Top 5 Awesomeness & Idioticies of E3 2012

Posted on June 8, 2012 - 4:06pm by JETZ.acx

Well I know that, eventually, ScrewAttack will release a Top 5 Wins and Fails of E3 2012, but look at me – I don't give a damn about what they'll do because this E3 gave much for me to geek out...and RAGE. So hang on tight, let's get nitty-gritty with the Electronic Entertainment Expo, and see what rocked our socks...and what made us scream like a teen just whammed on his balls.

The Jetman has something to say about the Top 5 Awesomeness and Idioticness of E3 2012. BUT WAIT - We need the Variable!

 

DEAD SPACE 3

There's a lot to be said about EA's poor performance this year at E3, and with an audience fresh from pronouncing it the Worst Company in America, they had a tough act to follow. So how do they kick things off? Well, with some Dead Space 3, of course. But something's off during the demo shown at the start of the program. Two things, actually.

I choosed this as the most polarizing entry because I did find out that most people watching the ongoing gameplay were pretty positive about what they're seeing, but from what I hear, Dead Space fans are ENRAGED by the fact that the whole point of "isolation in space" was removed, as you're now on a planet, and playing with a friend. No doubt the most controversial entry because I, for one, don't consider it THAT bad, but some people (like The Stickman) would put it right up there as one of the worst moments in E3 2012. So let's stamp a giant X in there and let you decide where to put it.

 

NINTENDO 3DS GETS ITS OWN PRESS CONFERENCE

With all eyes on the Wii U, it's easy to forget that Nintendo has its own handheld that's also somewhat struggling on its own. Sure, Mario Kart 7 and Super Mario 3D Land can only hold the console that far, but without a good amount of quality games to support it, it wouldn't last long in this new era of smartphones and tablets. So while this E3's press conference was focused on Wii U, they went on and give the 3DS its own hour to shine the next day. And you know? It was pretty cool, with games like Castlevania Lords of Shadow: Mirror of Fate, Paper Mario: Sticker Star and New Super Mario Bros. 2 all getting gameplay footage shown for the first time. And something tells me that this new Nintendo Video show called Threediots might be interesting enough for 3DS owners to hang on tightly on the free service.

Cameo appearance of Non-Specific Action Figure? OH YEAH.

 

FIRE EMBLEM ACCIDENTALLY ANNOUNCED

Speaking of the Nintendo 3DS, Reggie Fils-Aime is known as one kick-ass president. But then...he forgot about one thing: Nintendo's plans were to not announce new games. And during an interview with Kotaku, he accidentally spilled the beans and announced that the currently Japan-only title Fire Emblem: Awakening will be coming to North America. Whoops! Then again, why couldn't they say it on their special 3DS press conference? I guess they had too much gold in their mind...

 

REGGIENATOR'S BODY WAS READY

Speaking of Reggie, can't we agree on one thing? From his debut on-stage back on 2004 to his performance today in 2012, the now-President of Nintendo of America has well-known history of internet culture. Famous quotes such as “Kicking ass and taking names” and “My body is ready” comes from the Reggienator himself, and just quoting them once again this year is just music to our geeky-internetz ears.

Yup, a very big moment indeed.

 

 THE LAST OF US

Everyone was eagerly awaiting for Sony to give us the goods about this intriguing title when it was first teased back in 2011 at the VGA Awards. Zombies were part of the game, but it was just one element of the game that Naughty Dog just wanted to get out of the way so that people can focus on what's really important: the survival elements in the game, and how having a real AI partner can actually help during the game. And believe me, after seeing this...

...we just couldn't be any more happier after leaving Sony's press conference.

 

UBISOFT (FINALLY) DIDN'T SUCK

 

Despite a somewhat questionable opening with Flo Rida presenting Just Dance 4, the awkward placement of Tobuscus and the whole e-sport thing with Shootmania...Ubisoft somehow, out of the blue, won E3. They just did it, and nobody knows why, or how. Ubisoft was supposed to SUCK. They're the laughing stock of the crowd, yet somehow they made everyone talk about some the more awesome games shown on the event, from the Marvel Avengers: Battle for Earth game no one seem to talk about to Far Cry 3 and its...matured themes. Then there's the whole Wii U support they promised, with games like ZombiU and Rayman Legends ready to make everyone jizz in their pants. Kudos to you, Ubisoft. KUDOS.

Ah, and Assassin's Creed III. But you already knew that.

 

 

JUST DANCE 4... 

Dubstep...Dubstep EVERYWHERE. Trailers, game demos, montages, press conferences – ANYTHING had Dubstep. But you know, I'd gladly have a full day of everything dubstep over a new entry of this new cash-cow Ubisoft found in the form of the Just Dance series. There's something to say about Flo Rida starting the stage of Ubisoft's press conference and Reggie being the puppet master, but let's be honest – Just Dance is just...MEDIOCRE. The critics agree, the gamers agree, and most of us who know that there's better party games out there agree. With Call of Duty you can at least say that the hate's somewhat unfounded because the games are at least good, but Just Dance has every merit to be hated for it's worth. Just DIE!!

