he wants a money bath Scrooge Mcduck style, why doesn't he just get his clone army, an take over Pooptown? These idiots will do anything you say (I wrote a letter to one of them saying how much I hated her, and I called her a bitch, and she said "I loved your letter!" and gave me Donkey Kong.) So he obviously knows these people are idiots. But the real reason he's an idiot; he hasn't tried to take his franchise outside of the Animal Crossing. Think about it. He provides housing for all those characters. If he took it out, he would have supreme world domination.

Number 13: Ghirahim

This guy. Where to begin? Well one, he let's Link live. He even admits this was a huge mistake. Also, he ends up as sword, when he used all of his time to re-awaken Demise, he just ends up being used as a fucking sword. He also made a tornado to get Zelda, but he didn't aim it, So she ended up stopping Demise's revival. That's some top notch villiany right there. He seems to be watching Link where ever he goes, but never attacks Skyloft. Why doesn't ever kill Link? He has a magical sword, yah, but he can teleport, It's like Sonic battling Shadow, Shdaow can teleport, therefore he won that fight. Teleportation > Master Sword. Even Phantom Ganon knew that. But also, even when he has Zelda, all he does is send Hoboklins at him. Really? The weakest enemy in the game? Why not Lizalfos, or send that giant Buddha boss after you, That Fireball boss, but no. Hoboklins. This is eaiser than him. Also, Why is his final form eaiser than his second form. I can kill his last form without getting hurt on Hero Mode (Where all enemies are twice as strong, and take more hit's to kill.) in the Boss Rush Mode, where I'm not allowed a potion, or fairy. His second form, I died literally 25 times, just trying to beat him. So what happened? More armor, Zabuza's Sword, magical waves, two more swords < Two swords, and Kunai.

Number 12: Zant

Man, How many Zelda villians are gonna be on this? Well, Zant from Twilight Princess, is a whiny little kid, who at the best had an oppritunity to get rid of Link, and making sure he never got the Master Sword, but instead leaves him there, Let's him get the Master Sword, turn back into a human, and gives him the ability to shape shift. What. A. DUMBASS. Not only does he leave the hero alive, he gives him more powers. Then him being super surprised, Link's comes and get's him. But Link doesn't even kill him. He is so whiny, and the only reason he is even powerful, is because Ganon gave him power. Speaking of Ganon, This guy kills him. Not Link, which is ironic, but without Ganon, He has no power. So he pretty much fucked up.

Number 11: Mario

Mario has only been a villian twice, In Donkey Kong 2 (Yes, it exists.), and Donkey Kong Jr., but when he was the villian, he didn't do a very good job at it. In Donkey Kong Jr He sends animals after DKJ, but leaves fruit that can kill the animals, and then has nothing to protect himself, I would using that whip, but nah, let him win. Also, he seems to not understand how to be a villian. Making alot of mistakes, like leaving all the key's to his cage out for others to find, and giving the hero an obivious advantage. But atleast he tried to get the hero, unlike Zant.

Number 10: Jet the Hawk

I hate this guy. He's so arrogant, and it just makes me hate the resolution end of the game even more, because Sonic is just so nice to him. As a villian, he fails because he has a very shitty motive. Be the fastest thing alive, which isn't true, he would be the fastest thing alive on extreme gear. Sonic is the fastedst thing alive, and he evens admits it. and Why does he hate Sonic so much? Just because Sonic spreading facts, the truth and justice? Anyway, he fails as villian because he has no reason to be villian. All good villians need a motive, he has none. Also, he doesn't just rid of Sonic, by maybe breaking his board, Nope. God has to settle this fight. and still Sonic saves his ass. SEGA, I am dissapoint.

Number 9: Shadow Mario/ Bowser Jr.

