Survivabilty: 5 Massive Disasters

Hey G1's

Below is the list of 5 great apocalypses that may occur and my survivability in these situations. Take look and let me know how you think you would fare.

Giant Insects

What Happened?:
Island or Underground Nuclear experimentation has caused drastic and dramatic changes in the local insect life causing them to grow in size exponentially. They big, ugly, and pissed off.

How am I?: Scared out of my mind. I am too paralyzed by fear that the first giant spider that makes it way near me has already found me the easiest prey in all the world. I have passed out from fear and awoken wrapped in webs, I have soiled myself and I am cold from the urine that has frozen at my crotch. My girlish screams go unabated as I am eaten alive by millions of insects.

Duration?: About 3 seconds of life.

Verdict?: Fuck this!

Nuclear Fallout

What Happened?:
Years of nuclear tension throughout the world have amassed in one final act. The annihilation of the human race has become a reality as the world over has now become a radioactive wasteland with little to no food. Those that have survived barley live with radiation sickness, except for those who had been sheltered in fallout bunkers.

How am I?: Assuming that I have not been initially killed in the blasts (which is easily most likely) I cannot come to grips with the reality of the lack of food. The irradiated wasteland is quickly riddling my body with disease and I am finally found slumped over as the local wildlife pick my body apart.

Duration?: A week...maybe

Verdict: Well...shit.

Zombies

What Happened?:
The world is in chaos as the dead walk the earth. The ensuing calamity has left many of those still alive with nothing but questions as because no one knows why this has happened. Was it chemicals? God? Viral? The only thing that is truly important is the need to survive.

How am I?:
Years of planning have culminated to this moment and I am ready to survive. I am armed to the teeth and ready to shoot some zombie's. The plan is going well as me and my friends traverse the dangerous landscape in search of a new place to rest. No place is safe only safer is our motto and we adhere to the rules of Zombie Survival. That is until we become lazy, and in that moment of weakness we are unprepared. Hordes of zombies come at us and my weak smoker's lungs cannot contain the amount of running needed to survive. In a last ditch effort I am a speed bump in the zombie assault against my friends. I hope they get farther than I did because evisceration SUCKS!

Duration?: Several Months

Verdict?: Shoot em in the head!

The Rapture

What Happened?:
It finally happened. God has cast his judgment upon the human race and found us (for the most part) wanting. But not without his legendary sense of humor, it turns out that Heaven like most exclusive clubs is all about who you know. The rest of us need to wait in line hoping that we get in.

How am I?: Apparently the end of the line is in L.A. which is just perfect. There I am standing in line with every burned out musician, writer, and actor in the greater Los Angeles area crying about how they could have or should have made it big. Their entire wasted life is explained in painful detail and I ran out of smokes about three weeks ago! The only thing that is keeping my sanity intact is the still frequent passing vehicle with Lakers flag attached to it. I count the ratio of flags to douche bags and discover that during the Rapture; it's still about the same.

Duration?: Forever... and a day!

Verdict?: Can I bum a smoke?

Robots

What Happened?:
Technology has finally built the perfect being. It needs no food, air, water, or anything else humans need. It is an advanced robot, and when it finally realizes that the Human race impeded its own survival, war breaks out. Man fights valiantly against the machines in a seemingly never ending war.

How am I?: Already dead, cause that's the distant future, Suckas!

Duration?: Minus about 50 to 100 years

Verdict?: My grand kids are so screwed