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A Very Strange Defense of Motion Gaming.

7/9/12 4:36pm
tl;dr

 I defend motion gaming on a fried brain. Enjoy my ramblings!

WARNING: THIS BLOG WILL BE VERY STRANGE, AND BY NO MEANS  IS TO BE TAKEN LITERALLY. WELL, THE DEFENSE OF MOTION GAMING, YES, BUT NOT THE SILLY PARTS. NO ONE COMPLAIN. I SHOULD PROBABLY TURN THE CAPS LOCK OFF. YEP, SHOULD REALLY DO THAT.

 Well, it's that time, my friends. We all have to discuss motion gaming one day, and seeing as my brain is initially fried for the next few days, I'm going to give you a very strange defense of it. So....um....here we go.

Well, chances are, if you're on this website, you are not a "casual gamer." Or, at least by our standards, you're not. And that being said, you probably do not play a lot of motion games. I think I can tell you why. I think. But before I do so, here's a bit by Jerry Seinfeld.

Now, what does that remind you of? How's about us? We can't get enough of gaming. We have a system in every room of our house. We go to arcades, and take our DS's with us wherever we go. But the second someone brings up motion gaming, we go, "Well, that's not real gaming," or, "Well, I hate that." But why?

Three reasons: lots of change, a broader demographic, and a sh*t ton of shovelware. But, looking past that, is this division of gaming that bad? Let's take a look at each of these reasons. Individualike. Yeah, I think that's a word...

I like this picture. It sooths me.

Oh, but first, I'm not going to talk about the Move. It sucks. Everything about it sucks. And Wonderbook...Sheesh.

Okay. So...change. Barack Obama likes it. Nerds don't. And between George Lucas, YouTube, and DC Comics, we've had to deal with a crap load of change in the past few years. So, we go to our tried and true, video games, for comfort. But look! Now EVERYONE has motion control. And it's taking precious development time away from the games that we want made!

Relax. Just calm down. We Nintendo fans are set for life. Even while they take everyone and their grandma's money with the Wii, we have the Wii U on the way, and with an actual controller this time. And the Wii U Pad looks alright. Maybe we can play DS games on our TVs now. Plus, I'm pretty sure even when Miyamoto kicks the bucket, they'll put his brain on ice just like Walt Disney, and use it to continue to make great games until the end of time. And you Microsoft fanboys? Well, you'll get your Halo and stuff. You go play with that. Sony fans, I'm sorry, but you just have to hold out for some good Move stuff.

*Sniff* He came. HE CAME.

As for broadening the demographic, I don't mind this a bit. If my 78 year old grandma can watch me play Super Mario Galaxy, then that's pretty cool. I like that my family can play games with me. And if you don't like to have fun with your family, then...don't. Or something. You can always just laugh at your mom playing Just Dance 3. However, if you do this, you are a terrible person. TERRIBLE. I'm a terrible person...

As for shovelware, it is a known fact that there are more crappy third-party games on the Wii and Kinect then there are in the country of Yugoslavia, which I'm pretty sure is a real place. However, there are also more than a few diamonds in the rough. Plus we have all those good first party titles to look forward to. On the Wii, I mean. I'm not a big Microsoft guy, but the Kinect still needs to get its act together. At least you have that ME3 voice control. That's pretty cool, I guess. And the Move...well, if you like to read, there's Wonderbook. Maybe you'll get some sort of Reading Rainbow package with that. 

Well, I think I've covered every complaint you guys have about motion controls. Yep, that's it. Nothing more to talk about. My work is done here.

Okay, joking aside, I do want to stick up for motion gaming. It has its flaws, but hey, it's here, and it's here to stay. Probably. And while it does have it's flaws, it is getting better. And hopefully, one day, we'll all be able to throw real life Gadoukens perfectly.

That's right. I throw Gadoukens.

Well, I hope I gave you all plenty of laughs and stuff. Thanks for taking the time to read my blog. Hopefully I'll have something a little more down toned next time around.

-Goodnight Everybody.

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