This kid is just a pure idiot. He think's Peach is his mother. There are so many things wrong with that, and I'm not ging to comment on that. But there are more things wrong. He made a robot, ON AN ISLAND. Did he even think? He was smart to play as Mario, but he still failed by doing that, and not doing anything. You only see him at every seven level, and one boss fight. He doesn't try to attack you, he runs away from you, and he doesn;t hurt you at all, or get you, or make more robots and enemies. I just thought he would to stop the person who's trying to steal his "Mother". I also thing he should have done more as Shadow Mario, and gotten Mario in jail for life. But he's a kid, so he get's cut some slack. But he still smart enough to built a robot, but not to think ahead.

Number 8: EggRoboManik

God, this guy sucks. His machines move so slow, and he can barely fit in half of them. He has an IQ of 300 *Bullshit.* he can barely beat a rodent with an abnormal hair dye. He's trusts all the wrong people, and get's surpirsed when they betray him. He leaves himself wide open to attack, and sometimes tells you how to beat him. Whether we're talking Classic, Dreamcast, or Modern, Eggman seems to fail on every front. He blew up half the moon, which in turn would cause all of oceans to freak the fuck out. He almost caused the end of the world three times, and had to have Sonic save him and the world, then procedes to try and destroy the wolrd again. Classic Robotnik fails because his machines have such obvious weak spots, and they move so slow, Big is faster than them. He also builts machines designed to kill SOnic, yet he always forgets one thing, and fails. Dreamcast Eggman fails because he caused the end of the world twice in the Dreamcast Era, and had Sonic do his dirty work. Modern Eggroboman fails because again his machines have obvious weak spots, and all of his smaller robots plain suck, atleast the Badniks could actually make Sonic lose a life. SEGA, I am once again, dissapoint.

Number 7: Ganondorf/Ganon

As much as love this guy, he can be an idiot. In the Original Zelda, treason goes on within his army and he doesn't even know about it, with Moblins giving you rupees and hints. In A Link to the Past, his "alter ego" Aganhim can't play a game of Dead Man's Volley to save his life (Ironic, seeing how he died by losing ,) In Ocarina of Time, How does he not know the Zelda = Shiek? Come on, even I called it as a kid. In Wind Waker, Why didn't he just kill Link instead of throwing him out to sea? I understand the intention was to kill him, but how did he not expect a talking boat to save him? In Twilight Princess, his own lacky KILLS HIM. While Ganon had done pretty well, when your own lacky's kill you, you need to re-think your life as a villian.

Number 6: Bowser

This guy's persistance. He fail's everytime to get the princess, yet everytime he fails. Atleast with Ganon, it's different Ganon's, He hasn't failed yet. But this guy, it's one Bowser throughout all of the Mario games. This guy does not know how to run an army. Let's his troops run off ledges, puts his power-ups in places Mario can get too, Give him ammnuition in Boss battles, Tells him how to kill him, and his creations. He always has great set-ups but reallyu poor follow throughs.  He doesn't know how to lock somebody up, with the princess usually with him, or behind a door that isn't under lock and key. My question  is, what does he want?  He kidnaps her again and again, but why? does he get a sick thrill out of it? Does he just like pissing Mario off? Or trying to get some T&A? ew............ Well, whatever. He still can't even keep the princess for very long, because he let's CHILDREN do his work. He has his 8 children work like slaves, making them build castles, cannons, and running an army. The funny thing is, most of the time, they're castles and fights are harder than his. When your kids are beating you as a villian, thats just sad. From his baby years, trying kill Yoshi's, and steal their happiness, to being a fire breathing turtle who can't beat a portly plumber, this guy seriously needs to re-think his strategy.

Number 5:  Sephiroth

I know Im about to get flamed by all of the Final Fantasy fans. But think about it, what did he really do? I think peanut3423 said it best, "All Sephiroth did in Final Fantasy 7 was stand around and look badass." He is man-made ancient, a race said to be able to find the Promised Land. So he freaks out because he realizes that he is a creation made for war and finding the Promised Land. He thinks J.E.N.O.V.A. is his beacuse Hojo tells him so. So they used J.E.N.O.V.A.'s cells to create Sephiroth, and now he goes crazy about J.E.N.O.V.A, so he rips the doll off. Now think about this. He sounds like a five year old kid who lost his mom at the store.  He just seems to have no motives except his mother, and he doesn't really do much. He's just not as compelling as J.E.N.O.V.A it's self, and it ends up taking the spot as the main villian as he get's shoved to the side like a bitch. Hell, J.E.N.O.V.A. shape shifted as him is a better villian. That's just sad when a copy-cat is better than the original.