 

MICROSOFT (ONCE AGAIN) IS PREDICTABLE

Speaking of cashing into the casual crowd for idiotic reasons, Microsoft once again makes a predictable press conference. If anyone watched ScrewAttack's Top 10 Things We Want to See from Microsoft on E3 2012, you'll notice Jared's rant about how every Microsoft press conference so far is just bland and repetitive. The company's response? They just switch the intro with the outro. Switch Call of Duty: Black Ops II with Halo 4. WOW. The three things I want Microsoft to just finally do: show us the new console already, get RID of everything Kinect (because we all know it's just a bunch of FAIL at this point), and just focus on what everyone cares about: GAMES. Which brings us to...

 

SONY IGNORES THE VITA

Mr. Sony Computer Entertainment. Hey, I like the fact that you're announcing that you're changing the so-called PlayStation Suite to PlayStation Mobile and that you're partnering with some random 3rd Party company to make another PlayStation Phone that nobody cares about, but apart from a God of War: Ascension, PlayStation All-Stars: Battle Royale and an Assassin's Creed spin-off that was leaked days ago, what else do you have to offer for the Vita? We were left out in the cold until we realized that...*GASP* THEY FORGOT TO MENTION THAT THEY HAD 25 NEW GAMES COMING TO THE VITA!!! Really, Sony? This was an opportunity for you to shine through and make the Vita the definitive handheld for gamers to own, and instead, you spend 10 to 15 minutes on our next entry.

 

WONDERBOOK...REALLY?

Look, no disrespect against J.K. Rowling and her success with the Harry Potter series, but I for one am not exactly fond with the franchise. But I have to give some credit, her partnering with Sony is kind of cool, until you realize she's joining forces for a PlayStation Move game. And not just a Move game, but adding ANOTHER peripheral into the mix called the WONDERBOOK. *sigh* Okay, I got to agree, children should definitely get more into epic stories and read more books, and your idea is very cool, but when you've got someone struggling to conjure a magic spell with your motion control product, we've got a serious issue there. Especially since the whole segment dragged on during the press conference – this was something that you could simply brush it off in a few minutes, ask everyone to try it out on the booths, and move on. But no, you just HAD to demo it.

 

NINTENDO'S GIVES US THE MIDDLE FINGER

Yes, people, if ANYONE was following me on Twitter or even here at ScrewAttack you KNEW this was coming. And I've got my Flame Shields FIRMLY in place.

The reason why I'm so angry with Nintendo isn't so much for the fact that F-Zero, Star Fox or Metroid were a no-show during the press conference. It was because they simply made one GIANT, middle finger towards us during the whole show. Pikmin 3, ZombiU and Scribblenauts Unlimited were the only things that I found interesting, and while New Super Mario Bros. U is more of the same, at least it's Mario so who cares. But I have three MAJOR problems with the show.

First off, where is the strong third party support that you promised? You've got EA, WB Games and Ubisoft, but where is everyone else? We wanted all the awesome new games that the other consoles were gonna have, and instead we've got ports. Yeah, the Arkham City stuff was cool but SERIOUSLY think about it for a second. Do you REALLY want to play another version of an already existing game? I doubt it.

Then there's the whole Wii U re-debut. For an entire year we were promised a whole new presentation of the new console that has been causing buzz for all this time. What do we get? The same exact thing. No talks about the console, no talks about its specs...just focus on the new Game Pad and nothing else. It's like feeling a bad sense of Deja Vu that I could not shake during the whole thing. Oh, but wait, there's just one more thing that I wanted to just vent off...

Nintendo Land. Ohhh, yes, I'll be ranting my ASS off out of this. The Imaginer is not happy. How about we sit down and think about this new so-called IP for a second? You heard the rumors. All this stuff about a Star Fox/Metroid crossover, the potential of a single teaser of Smash Bros., and even talks about F-Zero finally returning...so what if Nintendo metaphorically told the entire gamer community “SCREW YOU” and gave us a watered-down, mini-game collection with all of your favorite characters? OH LOOK there's a bit of Animal Crossing, Zelda, Metroid and even F-Zero! HEY it's a giant amusement park!

I'm not saying that Nintendo Land sucks, or is not fun at all; neither I am saying anything they showed on the conference made me any less interested in the Wii U. I'm saying that Nintendo has this subliminal message here, as they simply gave one giant, dirty middle finger to all of us craving for some of the goods Nintendo is known for. They're known to follow their own path, their own way, while screwing the popular requests of everyone around the world. Sometimes, it works (Yoshi's Island). Other times, like this year...they get to sit into my #1 most IDIOTIC moment in E3 2012.

And I love Nintendo. Call me a hypocrite now.

Flame Shields UP!

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