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Zeldathon: Top Ten Worst Bosses

7/28/12 4:40pm
tl;dr

Some of my worst creations in the Zelda games are also some of the largest bosses. Check here to view my past disasters.

 MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!!!

Twilight Princess Boss Music Compilation

Well, I haven't done a Top Ten in some time, and it has been a few months since my last Zeldathon blog so what the hey let's have another Zelda Top Ten! ......although I probably should do a different pantheon of games for top tens like Metroid or Castlevania BUT now's the time (again) for some Zelda!  Don't worry, I have plenty of other non-Zelda material for future blogs such as more ScrewAttack Magic Cards.  .......you didn't see that.

 SO...Zelda bosses.  In the perfect world, they are supposed the epic conclusion to a dungeon with much effort put into it.  After exploring every nook and cranny in the dungeon, you encounter a giant, ominous door.  You slowly open it as the massive locks come crumbling onto the floor.  You enter a dark room as a rancid stench fills your nostrils.  You get spooked as you see a giant, hulking behemoth jump in front of you.  Without thinking, you swipe your sword madly at it.  To your stupor, the beast dies instantly and coughs up a heart container.  You pick it up and leave in disappointment.  The ten entries on this list just might make that happen.  I would have done the Top Ten bosses first....but that feels a bit over-done by others.  Plus I'm evil.

The only rules on this list are that:

1. No final bosses due to spoilers.
2. They HAVE to be bosses of some sort that the game climaxes to.  They can't be mid-dungeon bosses.
3. One boss per game, so they have to suck.
4. They have to be from official Zelda games.  No Tingle's Rupeeland or CDI junk.

 

(Dis)honorable Mention: Blaaz (Phantom Hourglass)

 It was a close one between this one (or these ones?)  and the one in the #10 spot.  Phantom Hourglass, a game that (for the most part) is rather easy, has this one boss that puts easy on another level...and it doesn't take much thought process to beat them.

This boss is in the first dungeon in the game that is inside a volcano.  Blaaz is a fire wizard that summons fireballs at you, but they are quite easy to dodge.  When he is only in one form (that he starts out in) then you can simply just swipe at him with no thought.  Then he splits into three parts, and the only way to hurt him is by using your boomerang in the correct sequence of creatures he splits into (of which the top screen will hint at).  This boss is super easy, but it's not on the list since you DO have to think a little bit outside the box to beat him.

 

 

#10: Morpheel (Twilight Princess)

I'm not a big fan of Morpheel.  After going through a rather...nasty water dungeon that was so monotonous that I actually had to do it for other people (I actually labled it as the third worst dungeon of all of Zelda), I was then treated with this dull boss fight.  I will give him points for looking cool, but the boss fight itself just feels....boring, easy, and not worth the trouble of going through the Zora Temple.  First you have to dive all the way to bottom (which actually does take some time)  and then you have to use a clawshot to get an eye from a series of tentacles (much like another cruddy boss fight I'll mention soon afterwards) and then attack it.  You can't get too close, or else you'll be eaten and spit out from the mouth.  Something very frustrating is that you need to MAKE SURE you have your iron boots off when eaten, or else you will just be sucked down again...and again...and again.  At first I thought it was a glitch...then I felt dumb.

The second phase requires you to simply swim up close to it so you can attack its eye...which requires very little effort and thinking to figure out (although attacking the eye itself is more satisfying than I like to admit).  So basically this boss fight is swim, latch on to things, swim, latch on to things, etc.  This fight was disappointing for an eel of that girth.  It needed some electric attacks...or something.

 

#9: Morpha (Ocarina of Time)

Most of the bosses in Ocarina of Time are very well done and are entertaining to battle with.  Morpha, the boss of the Water Temple, is very annoying in comparison (much like the actual dungeon).

The way to defeat this guy isn't hard to figure out.  All you have to do is to use your longshot to take out its.....disgusting core thingy and then just slash away.  Already this guy loses points on the rather simplistic way to beat it.  The problem is that this guy won't stay still!  He floats around everywhere haphazardly and you just have to constantly spam that longshot button and hope that you get a hit on him, because he hardly stays still.  And neither can you stay still, or else you risk getting grabbed by his water tentacles and get tossed around like a rag doll while taking lots of damage and you can't do diddly about it.  You just have to take it like a man. And this is all the boss is as well, yet this boss takes me the longest to beat in the Ocarina of Time 3D speed run boss arena (a little over 3 minutes).

This boss isn't higher since this guy actually is a little bit of a threat.

