Top 5 Drunks in Video Games

Posted on September 15, 2011 - 10:27am by Woodyman

TLDR;

Grab a beer, and learn about the Top 5 Drunks in Video Games.

Top 5 Video Game Drunks

Hey g1s,
Woodyman here for another countdown. I’ll probably do a review or something next, but for now… your stuck with ANOTHER  list.

Now that the school year is starting I’m having less and less time to drink. Not that I am a huge drinker anyway, but I miss sitting in my pool with a beer in one hand and a book in the other.

So since I cannot drink, I am going to pay tribute to the top 5 video game drunks.

Only one character per franchise… and blah blah blah! Who cares… grab a beer and enjoy the blog.

So let’s begin!!!

5.) Niko Bellic - GTA IV

Now Niko Bellic from Grand Theft Auto IV isn’t really a drunk. That is… unless you make him one. Because GTA IV is a game in which you can really do, whatever you want. If you wanna go bowling with your cousin, go ahead! If you wanna snipe a woman from the top of a hospital, go ahead! If you wanna pay a hooker for explicit acts and then stab her with a knife to get your money back, go ahead! (Damn… this is a messed up game.) One thing I discovered about the game is that you can go to the bar and get wasted. See vid below.

This was always fun, just to see what kind of chaos you can get in, how far you can get, and how much damage you can make. My Niko is always drunk… because he is an immigrant to America, and America is a land of beer, burgers, and boobs.

4.) Conker - Conker's Bad Fur Day


Conker is a squirrel.
Conker’s Bad Fur Day is another cute and cuddly game from Rare and released on the Nintendo 64. Big googley eyes, talking animals, and cheerful music… right?
Well actually yeah, but the plot and cutscenes in this game certainly isn’t for kids. One night Conker get’s wasted. He attempts to stumble home, but winds up lost. Thus, he becomes a reluctant hero on a quest for cash-prizes, to get home, and to find his girlfriend Berry.
Now Conker is a foul-mouthed little bastard who drinks a lot. Especially when the going gets tough… now these are classic signs of a drunk.
The only reason he isn’t closer to #1 on this list is that Conker can’t handle his booze, pukes, and gets lost.

3.) Soda Popinski - Punch-Out!!!


Soda Popinski is a Russian boxer from the (Mike Tyson’s) Punch-Out series. He first appeared in the arcade game Super Punch-Out!, then appeared in NES Punch-Out, and then once again on the Wii-make.
Now I’m sure that you may be asking yourself right now… Why is Soda Popinski on a list about drunks?
Well, some of you may know this, but others don’t… Soda Popinski’s name used to be Vodka Drunkenski but it was changed because the developers thought it might be too controversial… maybe. They kept in his ability to handle the cold, wearing red, having his theme Song of the Volga Brothers, and dancing the Kozachok.
Now he may seem like a racial stereotype, but you gotta look at the big picture. Soda aka Vodka is a drunk Russian… who still boxes in a league with little to no rules, and no weight-classes. If he doesn’t make this list… I don’t know who should.

2.) Bad Girl - No More Heroes


Bad Girl… really is a bad girl.
If you never played No More Heroes, lemme give you a brief synopsis. You play as Travis Touchdown, an assassin, and it’s your goal to become the very best assassin in the United Assassins Association. Standing in your way is a ton of skilled killers, and in the numbah two spot is Bad Girl.
Bad Girl is an Amercan girl, dressed in Sweet Lolita fashion, who drinks a lot, and bludgeons cloned men dressed in S&M gear with a baseball bat.
Above all else, she is a killer. She feels no remorse for murder, and considers it “just a job”. This makes Travis dislike her greatly.
Bad Girl gets the number 2 spot on this list as well because like Soda Popinski, she can fight while completely shit-faced (even if she does resort to tricks, like pretending to faint), but unlike Soda… Bad Girl can kill while drunk.

1.) Bo Rai Cho - Mortal Kombat


Now many of you right now are saying… WHO? So lemme give a little introduction.
Bo Rai Cho is a fighter in the Mortal Kombat series. He made his official appearance in Mortal Kombat: Deadly Alliance, even though he is one of the most important characters in Mortal Kombat.
If you look at Bo Rai Cho you’d assume that he isn’t that special. He’s an obese, messy drunk who just tends to puke a lot and fart a lot…
He is a resident of Outworld, yet he is one of the good guys, just like Li Mei.
And he definitely is a drunk… he fights using a drunken fist style, and claims to have invented it himself, and uses his puke as a weapon in many fights.
He is the rival of Baraka, and he is extremely old.
Did I forget anything?
Oh yeah! Bo Rai Cho, this big drunken lush, was the trainer of Liu Kang (who defeated Shao Kahn), Shujinko (who defeated Onaga, the dragon king), and Kuna Lao (who has a hat) (and probably did cool stuff too). That’s right! Bo Rai Cho the drunk can fight like Soda Popinski, can kill like Bad Girl, and trained some of the toughest fighters in the Mortal Kombat universe… all while completely wasted and fat! If that doesn’t secure him the number 1 spot, I don’t know what will. Also borracho means drunk in Spanish.

Alright g1s, that’s the end of my stupid little list. I know it wasn’t much, but I got the itch to write something. I know I owe you two reviews and those will come eventually… but as of right now I’m quite busy with work TMoFG and g1 Spotlight so my next blog might not come for a while…


So… Happy Gaming and Stay Safe!

 

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