Top 5 reasons for gaming failure

This was a blog I made on my MySpace page, but I thought it was funny for gamers (then again I think YouTube Poops have good humor, so I don't think of my self highly). If anything seems weird - which it shouldn't - it's probably an inside joke.

So most of us are gamers. Whether we play for a bit or we play for 15 hours straight (tried once, never again...), we are gamers. But some people hate us. Why? Well I think for these five reasons. We are an awesome breed, but let's be honest, we kinda suck too, so here's the:

Top 5 Reasons For Gamer Failure

You can kill me later. Oh yeah, and this is more a joke so don't take it personal too. It's... Satirical.

5: Obesity

Now I want you to do one thing: take you finger and point at a fat kid, just any random one. Now ask them if they play video games. About 80% of them will say, "Dude! I'll pwn you at Brawl!" then we will dip his entire hand in a jar of mayonnaise and eat it! This isn't too bad for a number five, but it does look bad for other people. It's just not too good of an image for gamers: a fat kid in glasses. I mean, I know gamers who are skinny too! Like Joey!

Oh, Joey! Haha... Your kinda scary.

4: Countless Stupid Rants

Here's an example of what I mean:

Now not only does the first thing he says make me want to punch him in the face, he also has no idea what the fuck he is talking about. He says he doesn't like to die in Halo? Are you insane? That's the whole point! You know, you have to use your fucking brain to beat a game! Sorry it takes skills to play something. Now this is just one out of a million that infect the internet like a horrible case of acne. The only one that is good to watch is the Angry Video Game Nerd, but then again, he not really bagging on the games. It's satirical! I don't know about you, but this is the sort of thing you talk about with your friends not over the internet. Then again, some people think that the internet is their friend so there you go.

Some get worse then this though. Some people will curse so much you wonder how mankind made it this far. Some will drape themselves in whatever console that they are glorifying that you wonder if they are insane. But more on that later...

3: Bro Gamers

It took me forever to find a picture of one of these guys. And after the fifth dick picture I just made my own. I guess I could have made a screen dump of Chad, but I like to torment myself. But, you know what I'm talking about. People, usually men, who just play games, but play just a certain amount. The only games they play are: Halo, Madden, GTA. That's it. That's all. Maybe another FPS. It also doesn't help that most of these fags gather around the 360 like flies on shit. These guys are also responsible for all the FPS' that seem to bubble in the gaming industry. Not that I'm saying that FPS' are stupid but come on. When we get the 100th WWII game I wanna punch someone in the dick. No. A flick. Lots of flicks. The kind that Stuttering Craig talked about.

These are also the guys who say that awesome games like Super Mario Galaxy or SSBB are fag games. These guys are also responsible for the "Casual" and "Hardcore" gamer, even though it doesn't exist. I say if you like playing games and you get into it, then you're a gamer. Except these guys. Fuck them.

2: Video Game Fan Fiction and Fan Art

Oh my god. No. This is the one thing I hate the most. Well, not really. Number one and this could be at a tie for me, but this also has a benefit while the other is just stupid. I mean, at lest people are using creative methods with this. Sort of. Ugh... Look, I'll be the fist to say that art is cool. BUT! Art is also a powerful tool, maybe a little too powerful and easily accessible. All you need is a pen and paper and there you go.

Some fan art is cool:

Then it gets odd, but whatever:

And then they get worse. You know. Oh you know!

I hate you so much Deviant Art...

But you know what? I'll look at a naked girl tails all the time! It's way better than Fan Fiction of video game characters. I mean, at least I'm just looking at a part of what's going on, not the whole situation. Like look:

"Chief, Chief. Please wake up." The Master Chief's eyes adjusted to the dim light.

"I want to spend my last weeks, days, hours, minutes even seconds with you. And maybe I'll remember you." As The Chief got up he stared at Cortana. She was beautiful. When he got up he put his hand on Cortana's shoulder. Two tears fell down her face. Cheif wiped them off and she hugged him.

That should sum it up.

But nothing beats this.

1: Fanboyism

Wow. Just wow. I hate these guys. Well, more like the kind of Fanboy that totally ignores anything but his game system and his alone. I know I'm a fan of Nintendo; hell just step in my room and you'll see what I mean. BUT! I don't go and say that the Wii is better than God and will ignore everything on its flaws and what others have to offer. I also don't go on fourms and troll the shit out of it! I also don't yell at people who think differently from me or say that I'm wrong (well, about games anyway.) These guys are the kind that say stuff like the following:

"PStriple pwns all! You guys are just 360 fags! GO FUK YOURSFLE!"

Now notice the "PStriple" usage, a sure sign of Fanboyism. Using slang name for a system is stupid and anyone who is trying to look for a game system is going to ignore that. Also note the misspelling of "fuck yourself." Obviously typing so fast that the shit can't process fast enough in the mind.

Fanboyism can go father though. Some need to show off how cool they are and their system by recording themselves talking about it:

Here, I'll grab the other systems so it doesn't look like I'm bashing the 360 community.

Wii:

It was hard to find a Wii one. Probably because Nintendo's fan base brings a boxing glove in the fight and not a nuclear war head or a sub-machine gun.

PS3:

Yeah, I know. Chad Warden is fake, but it's being used for an example. He is faking this, right? Oh, God, please tell me he's faking it...

All of these are good examples of Fanboyism at its worse. I hate this crap. More than naked girl Tails. More than fat gamers. More than Bro Gamers. I just hate it when I have to see people get rilled up over this crap. Like your system. No, LOVE it. But don't yell at others who like something else just because you hate it. Hate it in silence. And for the love of god. Shut the FUCK up.