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Top 3 Most Demonic Children of Gaming

4/21/12 4:51pm
tl;dr

Get Those Pacifiers, Comfort Objects and Earplugs Ready! You're gonna need them when dealing with these little neckpains...

Since Craig's becoming a Dad soon, I figure I should ease the guy's stress and make him feel better...
 

How?

Why, by making him count his blessings that he's not dealing with...

THE TOP 3 MOST DEMONIC CHILDREN OF GAMING

(As Picked By Earthworm James)

#3: Baby Mario (Super Mario World 2: Yoshi's Island)

Why not Baby Bowser, you ask? Well, because unlike him only giving you trouble during the final battle, Baby Mario gives you trouble throughout THE ENTIRE GAME. Get hit once, the little bugger falls of your back, floats in a bubble and starts crying that infamous cry that pestered games young and old. The reason he's at the bottom of this list is that while he's an obnoxious little runt , if we had left him to be drowned in a pool of lava, we wouldn't have had such spectacular games like "Super Mario Brothers 3" and "Super Mario 64"...

#2: The Girl With The Pigtails (ToeJam and Earl 2: Panic on Funk-O-Tron)

Aaahh, ToeJam and Earl. How I love thee. The wacky power-ups, the amazing soundtracks, the fact you can play with two players and not be assholes to each other, all that good stuff! But to anyone whose played "Panic on Funk-O-Tron" or even the underrated "Mission To Earth", you'd remember those little girls that gave you SO MUCH PROBLEMS. Granted that dipwad with the baseball glove and endless supply of tomatoes was rough, The Little Girl was  even more of a pain! For starters, if they kick you in your shin, you'll be unable to move for a while, which could leave you as a sitting target to other enemies like Boogiemen. And second, they sound RIDICUOUSLY OBNOXIOUS! If you tought Baby Mario's crying was bad, trying dealing with a heaping pile of little girls going "Nyah-Nyah-NyahNyahNyaaah!". And Mission To Earth only made it worse! "Help! The Bad Aliens are trying to get me!" "Ohhh Nooooo!" "Where's My Mommy?" "Waaaa-haaah!" Thank god they ALSO happen to be the weakest enemies in BOTH games...THANK. GOD.

#1: Ashley (WarioWare Series, Starting with WarioWare: Touched!)

Now, keep in mind that the topic of this countdown isn't ANNOYING children, but DEMONIC children. And whose more demonic then that of a witch-in-training whose lackey is a little devil (Seriously! It's a friggin' devil!) and happens to make her hair white when angry. Ashley spends her days creating potions and reading spellbooks. Why, you ask? I dunno, maybe she's plotting to take over the world or something. Granted that Ashley has been known to have a softer side, it usually intels somebody ELSE being miserable. Let this be an instince: Say you're a little kid, and you forget to do your homework. Your teacher tells you "That's OK!", but later on in the week, you end up doing it on Friday Afternoon while all the other kids are out having fun! Also, let's not forget that sped-up subliminal message in her theme song. Don't know what I'm talking about? Well, where the hell  have you been?

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