 

#8: Mothula (Seasons version)

Despite it being a...well you know...moth...Mothula has generally put up a good fight in a few Zelda games...especially in A Link to the Past.  But the Mothula in Oracle of Seasons on the other hand....no.  It's odd too that the entance of the dungeon has a statue of Mothula in front of it...are they attempting to advertise that intruders should stay away lest they would have to fight this rather lame boss?

Unlike some of the other Mothulas, this one flies around in a circle around a platform and it can be damaged by sword slashes.  It occassionally does spawn larvae to defend itself, so I'll give it points for that.  It doesn't have a whole lot of HP, however.  ...yet...if you fall down the platform, you have to start the fight all over again.  So this just makes this pest more of a nuisance (how ironic).  It doesn't really attack much, and it basically just flies really fast just to delay the inevitable--you are going to win.  The other Mothulas in the Zelda series were far more interesting.  The Link to the Past one was VERY powerful and the room had tons of moving spikes in it to make it a super death trap, and the Windwaker version flew with a trail of fire behind it!  

The Seasons one...on the other hand...nope.

 

#7: Moldorm (Link to the Past)

This is easily the most frustrating boss in Link to the Past .  It doesn't even look threatening either...in fact...it looks like something from Sesame Street instead with those boogly eyes and fuzzy body.

This is the boss at the top of the Tower of Hera, and it's weakpoint is its tail that you have to slash at (which should be obvious).  This guy isn't so much of a threat as more of a nuisance.  It has quite a bit of HP, and the place where you have to fight him is on a platform with no boundaries with a hole around the left side of it.  If you fall down, you'll go back to a lower floor and then you have to climb up all the way back to the boss again.  The best part?  It gets all of it's HP back every time you re-enter the room!!!   Therefore, get ready for many frustrating tumbles down that hole!

It's very bouncy, and it doesn't do much damage so it's even less of a threat and just tries to push you off the platform.  It moves around aimlessly, making it unpredictable to know when to attack.  Plus it's tail is quite small, so you have to get in close to attack.  The more damage it takes, then the faster it goes.  This whole concoction is a recipe for frustration.  This boss, however, isn't higher on the list since you will feel a sense of accomplishment after beating it.  The next 6 bosses will not give you that in the slightest.

 

 

#6: Kalle Demos (WindWaker)

Most of the bosses aren't very difficult in WindWaker to be honest, but they do get better along the way, and some of my favorites are the bird fight, the Molgera battle, and final boss fight.  Some of the earlier ones are...very easy and quite disappointing for my tastes.  While they certainly look cool, the boss fight itself is a setback.  The first boss only requires you to swing on a dragon's tail 3 times to expose its weak point, but that still requires more thinking outside the box (a good thing) than for Kalle Demos.

When you first encounter Kalle Demos...this giant plant thing, the first thing you'll try on it is the boomerang since that's the main item you got in the dungeon.  Sure enough, it works, and you keep using it on its vines planted onto the ceiling until it falls, and then you use the boomerang on the core (again, you'll figure this out quickly) and then you keep doing this several times.  It's also kind of annoying that you can't stay in one spot for too long or else some vines will come up from beneath you and attack you...with very little attack power.  So basically this isn't much of a threat, it pesters you, and you constantly have to run around in circles until you get the vines out of the way.  This boss feels very...blah to me and it could have been much better.

 

#5: Possessed Nayru (Ages)

While she techinically isn't an end-of-the-dungeon type of boss, the story did attempt to hype up for this battle within cutscenes to emphasize that the possessed Nayru is one powerful foe.  So halfway through the game you meet up with her and try to....unpossess her.  Well, one thing they got right was that she is indeed powerful and will suck your life dry if you let her.  You attempt to use all items in your disposal until you go nuts and try using your worthless items on her until you realize that the ONLY way to hurt her is by using Mystery Seeds...an item that is nigh useless in the game otherwise and that you would never think to use.  After several hits, you become victorious after a disappointing battle.

I really find this to be a really cheap way to have a boss fight.  It's like with Ganon in Wand of Gamelon, or the Vampire Sisters fight in Portrait of Ruin, or the final battle in the Mega Man 3 fight (it's not bad, but it could have been better).  Instead of having some heart-pounding battle, you instead get a fight where you have to use a worthless item several times (or only once) with (usually) little skill and you get cheated out of an epic boss fight.  It's also very frustrating until you figure it out too.  At least with a fight like Psycho Mantis in MGS you have to think outside the box to know what to do.

 

#4: Orange Gohma (The Legend of Zelda)

(I know it's not orange but....you get the idea.) The later versions of Gohma were pretty easy, but they looked cooler and they were much better boss fights than the one that you originally fight in the NES Legend of Zelda.  All it takes is one arrow shot to the eye (when it's open) for an instant kill.  That's it.  It's another one of those easy to defeat bosses, once you know how to beat it. Even with the game's cryptic (and poorly translated) clues, it should be easy to figure out since the clue is "Shoot at the eye of Gohma."  There are very few items in the game you can actually "shoot" with (if you count the sword as one) so it should be clear that you need to use arrows on him.