Number 4: Team Aqua/Magma, Team Galactic, Team Plasma

Since I felt all  four teams failed, they're all number 4.Depending on wether you Ruby or Saphhire, the bad guy was Team Magma or Team Aqua, respectively. The leaders are standard Pokemon leaders. But the teams goals are why I hate. Team Rocket did what they wanted, killing Pokemon, selling things for outragoues prices, cutting off Slowpoke tails (effectly killing them.) and threaten to kill people, holding guns to people, and being general dicks (I still wish Pokemon Red would let you join.), but with all these Teams, They want to help Pokemon. But they try to do this in the stupidest ways. Team Aqua tries this by raising the sea level, and Team Magma does this by lowering the sea level. Team Galactic and Team Plasma do it by fighting with Pokemon.  Team Plasma and Galactic specifically say that they want Pokemon away from humans, with Team Plasma saying that want a "Black & White world." (Most subtle title dropping ever.) So as a villianous team they want to help Pokemon. not bad, but still they hurt Pokemon. Not exactly helping. They say they want Pokemon away from humans, yet they all have everchanging and ever expanding teams. They're idiots because as villians, because they aren't villians, and the fact that they have to be the most hypocritical people in gaming. These guys hurt Pokemon, even though they're like "WE NEED TO HELP DEM." By battling, they offically break everything they preach. So with all thought, these guys really need to put Team Rocket back in Pokemon. 

Number 3: Nightmare/Dethl

Now I can really knock him, he did keep God under a sleep spell. But my only issue is that he stayed in the Wind Fish's egg. Why not leave? That's like robber knocking you out, and just staying in your house. Also, I fought this guy with the L-4 Sword. Pretty hard, understandably for a final boss, but I just figured out 9 years later, every other weapon knocks him down in one hit. That is just pathetic, did he not know that? was he like "The hero will never have a Bow, Hookshot,  Roc's Feather, Magic Seeds, Boomerang, Magic Rod, Power Bracelet, or a pair of Peagsus Boots. Nahhhhh." He also doesn't do much throughout the game, just showing up at the end of the game, like "hey, i'm the boss bitch!"

Number 2:  Andross

Andross is an idiot for one reason and one reason only. He doesn't change up his moves. He using literally the exact same thing for Starfox, Starfox 64, and Starfox Adventures. It's exactly the same. Also his army is useful as a toothpick in a sword fight. It just makes no sense, they all have these amazingly huge robots, yet they put the weakness in one yellow glowing square. It's as if Andross is like "Okay, so where the weak point on your ship going to be?" His base is harder than he is. That only thing this guy can do, is put even more obvious weak points on himself. He has no idea how to make a weak point not obvious or just make ship not explode, or even himself for that matter.

Number 1: Big the Cat

Now I know what everybody's thinking, "How is Big a villain? remember my definition of a villain "A main character who stands in your way of the end of the game." That's exactly what big  did. for the past 11 years, I have never beaten Sonic Adventure, because of this Purple f**tard. I never legit beaten any of his levels (I ended up stealing my friends data, apparently he can beat his levels.) This is literally a dumbass, in every sense of the word. He is so dumb, he sounds like a Sonic if he bit his tongue, and got super drunk. No wonder Froggy runs away from him. As a villain, he is the equalvilent of the devil. He purposely's makes his levels hard, and he just makes it so you can't get to Super Sonic. An idiot in the best sense of the term, This asshole, is best left unplayed.

Wow, we're done. Hope you enjoyed. Bye-bye!

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