Another problem with this boss is that if you don't have arrows and a bow, then you're screwed.  That's right, you're going to need arrows AND a bow.  It's unfortunately not a 2-for-1 deal like in the other Zelda games. You could imagine a person's frustration playing against this guy the first time through.  If you die against this boss, you're going to have to go ALL THE WAY through the sixth dungeon (which to me is the most difficult one in the first quest) just to fight against this boss every time until you figure out what you are supposed to do.  There are no shortcuts.  When you figure out what you need to do, then you need to buy overpriced arrows and to make sure you have the bow from the first dungeon.  This boss will either be super-easy, or super-frustrating...making him a good candidate for the number 4 spot.

 

#3: Small Dodongos (Four Swords Adventures)

Dodongos are everywhere in Zelda games.  They have made numerous appearances as bosses in plenty of Zelda games.  The more common variety can be defeated by simply putting bombs into their mouths until they explode.  They usually can only be harmed in this fashion as they attempt to breathe fire at you, but many other varieties of Dodongos have popped up over the years that have had different attacks such as rolling, exploding, and swiping their tail.  Many have different weaknesses.

The dodongos in the Four Swords Adventures, on the other hand, have no thought process put into them.  They are the EXACT SAME THING as the Dodongos from the original Zelda NES game, meaning that the only way to beat them is by feeding them bombs.  Four Swords Adventures isn't exactly the most common Zelda game ever so it's most likely that you would have encountered some more...dangerous dodongos in other Zelda games.  I mean...if you don't know how to defeat the standard dodongo, then...you really need to play more Zelda.

It astounds me beyond belief that they didn't even change this boss at all.  The game came out in 2004!  There's no excuse! The whole dungeon is swarming with enemies that are a bigger threat than these dodongos!  I should also mention that the door doesn't lock behind you when you enter the boss room like it normally does in Zelda games so.........where's the challenge in that? There's even a Goron you can talk to before you enter that tells you how to beat the dodongos....which insults me.

 

#2: Carock (Zelda 2: The Adventure of Link)

Carock is a necromancer who lives in the fourth dungeon of Zelda 2 (AKA, the purple dungeon).  I'll give him points on how cool he looks, but other than that, he seriously needs more attacks of some sort.

The only way to beat him is by crouching and reflecting his attacks with the REFLECT spell that you learn in a village by saving this kidnapped child that you plop over your head.

You must crouch in the corner and just wait like a sitting duck as he kills himself.  It's rather sad, really.  The whole dungeon is a million times harder than this one dude.  What sucks though for this boss fight is that if you DON'T have the Reflect spell, then you're screwed.  You're going to have to KNOW that you need to go get the kid, go all the way to the town, know how to and get the Reflect spell, etc. just to able to beat this boss.  It's already cheap if, say, you don't have enough bombs to kill a boss, but it's another that the only thing that can beat the boss isn't even in the dungeon itself!  So what do you do?  Either have a disappointing fight, or get a game over so you can get the reflect spell and then go all the way back to fight Carock!  It's a lose-lose situation here.

 

#1: Angler Fish (Link's Awakening)

I'll tell you right here, this boss is pathetic.  This one might even make it into one of the worst bosses of games, period.  There was more effort placed into the art design of this creature than for the AI of the boss itself.  This boss doesn't even have a cool name!  He's just an angler fish!!!

This boss is in a water dungeon (of course) about mid-way through the game and even when you enter the boss room, you have to dive down into the water to see him since he's too lazy to come attack you.  Then he says "GLOOP GLOOP!" and off you go!  To defeat him all you have to do is to start slashing madly at his glowy appendage on his head of his and he'll die in seconds.  THAT'S IT.  No, I'm not joking, that's all you have to do.  Most likely, he won't even have a chance to attack you because you kill him too quickly!  Plus, he only stays in one spot and he barely moves at all...so he's just a sitting duck.  There is...very little thought process put into this. What makes this situation more sad is that SOMEONE ACTUALLY DIED TO HIM because there's a skull underneath him.  ...a human skull at that.  I'm just going to assume that the person who went in there couldn't swim or something.  Heck, that's actually not a bad theory since most of the people in the earlier Zelda games couldn't swim anyway.

 

 

Now I know that many bosses in the Zelda franchise are very good, so I might make a list on that in a couple of months or so.  But for my next blog, it will certainly involve many of you dark warriors, so (I COMMAND you to) check it out!  MWAHAHAHAHAAA!!!

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